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Anyone trying to overcome a previously traumatic birth for a better time this go round?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
My birth experience with my daughter was horrible, to the point I still cry away the mornings sometimes. I am reading Birthing from Within, and trying to do a lot more preparation this time, but I want to know what other mommies are doing (if anyone is in the same boat) to make things better this go round. I will try the birth art stuff (I guess, though I am not sure what will come of it with no one but me to interpret it), and I read every chance I get (not more than a few minutes here and there though). I am not sure where to start. I have been to therapists, and honestly not a single one helped. I went to 4.


Feeling worried, feeling pensive, and brooding...
post #2 of 16
I'm not sure if i can categorize mine as "traumatic". It certainly wasn't the birth I wanted. My water broke at 34 weeks, 5 days. After 24 hours, and labor not starting, I had to be induced with no food, and on monitors in bed the whole time. The nurses ignored me, and I rarely saw the doctor during my stay in the hospital. After 28 hours, I had a c-section. My son was taken immediately to the NICU and transferred to the nearby children's hospital.
What I will do differently is having my doula there WAY earlier than I did this time. She was away at another birth and asked if I wanted her back up. I did not since I hadn't met her back up, so I waited until she got there. I should have taken the back up, just so I had some support. DH was there and so was all of our family, but they were just as scared as I was.
I'm also going to stay home as long as I can this time. I went directly to the hospital as soon as my water broke because I thought that being this early, they'd be able to do something. They did nothing. They didn't administer steroids, or even check for lung maturation. My son had severe respiratory distress syndrome which lead to his demise.
I guess after writing this out, there was a little "trauma" surrounding my birth.
I'm hoping everything will be different this time. I'll certainly eat and drink to my comfort regardless of what the hospital says, and I'll stay home as long as I can and get things going on my own. I'll definitely have a doula again this time.
post #3 of 16
Thread Starter 
Oh my goodness, if that doesn't qualify as traumatic, I don't know what would. I am so sorry for what you went through, and for your beautiful baby boy. Yeah, here's to a better go round this time.

I am serious about making sure this time goes better, no matter the end-up location of the birth. first they *made* me eat when I didn't want to, and then wouldn't let me drink. I agree with you, that would have made it better, to at least have been able to drink something.
post #4 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear View Post
Oh my goodness, if that doesn't qualify as traumatic, I don't know what would. I am so sorry for what you went through, and for your beautiful baby boy. Yeah, here's to a better go round this time.

I am serious about making sure this time goes better, no matter the end-up location of the birth. first they *made* me eat when I didn't want to, and then wouldn't let me drink. I agree with you, that would have made it better, to at least have been able to drink something.
Yeah, how can they really expect us not to want to wet our mouths with water or some sort of liquid when we're expected to "breathe" through the contractions -- and the breathing is usually through the mouth too!!

This time has GOT to be better. I keep telling myself it WILL be better!
post #5 of 16
Kind of.... After my second I got a really bad infection because of a HORRENDOUS tear. Almost lost a lip So, I guess my main thing is trying to get through birth without a tear. Though, when I compare to everyone else's traumatic birth experiences I realize this is completely wimpy. :
post #6 of 16
My first two births were about the same. I didn't have any terrible experience except for the whole thing! My son was a week "late" and so the Dr said she needed to induce me. I was excited because it was my first baby and I wanted to know what he was and all that. So I agreed(stupid uninformed woman!). They put me in the hospital the night befor and started cervidil(that should have been my first hint that he wasn't late). So all night I was in the hospital with no food and just clear liquid. At 4:30 in the morning they started the worst drug on the planet pitocin. I had been through a lamaze class which just told me what to expect and not how to control it. So I NEEDED an epidural so they cranked up my pit and at 12:00 I started pushing to find my son was looking at my hip so instead of having me change posision they just grabed his ear with each contraction and tryed to twist his head finally at 2:35 my son was born perfect. with my second they broke my water because she was also a week "late" and I was in very early labor. This was like 10:00pm They gave me pit and then an epidural and at 5cm I stalled(which I know now is normal) They wouldn't let me up or eat because if I didnt' start progressing I was bound for a c-section which I did not want with all my heart. I layed in bed and cryed and prayed that my cervics would dialate at 5:30 they said the Dr would be in in about anhour and a half and would probably want to section me. At 6:35 my daughter was born with 2 pushes and no tearing.

