crying in the car

[princessjasmine]

My almost ten month old daughter hates riding in the car. She will cry and cry until she wears herself out, it doesn't help to pull over and nurse her or sit with her because as soon as I get in the driver's seat, she starts hollering again. I try to a) ride in the backseat whenever DH is driving and b) schedule outings for times when she'll be sleepy. But sometimes these strategies just aren't possible for one reason or another. Either DH is working and not available to be the driver, or we have an appointment or something and it's not during naptime. I hate just letting her cry in the car, it is gut wrenching, but I don't know what else to do at this point. My sister, who is studying psychology, thinks I need to just keep driving as long as the only reason she's crying is because she doesn't want to be in the car, and that she'll learn to trust that I will be there when the car stops to take her out. I don't know if I can do that! Any suggestions?

Lydia

[Mama Mko]

Is she still in an infant bucket-type seat? Some children hate those. You could try a convertible (Still Rear-facing) and see if that helps. It helped a friend of mine whose son used to always cry in the car. Now he rides happily.

[velochic]

In all honesty, it took time. My dd started crying at the top of her lungs (not safe when driving) when she was about 4 months old. We thought she would get over it, but she didn't and I just stopped driving her anywhere alone. She was fine when I was sitting in back next to her. Yes, I know the studies about keeping them rear-facing. I L.I.T.E.R.A.L.L.Y did not go anywhere from 4 months to 1 year unless someone else could drive and I could sit in the back with dd. It was excruciating and I questioned every single parenting decision I had made. Some kids are like this. It's nothing you do.

Dd had the Britax Marathon. The DAY she turned 1 (she was also the appropriate weight) we turned her around and it was like heaven on a stick!!! Seriously, we were free, and could go anywhere! She just wanted to be able to see me. Now she's 6.5, has outgrown the Marathon, is happy in a booster and has 5.5 years of great car-riding experience under her seatbelt (so to speak).

[mammal_mama]

I don't know if you have good public transportation where you live, but when my babies were this age, it was so much easier to wear them in the sling and walk or take the bus places.

[VisionaryMom]

Mine weren't as extreme as velochic's, but they did the same thing. Once they were forward-facing, they were fine. My son in particular was just highly annoyed that he had to face backward.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Do you think they feel motion sickness when they ride backwards? I know I do.

[mommabear207]

my ds when through a period too where all he'd do was cry in the car (unless he was sleeping). it was better if i rode next to him and then when he went from a carrier car seat one that let him sit up more- but not much better especially if we were in the car longer than 15 min.
basically i just had to keep driving. crying is their way of saying i don't like this restraint on my freedom and mobility, id rather have mommy hold me but in all honesty once ds got pass it car rides are great. he sleeps a lot and often i think he must be sleeping but when i peek his just looking around. can't really say if its a phase or learned but in the meanwhile breathe!

[lucyem]

Both my boys screamed non stop in the car until they were forward facing. And my nearest food store is a 20 minute drive. I just stopped going anywhere unless I had to. I could distract my older son but had no luck at all with the younger, but then again he screamed 24/7 for the first 3 months. Sorry, not much help I know. Just know you are not alone and it will be over soon.

[flower01]

My DD cried in the car from day 1. There were brief moments when it got better, but it was mainly getting the front facing seat that made the real difference. She still hates the car and she'll scream for 45 minutes (and then I cant take it any longer), but it is a LOT better.

[princessjasmine]

thanks for all the responses! if nothing else, it helps just to hear other people's experiences. i wish i could just not drive anywhere unless someone else was there and i could ride in the back, but i live in a small town (pop. 2000) and i don't know if that will be feasible. she is still in the bucket type carseat, and we are gonna have to get the front facing type soon b/c i am pregnant and due early january, so the new baby will probably go into the baby carseat. i am probably going to start taking the public transportation more, there are some nearby towns i can get to on the bus and others i can't. i pretty much have to drive to my midwife appts. because they are in a town 45 min. away. i look forward to the end of this phase, the car ride is not fun for either of us right now.

Lydia

[CarrieMF]

My kids all went through phases of crying in the car, the oldest was the worst(on short trips) because there was nobody to keep her company. With the other 2 there was an older sibling.

