AP and Separation Anxiety - Page 2

[mammal_mama]

Yes, I also think it may be related to the fact that I was never feeling any eagerness to separate. So I honestly didn't try to leave my babies with others. Then as they got older, they were used to just being with me, and/or with Daddy.

So branching out further has happened for them at later ages.

Edited to Add: It may have been very different if I'd had friends and extended-family who were more AP -- so that I wasn't worried that someone would try to slip Baby a bite of ice-cream or some formula the minute I was out of the room, or that they'd think it was okay to let my baby cry if it was "only for a few minutes."

Dh and I just very strongly felt that we were the only ones we could trust to be totally responsive to our babies, based on comments others were making about us "never setting Baby down," yada-yada. If they didn't think we should be holding our little ones constantly -- it didn't seem likely that they'd want to hold them constantly, either.

[Azuralea]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

Edited to Add: It may have been very different if I'd had friends and extended-family who were more AP -- so that I wasn't worried that someone would try to slip Baby a bite of ice-cream or some formula the minute I was out of the room, or that they'd think it was okay to let my baby cry if it was "only for a few minutes."

Dh and I just very strongly felt that we were the only ones we could trust to be totally responsive to our babies, based on comments others were making about us "never setting Baby down," yada-yada. If they didn't think we should be holding our little ones constantly -- it didn't seem likely that they'd want to hold them constantly, either.

Yikes. I would be reluctant too!

We are fortunate. I learned AP from my own parents, who practiced it long before somebody figured out how to market the name, so I had no worries about leaving DS with family members and I have a lot of family members, so lots of support there.

If I had to guess, I think that DS's lack of separation anxiety is mostly DS's inherent personality plus a little bit of the fact that he got used to large family gatherings at an early age where he was freely passed around and cuddled (and he liked it).

[ErinBird]

My nearly 2yo has gone through several brief phases of being worried about me leaving her. She is wary of strangers in genreal, but these stages were mostly things like me trying to go to the basement without her for ten seconds.

[poppyseed]

Seperation anxiety is a normal part of development, and I think that children are going to go through it to some degree no mater what the parenting style.

[Elastagirl]

Both my kids had moderate separation anxiety around ages 12-15 months (when they started walking) and a little older (when they went through their big verbal spurts). I read somewhere that it's developmentally appropriate when kids reach big milestones to have some separation anxiety. And by "Anxiety," I guess I mean that they might cry if I had to leave (even if I left them with Dad!) but a short time later, (A couple minutes?) they'd be fine.

The thing about a secure attachment is that the anxiety doesn't become prolonged or problematic later in life. Kids go through normal developments, but with a secure, loving base that allows them to grow in the right direction.

[mrsbrunette]

i voted moderate only b/c she shows separation anxiety when dh goes out of town. this is his second time away from her and she is only clingy when he is gone.

[littleaugustbaby]

DD went through a phase of separation anxiety when she was about 16 months old. I was working part time, and during her phase, she would cry for me when I left, or even when I went to the bathroom or into another room. I don't think that it was entirely related to my job though, because it started before I started working.

[MommaCrystal]

My kids have gone through stages primarily based on where they are developmentally.

They only go two places without me. Church nursery and their grandmother's house.

My older son has always gone to G'mas NO PROBLEM! At times he's even pushed me out the door. He is 2.5 right now.

Church nursery has been a back and forth with him. Sometimes he barely says good bye to me, other times it is "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!"

My younger son, 10 mos old, is VERY different. He doesn't really like to go to g'mas though it is improving. He doesn't really like to go to nursery, though he is improving. He doesn't really like to let anyone besides me and my DH hold him. If I'm in the room it is generally ALL MOMMY! Though he is much more into DH lately. I expect him to have less anxiety in general as time goes on. But I also expect months when it'll be worse and months when it will be non- existent.

This is the GENERAL pattern I've always seen in the 12 years I've been working with children. Of course I've seen kids on both sides into the extemes.

[textbookcase]

dd1 did and dd2 did not. dd1 is a very sensitive child, though, dd2 is more rough-and-tumle outgoing.

[JavaFinch]

I did *all* the AP things with DS and he was super clingy, could NEVER think about, say, putting him in a nursery while I went to MOPS or something like that - he would have freaked. I actually used to kind of think the opposite, that kids who weren't like my DS were 'unattached'. I realize that is wrong. Kids are who they are. AP is a loving way to nurture a child and is the natural way to me, but I believe WHO my children are is almost all determined by nature, not nurture. My nurturing them is more for their comfort and happiness and to allow them to develop their full potential, but they are not clay that AP can mold.