Now my joyfull experiance. I was well prepared to go into labor on my own and took bradly classes(It was the best) my DH was so great and knew how to read my cues. I went into labor a week early!! went to the hospital to early becasue I didn't know what real labor was like. But they kept me. I got in the tub after I really started hurting and in the hour I was in there went from a 3 to a 7! When I got out it hurt but I was prepared to just relax. I had changed Dr this time. She sat on the end of my bed and with a few pushes my son was born perfect and I got to nurse him right away. No tearing no skid marks no nothing. after 2 hours They needed to take me to a room. They took Iceland to do all his stuff and my husband went with him. They took me to my room I got up went to the bathroom took a shower and tehn walked to the nusery. The nurse looked at me and said is everything ok. I said yes I just wanted to see my son I just gave birth to. SHe said most moms don't come to the nursery so soon! It was worth the 14 hours of pain to beable to feel so awsome and awake! This baby will be with the same Dr and the same way.
post #7 of 16
I had an intevention ridden hospital birth with my first, which was upsetting to me at the time, but not necessarily traumatic. I learned a lot of good lessons, which I was able to use the second time around.

With my second, the birth itself was easy, but the situation in which my son was born was very traumatic. I sufferred PTSD as a result, and in the last four years have sufferred from three bouts of major depression. Just in the last year I got some very effective treatment for the PTSD and that has helped a lot. It helped the depression go away too. Yet I still have some residual fears, and I am trying to work through them as this pregnancy progresses.

to all of you also working through past experiences.
post #8 of 16

Count me in....

TOTALLY-- although I am finally feeling somewhat "okay" with it-- in fact I couldn't even think of doing it again until I was a little on the mend......so DS was 2 when I was finally ready to have another go at birthing, and he will be over 3 when the LO arrives

I did talk therapy (I also had BAD postpartum depression and am still on meds) which helped a ton. And I am totally NOT a writer and hate to journal, but as soon as I wrote out the whole thing, including expletives at my midwife, and just poured out all the anger...it was like instantaneous release from all the hurt and trauma. I also started a support group so I could surrounf myself with women who didn't say things like, "well, at least you have a healthy baby" or like my friggin midwife said "at least you didn't have a c-section" (gee thanks!) We each took turns telling our stories (one or two per meeting).

Now I am able to talk about it without getting my heart rate up and feeling negative thoughts (well, mostly)

I think BFW is a great book to start with-- and one I really liked was called something like "Recovering from Childbirth: an emotional journey" or something like that.

Hugs to all on this path-- it's certainly a hard one
post #9 of 16
I guess both of mine have been kind of traumatic. Well, the first was majorly & the second, I guess it depends on your view of traumatic.

Ds1 was cesarean because my water broke & I hit the stupid 24 hour time limit without really going into labour, even with maxed pit. I got a high transverse cut & over a year of painful recovery.

Ds2 was a UBAC. Labour didn't start until over about 90 hours after my water broke. He got stuck, it took ages to figure out how to fix things, I was getting transistion/pushing pain for about 15 hours (except for a brief break after he was unstuck), plus pain in my scar, terror of rupturing.

I would really, really like to have a nice, gentle, normal birth. I have 'Rebounding from Childbirth' & I'm going to read it soon. Not sure what else I'm going to do yet.
post #10 of 16
Oh my yes.

My first included a several week stay in the hospital and an induced labor & delivery with every intervention possible(minus a c-section)occurring.

I've been really bitter about the whole thing and while I have tried to let it go, I am finding myself filled with a lot of fear about a recurrence of the situation and lacking faith in myself that I CAN go through pregnancy, labor and delivery without someone intervening.

