Help with Hitting (please I beg you) *sigh*

[beep_4]

My daughter just turned 2. For about the last 6 months or so she has been hitting other kids. We attend a weekly playgroup with the same kids (and have since she was an infant). Every week I catch her hitting another toddler at least once and some weeks she seems to be on a hitting spree. Every time she hits I take her away from the child she is hitting, look her in the eyes and say "No hitting! We do not hit!" and I have her apologize to the other child. Recently I have tried time outs but she really could care less. In fact, sometimes she asks for a time out...like, for fun.

The Mom's at playgroup are so patient and understanding but I am growing increasingly embarrassed that this hasn't stopped in 6 months. At our last playgroup one of the other toddlers was getting a diaper change and my daughter went up, right in front of the other mom who was changing the diaper, and hit the other girl in the stomach.

She never hits me or my husband. Its really only other kids.

Help please!

[mom22girls]

Hugs - no fun for mama! What she is doing is trying to get the other child's attention, and unfortunately hitting works. I think you need to go and play with her with the other kids (although I suspect she's too young to play WITH other kids). This is not the time for you to relax and chat with the other moms (it will come in time). This is time for you to model playing harmoniously around other children, and prevent her from lashing out.

Personally, forced apologies do no good in my book. Instead I model it. I'm not really a "time out" fan either, what I think your dd needs is more supervision.

[D_McG]

I have not yet had a persistent problem with this but when DS (2) hits a child at playgroup more than say.. 2x.. we leave. "I see you're not in the mood to be here. Let's leave". And then we do. I'm not saying that's why we don't have a persistent problem though. It may be just that he hasn't reached that point yet.

eta: I warn him in advance. Before we go in I remind him that we have to play nicely and if he's not playing nicely I tell him (quietly) that we'll have to leave if he can't be gentle. I keep it pretty light. I feel like I don't always want to be social, either.

[lotus.blossom]

I can empathise with you. I have a hitter too. (and a pincher and biter) and some weeks he is really sweet and some weeks he is really aggressive. I haven't really seen a pattern but there are weeks that we bow out of activities. My approach is usually to comfort the child and apologise to them and then take my son away and talk to him about it. Then I tell him that when we hurt someone its nice to say sorry and bring him over and give him the opportunity to say sorry. I never force- but I think its a good habit to get into. My son says sorry after he hurts me so I know he gets it at least.

I think the only thing to do in this case is to hover. I can usually tell by a look on my DS's face that he is going to lash out. If I hover and intervene by grabbing his arm then he sometimes gets the message. Otherwise its best for my own interests to just stay home.

Hope your lil one grows out of it!

[Martha_2sons]

You now your little one best, do you think she is overstimulated by the play group at this age? My older son has had periods of time where we have had to step away from larger group gatherings because it would bring out some aggression in him. Hard for me as I look forward to a chance to be with my friends, but also a relief since it was hard to also see him struggling in this way. The good news is that it does tend to be a stage that she will outgrow.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

There is a great little book called "Hands are Not For Hitting" that might help. It talks about other things we can do with our hands, like hug. Perhaps reading that on a daily basis, and reminding her when she does hit that there are other positive things to do with our friends, would help. Redirect her in a way that shows her how to get the attention she is looking for without being violent to get it.