How are you handling postpartum visitors?

[~Megan~]

I'm anxious about having my in laws over. They can be very judgmental first of all. And our home is quite small and not made for entertaining.

I'm not sure what we should do so as not to offend them.

Ideas?

[robertandenith]

I honestly don't mind the postpartum visitors A lot of people couldn't believe I was having the baby at home with no medication, so I am shutting everybody's mouth - it feels GREAT! :

Why would your in laws be judgmental?!?

[Augusta]

My midwives give out this great little poster that you can hang and it's kind of the "home version" of hospital visiting rules. It's nice because it clearly states that it's THEIR guidelines so it takes the heat off of us, kind of like we have no say and we're just following the rules. I posted it over a month ago so that anyone coming by can get familiar with it. It states stuff like KEEP VISITS SHORT (20 mins or so). and is laid out in a Do's and Dont's format. I did find I had to make it clear to certain people that those rules don't apply to them. People like my sister or parents who will be there in early days as support people, cooking or doing light housework etc. It's more for those who are just coming and seeing the baby who are actually being "entertained" by us. Most visitors are very considerate anyway. Try to keep anyone judgmental away for a little while if you can. Who needs that when you're postpartum and all hormonal?

[Love_My_Babies]

I banned visitors with my first two for six weeks!!!! They were both born during cold/flu season, so I said we couldn't take a risk of exposing our little ones to germs until they developed an immune system. Of course, that is total bs, but it worked. This time, I think people got the hint because family isn't planning on visiting until mid-September.

[ChristSavesAll]

Originally Posted by Love_My_Babies

I banned visitors with my first two for six weeks!!!! They were both born during cold/flu season, so I said we couldn't take a risk of exposing our little ones to germs until they developed an immune system. Of course, that is total bs, but it worked. This time, I think people got the hint because family isn't planning on visiting until mid-September.

I was just noticing your little motto at the bottom..
"I work from SON up to SON down!"
LOL I love that it is sooo fitting! Can I use that?

Sorry to hijack the thread...

[Qalliope]

I made a list of people who were allowed in during the first week, general guidelines as to who was welcome this weekend and who should wait until next weekend, and a few rules to govern visits, but that has all pretty much gone out the window for us. Now it's more sorta "Visitors welcome, visitors bearing gifts of food doubly so." I feel good; the baby's in perfect health, nursing and sleeping well; and I am just so : I can't help but feel kinda social.

The only standing rules are hand washing before touching, giving mom and babe space during nursing sessions, and asking before taking photos. (I'm a little sensitive about having my picture taken.)

I thought I would feel anxious and judged with my inlaws, too. Small house plus wild ds plus newborn = big freakin mess. But it really wasn't too bad, and I was glad to get it over with. In a startling display of respect for my feelings, MIL offered to come help clean or whatever, but only to dh, and only if I really wanted her to. I overheard the conversation and was totally impressed by her tact. More in character for her, she spent 15 minutes telling me how the baby looked exactly like her, which I don't see at all, but she always wanted a baby girl so badly, so I get the wishful thinking. FIL was great, aside from the semi-joking question about why we didn't go pick up our baby at the hospital where everybody else gets theirs. I just told him they didn't have the one we wanted in stock, so we special-ordered ours. He stops teasing if you can out-goofball him.

Honestly, I was worried beforehand, but my experience is that everybody, including you, will be wrapped up in how wonderful the new baby is, and too busy to care about the state of the house or that you haven't had time for a proper shower, or whatever. The one thing that people seem to get about homebirth is that you don't get to spend the next 48 hours with nurses bringing you food and cleaning up after you.

[AKA_PI]

I was really adamant about not having any but I can deal with 2-3 a day. Just not large groups. I dont want alot of people in my room and the babe, DP and I are all in one. Maybe when I'm home but here at the hospital, I prefer the space.

[Mamatolea]

I never really had a lot of visitors with my home birth with DD. I think people here(very mainstream) felt weird, much different than my sister who had her baby in the hospie a month before who couldn't sleep or eat in peace because she ALWAYS had someone in her room.

I was actually kind of surprised no one really came by..(and secretly miffed I think) because I wanted to brag out my baby and my sucessful homebirth! LOL

And seriously, I have like 3 pictures of me with the new baby that first week cause there was no one around to take pics!

Oh well!

I am a pretty social person and I have a great support team, so I feel pretty good about visitors, they just don't come by! LOL

[not now]

If your in-laws are judgmental and have a problem with your small home that's their problem not yours. Hopefully they won't even notice since the new baby should be the focus not your living arrangement.


For me: Hopefully, most people will leave us alone. I'm making myself a "no info" patient at the hospital so no one can call or ask what room I'm in unless I tell them myself. My co-workers can look me up but they aren't idiots and are gonna wait until I call the unit to come see me. The man and I have agreed on a signal for times that I'm tired or annoyed with visitors so he can kick them out. Politely of course.

My MIL offered to take vacation time to come over and help out. Um...no.

[Surfer Rosa]

Last time we told everyone to wait for an invite-no drop ins. they know the same rules apply this time.
We phoned people and told them when they could come. We invited all our close friends over for a Sunday and said 2-4pm only. Family was a little different as MIL was coming from Trinidad and my mom lives 4 hours away. We told everyone that we wanted a few days on our own (to bond, to heal, to get used to our new family), and that they just had to accept it I kind of felt like a jerk saying it, but I also know I'm intensely private and I think you need some time to yourself-it's a big shift. I refuse to play hostess, or do anything outside the realm of me and babe (ok, DH and DD too!)

[Chula13]

I'm worried about this whole visitor thing because no one knows I'm having ahomebirth but my Mom and Best friend. I think I'll have to wait to till a day or so after the baby is really born to call my sisters so they don't wonder why I'm not at the hospital when they want to visit. Also i don't think I really want anyone coming by right away anyway.

The really weird thing that I am super worried about is my DH parents coming I have never met them they no nothing about the homebirth and certainly nothing about me and they already bought plane tickets to come in on august 23 and the baby is due august 21st, I'm really hoping he's early and not late so that this isn't an isssue.