I'm hoping for a homebirth this time around. But I'm scared.
post #11 of 16
Thread Starter 
I have been thinking hard, and I think my biggest fears are:

1. They will take my baby away again
2. I will have to watch them hurt my baby again
3. They will take my glasses away and I will not be able to see my baby as a newly born spirit. When they finally brought her back I didn't recognize her and she didn't feel like mine. I feel like I never got the baby back that they took from me seconds after she was born. I lost that baby forever. (yes, I love my daughter and I know she is mine (in my head))

If we end up at the hated hospital, I am not sure how to keep these things from happening, because we *tried* to stop them from happening that time too.

:

Sending love and strength to all of you who have found your way back to this crazy journey.
post #12 of 16
I had a traumatic birth, but I don't fear this delivery the way I thought I would. Instead, I feel confident and like this delivery will be different and lead me to healing on my part. All of our problems happened because of unwanted intervention and that just won't be an issue this time since we'll be at a birthing center.
post #13 of 16
My last homebirth was long and !!!extremely!! painful due to baby being in an acynclic position. I swore I was never ever doing that again - and here I am with a surprise pregnancy.

When I first found out I was practically ill and having anxiety attacks. I'm doing better now - figuring that it can't be that bad again.
post #14 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by MossbackMeadow View Post
My last homebirth was long and !!!extremely!! painful due to baby being in an acynclic position. I swore I was never ever doing that again - and here I am with a surprise pregnancy.

When I first found out I was practically ill and having anxiety attacks. I'm doing better now - figuring that it can't be that bad again.
oh mama-- that was DS too. asynclitic, uuugghhh! did you have back labor with it as well? or was it just me if you did have it, did it at any point go away? even once we transported and the doc said "his head is just fine" there was no change in the back pain-- either he didn't have the skills to detect the asynclitism like my midwife did, or he'd moved by then but the back labor didn't let up.

i will try to figure out how to post my birth story somewhere for you all to read-- it's way too long to post here:

mamacavebear: i just want to hug you. what pain you went through and continue to go through. wishing you peace and healing...
post #15 of 16
Me!!

I had the intervention riddled, pit induced, c-sectioned asynclitic baby last time. Most of it was due to me not speaking up though. I do take responsibility for a big part. I was just in such a bad spot mentally (due to other issues) that by the time labor actually started, I was spent and just didn't care what happened. I didn't tell them "no" at all when in my head, I was screaming it a bunch of times.

It will not happen that way again. I am having a homebirth with a midwife, though a UC is not out of the question either. Still searching for a MW at this point.

I was very angry starting around 6 months PP, when i realized what had really happened. I used that anger to do a lot of research for the eventual next time (aka, now). It helped a lot. That feeling of knowing better grew and grew until I actually confronted my OB. He was less than pleased, I am sure. But it got him motivated enough that he did pull my file and read through it all. Of course, he is still convinced i needed the c-section. Sure, by the end, after all the other crap that had been done, I did need the section. But had he just left me alone, I am 95% sure it would not have turned out that way.

I am not angry any more. What happened has made me who I am today, and I wouldn't change that, but next time will still be different. I do have doubts though. i totally understand why some people just get the c the next time. Failing a VBAC is a scary thought. It is easiest mentally to just get cut again (thought the physical is a pain).
post #16 of 16
My first birth was a nightmare, and the OB for my second was actually my life saver. First was through a midwife, who sucked big time. Wound up major pre-eclampsia, failed induction after fourteen hours of pukey labor. The OB for my second birth was amazing, he not only counseled me through the birth, but also into some issues I had from being molested as a child, so Breanna's birth was absolutely this amazing experience, and she nursed for 18 months (Josh nursed about three months)

Then Avari's birth was very difficult. She was a UC, our second one, and was malpresented...arm up over her head sideways. I knew something was wrong, and just went for broke pushing her out. She was fine, but I hemorrhaged and took a long time healing. It was the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt, and scared me too. Then I had two very traumatic miscarriages, late term. *I* was out of control, unable to focus on anything but my misery. My last miscarriage was very healing though, and has made a huge difference. Asher was born very peacefully at home, with the kids bringing me water and dh holding my hand. I'm looking forward to this birth, and fearful that I'll miscarry at 18 weeks again.
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