Need help with lopsided breast issue!

[mommyinIL1976]

It's been a very trying month and today the stuff hit the fan. DD will be 12 in three weeks. About a month ago her left breast started to grow...A LOT. Her right breast is still flat as a board. DD has been brought to near hysterics over it DH and I have been trying to reassure her that it's not that noticeable, but it really is : We thought by now the right breast would have caught up, especially with how fast her left breast has grown. She knows that lopsidedness is normal, but I never would have thought it would be like this. I feel so bad for her, because she has never been embarrassed about anything.

Today we went back to school shopping...we bought a few camis with poofy tops that do a pretty good job of hiding the difference. Has anybody else had to deal with this? Any ideas on what we can buy to make the difference less obvious. My mom suggested getting her a falsie and a bra, but DD refuses to wear a bra...her breast is so tender

Then, to top it all off, DD's friend who will also be in the 7th grade told DD tonight that she thinks 7th grade girls have to shower after physical education...so DD cried herself to sleep tonight.

I feel so bad for her, and I don't know what to do to help!!! Please I need some inventive ideas!!!!!

[NiteNicole]

I'm sorry she's so sad and self-concious about this. I think it's understandable at her age...I mean, her body is changing and it's not changing like she though it would or like she thinks everyone else's is.

If she won't wear a bra, I don't see that there's much she can do other than avoid fitted tops and hope for the best. Maybe try layers? Is she only refusing because she's sensitive? There are a whole lot of pretty comfortable bras out there, some of them even with the foam cup (I personally hate these, but they are molded so she could easily slip something in to fill out the other side). It wouldn't be noticable at all. And chances are, she's just going to need it for a little while. Either things will more or less catch up or she'll decide it's not as big a deal as she thought.

As for showering after gym...this is not something I ever had to do in all my years of school - there was never time in the schedule for showering and I have no idea how that would work. I don't actually know anyone who ever had to do that. You could probably call her school tomorrow and find out if that's true or not.

[lifeguard]

Nitenicole said it pretty well!

[theretohere]

Could you sew the falsie to the inside of a cami? It would stay in place and she wouldn't need a bra.
I hope that this doesn't affect her self-esteem.

[stoof21]

If the other side is truly flat with no noticeable changes, I'd consult her pedi. Lopsidedness is normal, but no development at all on one side may be an indicator of insufficient glandular tissue.

Like the PPs said, I wouldn't worry about the showers. I don't think I've ever seen anyone shower after gym class except in movies.

[MadameXCupcake]

Maybe its a new thing.
I'm 20 so it was only 3ish years ago..
Everyone showers after gym class, especcially in high school.
Its optional, so she doesn't 'have to' but almost all girls do.

I second talking to a doctor, NO growth at all on one side would be a bit worrysome.

Give your daughter big !

[Nathan1097]

When I was going into 8th grade, they signed me up for all the basic classes, as I'd transfered from a private school. What was first hour but gym! I hated the idea of showering. Not because I'd be seen naked but because I figured I would have already showered not long before. Well, turned out that you could replace gym with either band, orchestra, or choir as your phys. ed. requirement. So 8th through 12th grades, I was in choir. (Turned out to love it and then major in vocal performance in college.)

[ziggy]

i'm 21, and if it helps, I don't think ANYBODY ever showered at my school after gym. I mean, you technically had the option, but nobody did. Everyone built it up like we'd all have to strip naked and get in the showers, and that turned out to be crap.

[Crystal Pegasus]

Everyone had to- no choice- shower after gym at my high school... and they were open showers! yikes! But most of us just showered with our gym uniforms on, then changed in the toilet cubicles. No way would I have showered naked in front of other girls, especially at that tentative age, where kids are developing at different rates. I don't think it should be allowed to force them to do this... it's pretty well abuse in my opinion- they at least should have privacy, or the choice to do it or not! Maybe you can contact the school and find out their policy... then, if they do enforce this, write a letter stating you are not happy with your extremely self consious daughter being made to shower naked in public, and state you don't give permission.

Have you thought of homeschooling her for a while, at least until her body equalises out and she's more comfortable.

[BelovedK]

We never HAD to shower after gym, fwiw, I developed in my right breast faster than my left, it evened out though, it is normal and she will most likely catch up soon. I like the idea of sewing a falsie into the one side of the cami.

I feel for her The teen years can be so hard for them as they are growing and changing. I also know how hard it is to witness your child in such distress.

[BelovedK]

Oh, one more thing, if she is forced to shower, most people avert their eyes and don't stare at other girls naked bodies. I would feel uncomfortable being caught looking at another girl's breasts.

[mommyinIL1976]

Thanks to all for the support...just to clarify some things: I exaggerated the flat as a board comment. DD does have a "bud" on her right side, but it's nothing more than a raised nipple. Her left breast is about the size of a golf ball, but on a 76 pound 11 year old, it looks like a huge difference. Our ped isn't concerned about it. She said that it isn't anything to worry about unless the disparity is still there in 6-12 months.

