A deep longing but DH says no - Page 2

[jenniferlynne]

I could have written your exact post. I also have two little ones and lost an unplanned baby at 5 weeks last month. I'd vaguely been wanting another one, but after the m/c the longing became intense. DH is not on board, so I'm trying to come to terms with that. I don't have any advice for you... Just lots of hugs. I am trying to just enjoy the two little ones I have and be grateful for them--I am--but I still feel sad. I think we can only hope that, in time, either our DHs will change their minds, or we will find a way to be at peace with not having more babies.

[aimeesmama]

I'm getting to be in the same place. We have two girls (almost 4 and 14 months), and I am really wanting to have one more. DH originally only wanted one, but it was a pretty easy sell to get to two. Three just seems to be a quantum leap - we have a 3 bedroom house (so what room would another child have?), we couldn't fit 3 car seats in our car (so we'd need a bigger gas guzzling car), there are two of us (so who could chase down a third?). Plus I know financial issues are in the front of his mind, as I stopped working after our second DD arrived.

Our first child was and is very high needs (and probably ODD if you put a "label" on it), so it has been very tough. I think if our oldest had the personality of our youngest it wouldn't be such a hard sell, as she is incredibly laid back. My youngest stopped nursing 6+ weeks ago, but I am still pumping, so I haven't even gotten my period back yet, so this is all a bit theoretical. I'm turning 40 soon, so I think he thinks we are a bit old, too. I think he thinks it is kind of like we played Russian Roulette and got two healthy children, so why risk it?

I'm pretty sure he won't change his mind on this one, but still hoping I can figure out a way to address his concerns so maybe we can have a meeting of the minds. Big hugs to you other mamas in the same boat! (and thanks to concerned-dad for your input too.)

[fantesia28]

Hi ladies,

I am in the same boat as many of you! My DH and I have been having conversations about having a 3rd for well over 2 years now. I thought we were finally getting to a point where we might be in agreement and just go for it. However, after talking last night it appears that is probably not going to be the case.

My DH was going to agree to TTC, but after thinking about it and not being able to convince himself it was the right thing to do, we are probably not going to afterall. He is worried about the economy and the financial side of things. This is hard for me to swallow because I have held out hope for soooo long that things would work out. I feel as though there is someone missing from our family, but my DH doesn't understand that. I guess it's a maternal thing. I totally understand and get my DH's concerns, I just wish that he didn't always have to be so logical. I know that we would be okay - yes, we might at some point not have a ton of extra money, but we would be okay. I guess that is where I am struggling... but at the same time, I can't expect my DH to agree to something that he has concerns about.

If only it were something as simple as buying a pair of shoes... but it's not. It's heart wrenching when you want to have another child and you and your DH can't agree. We are on the same page about so many other things, it's hard when you can't agree one way or another on something as important as a child. I obviously don't want another child without him really wanting one too. I would never ever want to risk our marriage and family. BUT... I really do want another child and somehow I have to figure out how to get through the pain and longing that I have for another child.

I apologize that my post was so long... I really am just kind of emotional about this topic today. I felt that we were going to get to a place where we could make a decision - maybe I was hoping it would go my way and now that it isn't I am not sure how to deal with these feelings.

Thanks for listening - didn't mean to highjack the thread.

[VT mountaingirl]

I have been feeling the same as many of you. At least we are not alone. It is so hard to feel these baby pangs and not have DH feeling them too. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that we are not going to have another child, but it is almost like that child is here with me...in my soul. That probably sounds ridiculous, but it is how I feel. I wish I had an easy answer for all of us. Here is a hug for all of you . Take care and love all of the little ones that are here now.

[Pookietooth]

You might want to check out Spirit Babies. The author talks about how you can have a connection to a baby who has not yet been conceived. He has a website here.