please be gentle...

[paranoidprego]

my simple question is how do you incorporate gentle discipline when you have inherited your mother's temper? i have always been so patient with my dd - it also helped that she was such a wonderful, obedient child. then i had ds 2 weeks before her second birthday. all was well, and then she started getting on my last nerve. i have been so impatient with her and getting so angry and i hate it! i don't want to be this way. i never really had a specific way of disciplining before, but now i get angry over stupid things like her waking up ds.

please help me figure out how to get over this. i want my daughter to be a happy, confident child and she is (except when she is pushing all my buttons). i feel like my son is getting all the positive attention and she is seeking attention but its often negative. don't get me wrong, we shower her with affection when she is being herself. i hope this makes sense to you.
thanks!

[Ivan's Mom]

Sounds just like me. I have PPD and a history of depression though, so my situation is different.

I am now being counseled by my Holistic Doctor and she has some good advice to go along with my acupuncture. Try your hardest to ignore the whining and demanding. Incorporate older child in younger child's life in a positive way. "What a wonderful kind big sister you are!" "The baby loves you." "Thank you for being quiet while baby gets his sleep." "Mommy needs rest...thank you so much for understanding and being quiet."

Hope things get better quickly. The first 2 weeks is the toughest.

[Fuamami]

I had a very similar situation when ds1 was born. I was the best mom ever before that. Well, probably not ever, but it was so easy to remain calm.

I really like "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey, and "Parenting From the Inside Out". Both of those books had a lot of ideas for remaining calm, and gave me some perspective. I think journaling has helped, too, w/identifying my triggers and "working out" my rational brain muscles. I'd also put off or get help with everything you can. We moved when ds1 was 6 weeks old into a tiny little dump, and had to put our other house up for rent, and I had to do most of that. I think it really would have changed the whole dynamic between dd and ds1 if I hadn't had to do that. It was so stressful, and I think dd blamed ds1 for that, and just contributed to them getting off on the wrong foot.

[jaidymama]

First off, give yourself tons of credit that you have stopped to ask the questions. That takes a lot to recognize something within yourself that you want to change. So kudos!

The thing is to stop, and breathe. I have learned a lot about dealing with my own anger, The main key is to learn your triggers or see the red flags BEFORE you get to your tipping point. I have done things like say Mommy needs a time out, and go to another room or the bathroom quietly for a few minutes. Other things like setting your children up to be successful, planning meals and snacks and sleep for everyone helps immensely. While we do want our children to be easy for us (especially when we're feeling overwhelmed) kids are kids and they're going to do only what they know how to do. And sometimes their obstinate behavior comes from unmet needs. The other thing about kids and parents is I have found myself needing to reevaluate what I'm asking my son--asking I'm expecting something from him that he can't give. So if I have these expectations that he can't meet then that just sets he and I up for failure.


Also, remember to get your needs met and have some time to yourself even weekly... it might not seem like much but it can help give you the reserves to handle stressful situations.

Quite simply, try to stay alert to prepare for when you sense yourself getting angry. Then change the situation somehow someway, make change... go outside, go to another room, change activities. Or simply take a deep breath and try to smile.

Good luck!

[jaidymama]

On days that are extremely difficult I have taken some herbal remedies to help.