If I were posting this, I know that I would hate some of the responses here. I worked for a homebirth, and by gum, I FAILED at it. To tell ME that I didn't fail would be slapping me in the face.
I don't know if that's how you feel, so I'm not addressing that in any way. But if you haven't found ICAN, join their online group (I went to one group in person and didn't like it at all). They saved my life.
"(I went in to get an epidural so I could sleep anyway) and the OB wouldn't get me pain relief until I consented to the section."
I see you're in Washington. Except for the fact that St Joseph in Tacoma doesn't do VBACs, I would wonder if that's where you went. If not, were you in Tacoma at all? If so, I would bet a million dollars that you saw the same OB as I did.
I was at 90 hours at home, though honestly the beginning really should have been called prodromal and nothing more should have been done, but when you're 42 weeks in WA, well, you'd have to have midwives that didn't lie to you when they said that would be OK when you hired them. Anyway, it was "called" labor and at 90 hours I was forced to transfer (was so tired I forgot that I was the boss). Went 4 hours with an OB who refused to even let me SHOWER (I had showered early in the morning the day we went in, but I was still a sweaty mess and really needed my "aquadural", LOL), wanted me to lie down (agony with a posterior baby, not that anyone knew that), refused to give me food, etc etc etc etc....gave me the epidural after I promised I would consent if after 2 hours it didn't work.
It didn't work and away we went.
I realized this year (my son is 4) that I was really not all that bright, b/c I signed nothing legally binding, and could have simply said "no", but I wasn't capable of thinking at the time in that way, and here I am.
The withholding of pain relief unless you consent to something has GOT to be against the law in some way. It's just got to be.
I'm really super-sorry your VBAC was so interrupted by that OB. 77 hours sounds awful, but I would bet if you and I had a conversation, we would know that it could be gotten through with GOOD support and relief of the mother's choice if needed. I found out after everything that my MIL had had a UC in rural Korea (they just called it childbirth, not UC, of course) that took 6 days. If I had known that I could have called her. But I thought she was the enemy and I didn't.
I hope my words are OK. I hope your heart feels like my heart would have, and that I haven't slapped you in the face, b/c my intention is to hug you like I wish people had hugged me. My real-life "friends" wouldn't let me speak. They "should" on me, told me all the typical "you should be" lines like they were reading from a book. ICAN was my solace, my strength, the place I knew it was OK to have my feelings, to express my feelings, and to use the word "fail" if that's how I felt.
I wish you strength.