Best information nuggets for concerned friends/family?

[lovetheheights]

Hello:
I am delurking to ask whether anyone has advice on how to deal with people who are either afraid/curious or just against HB. Not the full articles, but the little facts and figures, or just general talking points that run down some helpful stats for those who are concerned with homebirth.

I'll tell you what helped me the most when I had concerns:

- that for the vast majority of situations (lack of oxygen, even hemorrhaging) the HMW has all the materials a doctor would- that the response to those issues are either oxygen, or medication which is available at home.
- if your baby was to need to be "whisked away to surgery" (who knows whether it was life threatening or not- this particular aunt is especially upset that I am doing a HB) even at a hospital it takes time to gather a surgery team, so the transfer time is similar. (this in response to a concerned aunt who talked about a child she knows that was born with undiagnosed spina bifada and had to go right into surgery)
- that a birthing center is basically like giving birth at someone else's home...since if it's free standing it has the same materials a HB midwife has and you would still need a transfer should you need surgery.

So, what is your 1 minute response when people are upset? (my response has been "I know this attitude is coming from a place of fear, so here are some things that might help you feel less afraid.") But it gets annoying and tiring....thanks!

forgive me if there is a thread about this- I looked around and didn't see any

[D'sMama]

How about "Until you've done as much research on this as I have, I'm not going to waste my time debunking the myths and false preconceptions you have."
Well, that may be a bit hostile but it could work!

For me, it's taken many conversations over several months with some people, an email the length of a book with others. With some friends, it was just "trust me, I've done the research. It's safe and it's my decision." The strategy changes depending on who I'm talking with. Some people still think it'll be at a hospital, since they just didn't put together "my midwife has admitting privileges at..." with homebirth.

You could also say "You do know that midwives are trained birth professionals, fully capable of handling emergencies, right?"

Then there's "Show me a study that says hospitals are safer than home for low-risk women with qualified birth attendants. You can't, because there are none."

Or you could turn it around and ask "Do you really think I'd be so irresponsible about my baby's birth as to make a decision that I felt was unsafe or that I was uninformed about?"

[CEG]

Originally Posted by lovetheheights

Hello:
I am delurking to ask whether anyone has advice on how to deal with people who are either afraid/curious or just against HB. Not the full articles, but the little facts and figures, or just general talking points that run down some helpful stats for those who are concerned with homebirth.

I'll tell you what helped me the most when I had concerns:

- that for the vast majority of situations (lack of oxygen, even hemorrhaging) the HMW has all the materials a doctor would- that the response to those issues are either oxygen, or medication which is available at home.
- if your baby was to need to be "whisked away to surgery" (who knows whether it was life threatening or not- this particular aunt is especially upset that I am doing a HB) even at a hospital it takes time to gather a surgery team, so the transfer time is similar. (this in response to a concerned aunt who talked about a child she knows that was born with undiagnosed spina bifada and had to go right into surgery)
- that a birthing center is basically like giving birth at someone else's home...since if it's free standing it has the same materials a HB midwife has and you would still need a transfer should you need surgery.

So, what is your 1 minute response when people are upset? (my response has been "I know this attitude is coming from a place of fear, so here are some things that might help you feel less afraid.") But it gets annoying and tiring....thanks!

forgive me if there is a thread about this- I looked around and didn't see any

The closest hospital to my home, where I work, and where I would deliver if I chose a hospital, does not have 24 hour anesthesia or OB. So I would leave my house and call them and I would be there before the team arrived... just as if I was there and there was some sort of emergency I would have to wait for them to arrive. I haven't changed anything.

As for undiagnosed spina bifida, I am assuming that this involved a specialty team that was not standing by just in case. Presumably they had to call people in for this surgery, even in a huge academic medical center. It probably seemed like the baby was rushed into surgery but in reality I bet there was a wait.

I think birth centers are great but my house is going to have everything a birth center would have. A birth center doesn't have surgical capabilities or hordes of surgical teams standing around in case there is an issue.

[mustangtbn]

Well, first of all, some people will ask these questions because they are truly concerned and curious, yet willing to have an open mind. Some have already made their minds up and will pick at you and pick at you, regardless of what you say, if you allow them. So my rule before my first homebirth was that I would have 1 discussion with anyone who was truly curious to address questions and concerns, but I would not argue. After that, I simply told them that I had done the research to decide that this was what was the safest for me and my baby, we had already discussed it and the matter was closed for further discussion. I also limited the number of people I told at all.

Second, for some reason, telling concerned people "Well, we will stay at home as long as everything is ok and then go to the hospital if there is a problem" seemed to placate most everyone. I don't know why, it's not as if I would refuse to go to the hospital if there were an emergency!

Also, as OP and PP have mentioned, even with emergency surgery, it's not like the doctors are waiting outside your door, scrubbed and ready to go - they have to be called in from wherever they are. In my case, the anesthesiologist at my local hospital literally lives across the street. Also, we (at our MW's suggestion) got in touch with our local EMT team and found out, in case of emergency, who would assist us, how long it would take him to get here, etc. so we were able to share that info with people if we so chose. Finally, in the hospital, it's not like the nurses or doctors are with you the whole time. At home, the MW will be, so it seems more likely that they'd be able to spot a problem than a nurse who isn't in the room! Plus the MW knows you and your unique medical history, where as the nurses (and possibly OBs) have no idea.

[amitymama]

I like this blog entry someone did with Q&A about home birth http://ronrothman.com/public/leftbra...th-courageous/

[*MamaJen*]

I usually say that homebirths in low risk pregnancies have similar motality rates as hospitals, but lower rates of morbidity. I try to focus on the fact that homebirthers don't risk things like epesiotemies, C-sections, resistant infections from hospital bugs, etc.
There are lots of other things I say if the discussion is long, but it's hard to bullet point it. Choosing homebirth over hospital birth is such a paradigm shift, y'know?

[notjustmamie]

Were it my friends and family, I might just tell them that if they're not willing to research the issue for themselves, I won't waste my time explaining it to them. But it sounds like you want to be nicer than I would.

I posted a half dozen or so summaries of journal articles about the safety of homebirth on my blog. I linked to the abstracts/articles as well, if you or anyone else is wanting to do more in-depth research.

[lovetheheights]

thank you ALL- I will respond individually when I can but there is so much here that I have to thank you for! Thank you thank you thank you.

[IowaMom]

When I talk to people who are against it, mostly my parents, I've asked them to be specific with their concerns. What is it about this that concerns you? They're response is usually - "emergency." Well, what emergency? And I'm able to go from there.

For my mom it was hemorraghing after birth (I don't know why - I've never done it before so I don't know why that was her pick) --- easily explained that my MW carries pitocin which is the same thing that'd be used in the hospital.

For my dad it was emergency c-section. So I explained that at our local hospitals there's a 30-45 minute window from when the doc says "c-sec time" to when you're on the table. I live 15 minutes from the hospital. Plenty of time to call and let them know we're coming, get there, get prepped and everything can still happen in that timeframe.

I think asking them what they're specific concern is though and giving a straight answer can help ease some fears. I haven't come across anyone who's been completely opposed to it -- or at least they haven't acted overly opposed to my face - so I've been able to answer all questions/concerns without feeling like I'm arguing. However, my prepared back up answer just in case is, "I researched this for 6 months before making a decision. When you've spent that much time reading what I've read, and still have concerns, come talk to me then."