Not going shopping was NOT an option imo. I fit my errands around their schedules to a certain point(not hungry, not tired, illnesses), but other than that I wasn't stopping my life. I couldn't imagine not leaving the house for 9months because a child cried in the car. now if it was an hour long trip 1 way I could maybe see it, but most of the time our trips 1 way were 10-20minutes(depending if there was a train).

My youngest did not like long car rides, stopping & taking her out of her seat made things worse. On the 6 hour trips I'd feed her & change her before we left. Then we'd stop once halfway through to feed & change her, then I'd pick up drive through for the other 2 & continue on. Stopping for an hour or more & having her out of the seat did not make any difference in those last 3 hours where she usually cried for the next 1-2hours. Either way she was going to cry for the same amount of time & I had to get to where I was going.

[Ruthla]

All you can do is talk gently to her, and remind her that you'l ltake her out as soon as you get where you're going. I'd certainly try offering her a pacifier, or a toy, or something to distract her in the car, but if it doesn't work then all you can do is be patient.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by princessjasmine

, and we are gonna have to get the front facing type soon

Convertibles are designed to be used either rear facing or Front facing. It is best to keep you DD rear facing as long as possible.

I still have DS rear facing even though he out grew his infant seat, and is well over 1 yo and finally over 20 lbs. He was much happier in the car once we got him a convertible seat (Britax Marathon.) The marathon allows rear facing up to 35 lbs.

[Leatherette]

My daughter cried in the car as a babe, too, and it turned out that she had "silent reflux", acid reflux without spitting up. There were separation issues as well, but mostly it was not being able to see mommy while she was feeling bad. I did face her forward at one year, as driving was very dangerous with her screaming the whole time. And we mostly avoided driving whenever possible.

L.

[alicia622]

DS was another hate the car kid. We switched him to the convertible seat at about 4 months (still RF of course) and it did make a difference. Not a huge change but it was better. I think the bucket was uncomfortable. The real change was when we turned him FF.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by princessjasmine

i live in a small town (pop. 2000)...
<snip> ...i am probably going to start taking the public transportation more

You live in a small town and have public transportation??? That is awesome! I want to live there!

(You probably live in Europe or Asia, don't you?)

[Apple Girl]

I second the person who said it might be the seat. My DS used to SCREAM anytime we put him near his car seat. We upgraded to a Britax convertible, and he's been a happy driver ever since! I think past a certain age, it's uncomfortable for them to ride all bunched up.

[reece19]

Just wanted to give a . My youngest was like this - we never figured out the problem, though. She either screamed horribly or slept in the car at that age, there was no in between. She eventually matured a bit and would allow her sister to entertain her, or look out the window, talk to herself, etc., but it felt like forever before we got to that point. Mostly she was a mellow baby, but the car was awful. Hope it passes quickly!

I would aim for driving when she's tired, maybe change the seat, keep a toy in the car for her to play with...hmm, and maybe play around with music to see if you can find something she likes to listen to. From what I remember...I guess we just waited it out.

[heatherweh]

As some pps experienced, DS had motion sickness and was MISERABLE rear-facing form a very young age. When we switched the seat to forward facing things got much easier. Does it get better when someone sits in the backseat with her? DS always prefers if someone is back there with him though of course it isn't always possible.

I feel for you. DS and I drive around and everywhere we go we see places we had to pull over because DS was so freaking out we thought he'd make himself throw-up (and he did a couple times). Breathe deep, this too shall pass.

[MacKinnon]

Switching out of a bucket and to a more upright rear facing convertible often helps alot. Please do not turn her forward facing and consider keeping her rearfacing past a year. She's much safer That said, my DD hated being RFing also I wish we had tried harder to fix the car issue, but not knowing better, I turned her. My DS, needs LOUD music! We drive about with Laurie Berkner on loud, he's fine. The minute I turn it off, he screams. We also provide lots of toys. His seat is pretty upright, but RFing, as he is almost 19 months now. He wasn't a huge fan of the more reclined bucket seat either. Although nothing like his sister, some kids just aren't big on the car. It will get better Try music, toys, sippy cup, new car seat, windows down, etc. Good luck!