Her temper tantrums are scary

[ilikethedesert]

My almost 6 yo is having temper tantrums lately that scare me. She is normally very calm and sweet. Lately she'll get angry and stomps and screams and growls and wants to tear and break things and I swear it's like she's been temporarily possessed. She even hit me today!!!!!!!! Wha? When this happens I make her go outside and I sit with her until she calms down. She is losing control and she's getting strong and it's hard for me to calm her.

What is going on with my sweet little girl? I don't know what to do and I hate seeing this crazy little person in my daughter and I want it to go away!

Please tell me I am not alone and it is just a passing phase.

[daisie31]

While I don't really have any advice, I will tell you that I have had a temper like that most of my life. I recently went through a family struggle and realized that most of the reason I am prone to that temperment is because I have a strong need to feel validated. As a child, I didn't have this need met when conflict arose and was often punished for the way I reacted when bullied by my brother. I don't have anything to offer except my own experience. I keep it mostly under control now that I am a mama but there are times when I crave an outburst, full on tantrum, like an ex-smoker would crave a cig.

Sorry you are dealing with this with such a yound child. I have thought long and hard on ways to teach my son to handle anger. The best I can come up with is a punching bag..lol. Sounds weird perhaps but for me, it would help to get the anger out. I also never tell him not to be mad or not to act out, just try to help him do it safely and validate his feelings of frustration.

Hope you find something that helps her deal with these strong emotions.

Dena

[Ruthla]

Is this new for her, or has she always had an explosive temper?

If it's new, then something's going on with her. Is she not getting enough sleep? Is she eating regularly? Low blood sugar can turn some kids into "monsters." Many kids also react to artificial colors and/or flavors in foods. If this summer she's been eating a lot of "junk foods" or brightly colored ice creams from the ice cream truck, that could be the culprit.

[KYCat]

My ds1 is a calm on task kid. When he started kindy everything went great at school but, as a strong introvert, the day was long and really draining. He was also really tired and just needed to unwind. He would have huge tantrums about 3x a week for like a month or two. It was crazy and felt like forever but it wasn't . What made me feel like I had to post was when you mentioned that she hit you. I never hit but I found that when my son was tantrumming (sp?) any touch from me was received as violent. Sometimes I would be trying to move him into his room -- in our house in your room you can yell and scream but you can't scream at us in our house. Sometimes I was just trying to caress because that seemed like a relaxing calming thing that I could do to help. He was just so posessed that he couldn't process external stimuli properly and he would hit me. It really just seemed like something that he needed to go through. He definitely has a temper still but he doesn't have regular explosions anymore and I've figured out some ways to avoid them. For us -- he NEEDS time alone. as an extrovert it was hard for me to figure out but I'm getting better at living with this extreme introvert. It allows him to process his stuff. Not sure if this will help but you are not alone -- good luck.

[ilikethedesert]

Originally Posted by daisie31

While I don't really have any advice, I will tell you that I have had a temper like that most of my life. I recently went through a family struggle and realized that most of the reason I am prone to that temperment is because I have a strong need to feel validated. As a child, I didn't have this need met when conflict arose and was often punished for the way I reacted when bullied by my brother. I don't have anything to offer except my own experience. I keep it mostly under control now that I am a mama but there are times when I crave an outburst, full on tantrum, like an ex-smoker would crave a cig.

Sorry you are dealing with this with such a yound child. I have thought long and hard on ways to teach my son to handle anger. The best I can come up with is a punching bag..lol. Sounds weird perhaps but for me, it would help to get the anger out. I also never tell him not to be mad or not to act out, just try to help him do it safely and validate his feelings of frustration.

Hope you find something that helps her deal with these strong emotions.

Dena

Hm. Needing to feel validated for her emotions. I don't think I am neglecting this need, but will be extra aware of it. I'm sorry you went through this and I thank you and value your opinion.

[ilikethedesert]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Is this new for her, or has she always had an explosive temper?

If it's new, then something's going on with her. Is she not getting enough sleep? Is she eating regularly? Low blood sugar can turn some kids into "monsters." Many kids also react to artificial colors and/or flavors in foods. If this summer she's been eating a lot of "junk foods" or brightly colored ice creams from the ice cream truck, that could be the culprit.

Thank you for your thoughts. She does have a wheat allergy and this started shortly before we knew it, but that was about 6 months ago and she's been wheat free since. Sometimes it could be a hunger related thing, although last nights outbreak was before bed. She did have a busy day though. She doesn't eat junk food or lots of sugar, so it's not that. We have a pretty healthy vegan, whole food diet.

KYkat,
thank you for your experience. We don't hit in our house, either although my kids tend to beat on each other when they are mad! They are almost 6 and 3.5. That's another thread though~ We co-sleep and right now don't have the space for separate bed rooms. Her own "sanctuary" might be nice, but that is why I bring her outside. It helps. She usually wants me to stay with her and eventually hold her. I wonder if it has to do with the arrival of the baby, (6 mos) and my holding him all the time????

Thank you for reading and responding. Hearing of your experiences is opening my eyed to things I might not have thought of otherwise.

[milkybean]

"She doesn't eat junk food or lots of sugar, so it's not that. We have a pretty healthy vegan, whole food diet."

That's good. I was going to have you look at your foods for corn syrup, corn syrup solids, and high fructose corn syrup.

Actually, do it anyway, just to check. See if there's anything hiding in your cupboards (we found corn syrup in coleslaw the other day...hubby had checked the ingredients, but 2 minutes after ONE bite DS was flipping out, and later I checked the ingredients again and there it was). It's amazing what they put those things in.

The reaction your girl has is exactly the description of what happens when DS has those three ingredients I mentioned.

[mamazee]

I agree with Ruthla - if it's new, it's due to something new. And I'm guessing it's the new baby. That's a scary and confusing time for kids. And I'll be going through it with my daughter in 6 months. And she already has tantrums from time to time. So, if you find anything that helps, let us know here so I can keep it in my memory for when this hits us.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by ilikethedesert

I wonder if it has to do with the arrival of the baby, (6 mos) and my holding him all the time????

It could be. My ds was four and a half when his sister was born and it was really, really hard for him and still is, to lose my undivided attention for most of the day. I am trying to do more one on one time with him and hoping that helps. Sometimes it seems like there's no way I can give as much as he is asking for, but I understand that dd's arrival upended his world. It's been a hard year.

[ilikethedesert]

Well, I think some of it has to do with me not paying attention to all of her feelings, all the time. I noticed the startings of a tantrum and it was launched by a paper cut. I told her paper cuts hurt and other than a kiss you can't do much. This was SOOO the wrong answer. So we got a bandaid with sparkles and made a bigger deal, explaining to little sis what happened and that Gwennies finger really hurts, and.... wha la, three minutes later she was on to something else. No tantrum.

I'm sure we don't have corn syrup!