My Secret (maybe TMI?) - Page 2

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by veganone

And I'm not seeing how vicodin makes sense... It shouldn't hurt, so you shouldn't need a narcotic to have sex!

Um...not vicodin. I'm remembering wrong...um...what am I thinking of? Valium! Not vicodin.

[Phantaja]

I don't know if I can say this, so if it needs to be removed or offends someone please let me know and I'll take it down immediately.

Have you considered maybe climaxing before intercourse? Maybe with oral or clitoral stimulation? Once things are all smooth and relaxed it might make it a little easier on you.

[dogmom327]

Just in case it's helpful...for me sex was painful for many years (burning). I recently stopped eating sugar and suddenly sex is fine. I'm still trying to figure out what actually happened but then only thing I can think of so far is that my food sensitivity was messing with the ph level in my vagina. Weird but I would have never thought that was what was doing it.

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Maybe you could get some good xxx stuff and watch it alone a few times.

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Personal question, so don't feel you need to answer, but can you give yourself an orgasm? Sometimes just getting yourself halfway there earlier in the day can really lead to better arousal later.

I'm not OK with XXX for a lot of reasons (mainly religious ones). And while I understand a lot of people feel differently about doing things themselves and I don't judge because I don't expect everyone to believe the same things I do I'm not OK doing things without my spouse. Earlier in our marriage he was able to give me some very nice "gifts" before we'd actually DTD but lately I just haven't been achieving the same "heights."

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

This is the perfect time to start learning how to satisfy each other without intercourse. Breastfeeding isn't going to help the situation, so give yourself plenty of time.

We do things for each other (me more often for him because I just don't have much interest in anything anymore). But we both want more. I thought I knew a lot about nursing (been reading like my life depended on it) but I have a question. Why is breastfeeding not going to help the situation?

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by Phantaja

Have you considered maybe climaxing before intercourse? Maybe with oral or clitoral stimulation? Once things are all smooth and relaxed it might make it a little easier on you.

We've actually always gone that route. Just seemed like the easiest and most sure way for both of us to have a turn.

[chaoticzenmom]

Because breastfeeding can make you not as lubricated. Not sure why. Plus, when you breastfeed, you are in another mode, mother mode. I'm pretty liberal sexually, obviously by my previous post, but I cannot function sexually while breastfeeding. I get all "touched out" and tired. When I don't have the baby on me, I don't want anyone touching me. I also tend to treat my breasts like sterile bottles. I don't want any dirty hands near them.

Maybe you'll feel different. I'm sure it doesn't make all women dry, but it does me.

[SabbathD]

Oh Holly. I could have written your post.


I would be the happiest girl in the world if I never had to think about sex again. It hurts, I tense up during intercourse, it makes me self concious, for the first year of our marriage I cried every time I had sex. It was horrible. I'm not religious but in a household that NEVER EVER discussed sex, I am not comfortable with xxx, we avoid all things oral for me at least because I was *blessed* with some lovely's by one of my partners, I have panic attacks at the thought and idea of pleasuring my partner because it's one of the things that the guy who raped me made me do.

Sigh. THAT was TMI.

But in all seriousness, some of the things that have made things better -

Seeing a counselour. I was able to talk very openly about what happened with the rape. I think that's important to anyone with a history of any kind of abuse.

Scheduling sex. I know, I know. So romantic. But, if you know before hand for days even weeks that you are going to have sex, you will be thinking about it. And mentally prepping for it. It's like atheletes that need to 'get in the zone' so to speak. So, while doing the dishes, knowing full well that you are going to have sex that night, let your mind wander to what it's gonna be like Now that we are working on our problems, I don't TELL my husband when I have scheduled sex. So it's a surprise for him, but not for me And with that in mind....

Ask him to let you be the intiator. Take back your feeling of control with this step. YOU ask HIM. It makes it easier when it was YOUR idea. That means you are going to have to get yourself into a place that's okay to do that. And during the big deed....

RELAX. I know. Easier said then done right? But, for me, during the ... well...penetration part of sex, I always ALWAYS tense myself up tight. It's not a space issue. It's in my head. So, I always have my DP ease in REALLY slowly, and I breathe and focus only on relaxing those muscles. And, after doing that for the duration of a few....well anyways, let's just say it usually gets much better after that.

That's all I got.

But, you are not alone, you are not weird, and you can work on this. My DP and I average sex twice a year unless it's a babymaking year. And remember the MORE often you have sex the easier it gets. If it's been to long it will be harder to get back in the saddle. So to speak.

[boadhagh]

I think you've gotten some excellent advice here! I just wanted to add a couple of things: since your dh is circ'ed, you might find sex more comfortable if he wears a condom, and, if your dh is up for it (oh, I didn't meant for that to sound like it sounds . . .) and you're comfortable with it, plenty of men are perfectly satisfied with oral sex orgasms and that might take some of the pressure off of you while still helping you be sexually active with your dh until you can work out/through some other options.

[veganone]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Because breastfeeding can make you not as lubricated. Not sure why. Plus, when you breastfeed, you are in another mode, mother mode. I'm pretty liberal sexually, obviously by my previous post, but I cannot function sexually while breastfeeding. I get all "touched out" and tired. When I don't have the baby on me, I don't want anyone touching me. I also tend to treat my breasts like sterile bottles. I don't want any dirty hands near them.

Maybe you'll feel different. I'm sure it doesn't make all women dry, but it does me.

Per my OB (who's awesome) pp and bfing cause lower estrogen levels, which cause less lubrication and thinner vaginal walls. It's temporary, though.

I really think you should continue seeking medical help, and maybe even therapy. They thought my subclinical yeast infection was vaginismus, and suggested anti-anxiety meds, so maybe?

[mrscompgeek]

Im feeling your pain!! DH and I have been married since September and I am still struggling with sex being painful sometimes. Its getting better but he has to go real slow at first. I hated sex, on our honeymoon we only had sex once, the last day. I cried so much on our honeymoon cause I couldnt do it. It hurt too much. So far what we have found helps is lots of lube (which you already said you do) and also lots of foreplay. We also switched brands of lube to one called Liquid Silk, we buy it off amazon.com. It works so much better for us then anything else we have tried.

[Talula Fairie]

It sounds like you got a lot of good advice here, I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I'm a sexual abuse survivor and my husband has a large, circumcised penis. I had a really bad experience with an emergency D&C after a miscarriage, and sex with my husband was often painful after that. I think it was both the physical and emotional trauma that effected me. Even when we used lots of lube and went slow, if his penis rubbed the outer part of my vagina too much or he hit my cervix, like, at all, it was painful. I will say that after having my first child most of those problems went away.

: I hope you figure things out. And do keep in mind that during pregnancy you are much more sensitive than normal.

[canadianchick]

Just thought I would add my 2 cents worth. Throughout my teenage years, through my 20s and into my 30s, I always thought there was something wrong with me. I had sex with many men (something I am not proud of but that was then and this is now). I always wanted to like and enjoy sex but there was always something missing. I never had an orgasm and never had enough lubrication. I just chalked it up to the fact that it was something wrong with me. I then met a woman about 7 years ago who I was instantly attracted to. She and I went on to have a sexual relationship and I finally realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me except that I was having sex with the wrong gender. It was like an awakening!