I'm not sure how practical it would be to sew falsies into 5 or 10 outfits. This morning I had DD try on a soft cotton tank top and shes going to wear it today and hopefully it won't irritate her breast. Maybe there's a way I can affix the falsie to it??? At least then I can just sew a falsie into a few of those instead of several outfits.

Unfortunately, home schooling is not an option...my DH and I both work outside of the home.

As far as the shower issue, I will call the school on Monday. When I was in school I know that showers were mandatory and I don't remember it being much of an issue. DD wouldn't have a problem with group showers if it weren't for this issue.

[PoppyMama]

I don't think you can be forced to get naked in the shower. I would worry about a falsie sewn into a camie shifting and drawing more attention to it. A comfortable bra is a much better option but I would leave the decision up to her. If it doesn't start to correct in the next year I would request a referral to a plastic surgeon. If it does end up very uneven and it's taken care of before she is 18 insurance will cover it as reconstructive but if she waits until she's an adult it will generally be considered cosmetic and not be covered.

[chiromamma]

I developed like this. I hated it. Especially since my sister developed a knock out figure seemingly overnight. I think it all shifted within 6 months or so. By the time I got my period they were pretty much "even." I wore a bra and looser shirts. I'd skip the falsie. The mortification of that being found out is almost unthinkable. I cannot believe a school can force girls to shower communally.

[aniT]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

I cannot believe a school can force girls to shower communally.

Honestly, I don't think they can. I just think they like to make you believe they can. You have rights as a parent. I wouldn't give my permission.

FWIW no one ever took showers when I was in high school and we didn't even have to dress down in Jr. High. Although there weren't any locker rooms at the school anyway.

[CalaRei]

Heck, I'm still lopsided.

My mom said that showers were mandatory after her gym class, but ours never were. We always barely had time to change and run to the next class anyway. In high school, though, we had swimming, and we all rinsed off after that because the pool had obscene amounts of chlorine in it.

[journeymom]

Tell your daughter this: my 13 y.o. dd noticed that the bras with the stiff, padded cup (t-shirt bras?) actually protected her sensitive breasts better than going without, or even the soft bras. And because they're the stiff cups they make you look even. Like this: Target They're not padded with falsies, they're just- shells.

I wasn't required to shower back in the 80s, and dd isn't required to shower in middle school.

[mamahart]

oh poor little sweetie, my dd had this issue and it has evened out and then done the same thing where one breast is significantly larger...right now one nipple is popped out and the other is inverted and smaller...gosh what a hassle. She loves the shell bras that protect tenderness and hide all the crazy growth. I found a site from canada that was very child friendly that talked all about this kind of development, which in our case is totally normal. She'll be OK. Just cheer her on.

[mommyinIL1976]

Thanks for all the positive responses. We are going to go to shopping this weekend for some "shell bras". Thank you mamaheart and journeymom for that idea. DD seems to think she would like to try those.

I finally got a call back from the school. I was told that showers aren't mandatory for girls, but strongly recommended. She went on to tell me that showers are only required for boys. I thought, "Now wait a minute....so boys don't feel emabarrassed about their bodies." It never occured to me that my older DS was forced to shower. He just took it in stride and never said anything about it. He said it didn't bother him, but I can't help to notice the double-standard here. :

DD is doing better, but her breast is so tender. I think it's her nipple that is so sore. It's so red and shiny it almost looks chapped. She rubbed some cocoa butter on it and said that seems to help. Poor thing, I can't help to feel so bad for her, but she's starting to feel better. DS2 made fun of her today and she gave him a firm slap to the back of the head....she's back

[harrietsmama]

Originally Posted by mommyinIL1976

Thanks for all the positive responses. We are going to go to shopping this weekend for some "shell bras". Thank you mamaheart and journeymom for that idea. DD seems to think she would like to try those.

I finally got a call back from the school. I was told that showers aren't mandatory for girls, but strongly recommended. She went on to tell me that showers are only required for boys. I thought, "Now wait a minute....so boys don't feel emabarrassed about their bodies." It never occured to me that my older DS was forced to shower. He just took it in stride and never said anything about it. He said it didn't bother him, but I can't help to notice the double-standard here. :

DD is doing better, but her breast is so tender. I think it's her nipple that is so sore. It's so red and shiny it almost looks chapped. She rubbed some cocoa butter on it and said that seems to help. Poor thing, I can't help to feel so bad for her, but she's starting to feel better. DS2 made fun of her today and she gave him a firm slap to the back of the head....she's back

My breasts were very tender at first also. MY dd is going through this and cabbage leaves *really* help. I used them for engorgement and it really helped! She doesn't even have bumps yet, so she wears a little sprts bra type thing and we put the cabbage circles in there to hold em in place. It's very relieving!