Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › "human pacifier"
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

"human pacifier"  

post #1 of 27
8/6/08 at 2:26am
Thread Starter 
can we talk about this? this term annoys the crap outta me. what is wrong with it? and how to respond when people say they are a 'human pacifier' or that nursing on demand is like being a human pacifier?

omg it bugs me so.
post #2 of 27
8/6/08 at 5:01am
I'd say no, a pacifier is a plastic mama replacement
post #3 of 27
8/6/08 at 5:10am
Ugh, I hate this one too. A nurse said it to me after I had my first. We had transferred, otherwise I'd have been spared. 3 am, my little Dd is latching on well and I'm feeling tired but ecstatic, and relieved that bfing seems to be going smoothly, goofy nurse comes in and says, "Nursing again?" and I said yes, and thought she might say "Good for you" or "She's going to be a good nurser" or ANYTHING encouraging. Instead she said: "You better be careful she doesn't start using you as a pacifier." I was shocked.

Paci as Mama-substitute is definitely a more sensible perspective. I'm not categorically against pacifiers, but... um... clearly they are a gap-filler. (I don't mean that in a punny way. ) Just goes to show that breastfeeding is NOT the default idea. Bottles and pacifiers are what people expect, and anything outside of that "norm" is considered to be strange, unhealthy, unnatural. Even if it is by far MORE healthy and natural. Prevailing culture trumps science and sense every single time! :
post #4 of 27
8/6/08 at 8:26am
Hmm. The term doesn't really bother me I guess. Probably because I was the human pacifier for DS1. Nothing else would calm him down, he wouldn't allow anyone (aside from OCCASIONALLY dh) to hold him for nearly 1 year. Truly a momma's boy. It didn't really bother me to be a human pacifier but that's because...I know I was one.
post #5 of 27
8/6/08 at 9:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire and Boys View Post
I'd say no, a pacifier is a plastic mama replacement
post #6 of 27
8/6/08 at 12:16pm
Also. Hate. It.

You know, its fine to have confidence and say, yes! I AM a human pacifier and I am cool with that role and embrace it! But when the term is really used by anyone, in my experience, its always meant in a derogatory way, as Collinsky described. My example: an acquaintance was explaining why she stopped nursing her older baby and one of the "reasons" was "well at that point, he didn't need the milk, he was just using me as a human pacifier."

So its fine that us lactivists all recognize a human pacifier is better than a plastic one and actually cherish being able to offer that, but for the average mama in Collinsky's situation, they take it as it was meant - as a negative judgment. A comment like that by an RN has the potential to undermine an entire nursing relationship. Now that first-time mama (having heard that remark from an RN, or her MIL, or best friend) is avoiding letting her baby nurse for comfort. She's limiting nursing sessions. She's questioning herself. Oh, and suddenly she's having supply problems (surprise!). And her baby is fussy. And she's stressed out. We all know how that story ends.

Its like the thread on the nursing mama jokingly comparing herself to a cow being milked. We may all love cows, and embrace the idea that we are mammals and feeding our babies naturally just like a cow or a goat. But the comparison is not usually meant by the speaker in a positive way.
post #7 of 27
8/6/08 at 12:24pm
I usually just point out that pacifiers were made to replicate a mother's nipple, so in effect they are artificial nipples just like bottles. You don't hear (hopefully!) people say when you're nursing "Oh, he's just using you as a human bottle!" I mean, what?!

If the situation calls for it I'll get into the dental aspect of it.
post #8 of 27
8/6/08 at 1:45pm
It doesn't bother me. In fact, after tandem nursing my 2 y/o and 5 y/o last night, I used the phrase when talking to my husband.
post #9 of 27
8/6/08 at 1:52pm
I usually say "no, the pacifier is an artificial breast."
post #10 of 27
8/6/08 at 3:59pm
I hate it too. It's totally backwards thinking!!!

(In spite of the fact that I used the term myself a few times in the beginning. I didn't know too much back then though.)
post #11 of 27
8/6/08 at 4:10pm
I being a human pacifier (conciliator: comforter: someone who tries to bring peace). Let's reclaim the word!
post #12 of 27
8/6/08 at 5:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise View Post
I being a human pacifier (conciliator: comforter: someone who tries to bring peace). Let's reclaim the word!
I like that! I have used that term before. I was a pacifier for both my kids! That is part of the mama to baby job description. Just don't call me a cow because then we'll have real problems!
post #13 of 27
8/6/08 at 5:23pm
I dislike it when someone uses it in reference to my being one. I feel like they're calling me a piece of plastic DD has attached herself too with no emotional bearing. I feel comfortable calling myself a human pacifier because I know that the nursing is comforting and Dd has a strong EMOTIONAL attachment to ME, not just my breast.

Also not a cow, even though I make milk.
post #14 of 27
8/6/08 at 5:26pm
Gotta go with the on this one, too. I'm kinda proud of being DD's "pacifier"-- especially since we've never even had one of the plastic ones. I am her one and only paci, and I like it that way!

I can understand why OP would be offended at a snarky nurse's comment, though. When we were in the hospital after DD's birth, our pediatrician happened to be on vacation, so we saw another ped in the same practice. She made a similar comment, like, "Don't just let her suck for comfort...you'll get sore nipples." I just did the ol' nod and smile, and secretly thought, "we'll see," and never did get sore nipples! In fact, what I did get was an awesome baby who nurses like a champ. Needless to say, we won't be seeing that doc again.
post #15 of 27
8/6/08 at 7:59pm
one of those things that i just don't waste my time thinking about.
post #16 of 27
8/6/08 at 10:42pm
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. It seems to me that most lactivists I have talked to IRL and online try to gush about how great it is to be a "human pacifier" and look down on actual plastic pacifiers. But that in turn can make a mom feel guilty if she does not enjoy it and wants to use pacifiers. Personally I HATE being a human pacifier. It annoys me. I can not stand to have someone on me constantly whether it's my dh or my baby. I need space to be sane. If I had felt that being a human pacifier was the only way to also breast feed I'm quite sure I would have quit bfing long ago.
post #17 of 27
8/6/08 at 11:14pm
I get that too and hate it! I usually just say "I love it!" I think the expectation is to hate it.
post #18 of 27
8/6/08 at 11:18pm
I actually once said that at a LLL meeting when I had first had DS. I think I had said something about how my aunt told me that I might become one.
The leader said "wouldn't you rather pacify your baby than some latex thing?"
Kind of put it in perspective for me
post #19 of 27
8/6/08 at 11:24pm
Whenever I hear someone say it...it's usually in a negative tone. I just tell them that sucking is a comfort thing for babies. It's not a bad thing. Pacifiers are a substitute for breasts...not vice versa as people seem to think.


And whenever I'm helping a new mama nurse and some family member makes the comment that the baby is using mama as a human pacifer (God forbid...not that) I just reiterate that all that nursing helps stimulate the milk supply so it's really a good thing (as long as the baby is latched on well and correct of course)

Sometimes the baby (well mine anyway...) liked to get right on the end of the nipple and just chew on it. She was cool with that...but I wasn't. If she wasn't going to latch correctly (and she could...as long as she wanted to nurse for food) then I couldn't continue to let her do that. I was going to give her a paci...but she found her thumb and never looked back. After my milk came in well, she was pretty much all business at the breast.
post #20 of 27
8/6/08 at 11:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I usually say "no, the pacifier is an artificial breast."
that is what i say too!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Lactivism
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › "human pacifier"