How to handle doing things 'behind my back'?

[mommy2abigail]

DD is 3. And very precocious! Smart kid, stubborn, and very very curious. I'm not 100%, but I lean toward CL as often as possible. Here is what is going on lately. I will go put the baby down, or be in the kitchen, bathroom, ect. and she will inevitable get into things she KNOWS not to.
Today, I was about to set her up to paint, and the baby woke. I was gone for a minute and she dumped a WHOLE BOTTLE of black paint everywhere. I lost it. It's not about *this* time. It's all. the. time. She wouldn't have done it if I were there, so it's not that she doesn't know or even that she can't control herself, she certainly can when ever I'm in the same room!

At any rate, I need a better way to handle it. I can't yell at her and it's not agreeable to be cleaning up all day long! She does help clean, but black paint (and most of her 'ideas') require an adult. I'm all cool with making messes, I'm not a crazy neat freak or anything. However, this is beyond spilling a little paint here and there. It's purposefully dumping lots out. FTR, our paint is usually kept high, out of reach. It happened to be down because we were just about to use it. I do feel though, that EVEN IF it's down she should be able to pour it out the proper way, the way she would have done with me there.

Again, this is not the only incident, far from it. It can be anything, from getting into stuff in the bathroom (my make up, soaps, perfume, ect) to the kitchen (climbing the counters to get into high cabinets, getting into the fridge, freezer, ect) to the bedroom, (destroying the bed, throwing pillows, blankets, ect on the floor). She knows not to do these things, we talk and talk and talk about how when mommy has more things to clean, I spend less time with her, ect. And lest you think I am not supervising, she can do this in literally 1 minute. I have to put the baby to sleep at times, or cook lunch, or use the toilet. I feel like I have to keep her in sight all the time. Which is not really feasible or fair. She also gets tons of one on one attention, since the birth of her sister. She actually probably gets MORE one on one that dd2, since dd2 is so easy going. (which I feel horribly guilty over but that's another thread!) I don't know how to handle this!!

[4evermom]

I don't know if this will be any help but I always told my ds to get me to come help him rather than telling him not to do things. So I didn't tell him "no matches" I told him he could light them anytime as long as a grown up was watching (fire was a major fascination, as were containers that could be squeezed out). This did involve a lot of dropping what I was doing because he called me but it also avoided a lot of sneaking.

For painting, I liked those tubes of paint with the brush on the end (Elmer's brand) because he could squeeze them out as much as he wanted and I could refill them.

[Ruthla]

I think the logical consequence of making a mess with the paint is that today we clean up paint and put the paints away, instead of getting to paint with them. While cleaning up, I'd talk a lot about how it would have been lots of fun to paint, but now we can't because your'e not using the paints properly. We'll have to try again another day.

You might need to stop doing some of the messier crafts completely. You can't guarantee that you won't be interupted by a crying baby, the doorbell, or the phone. If your child isnt' mature enough to follow some basic rules when you're gone for a minute or two, then your child isn't mature enough to use these items at all. Crayons would not have made such a mess, even if the entire box was dumped out onto the floor.

[kacymoose]

I actually don't think that a 3 year old has that kind of impulse control when the parent is not around. It sounds like a fascination with her. My kids have gotten into all kinds of things and make some really big ugly messes - including smearing their own poop all over the places. They drew crayons all over their walls one day while I was checking my e-mail. I have no idea where they got the crayons, and I know they would not have done it while I was in the room. I was POd, and had them help me clean. Still, I wasn't supervising - so I'm to blame too.

I like pp idea of having her let you know when she wants to make a mess, then you can help her find an acceptable way to do this. It sounds like she needs an outlet for this kind of experimentation.

[heartmama]

I would not leave her alone unless the room is childproofed. Yes I have lived this way. It is not forever. It is possible to leave nothing messy she can get into when left alone for 5 minutes. She is three. You can control her environment to an extent that will prevent access to paints, markers, shampoo, makeup, ingredients, toothpaste etc. You really, really can. And when necessary, don't leave her alone. Take her with you.

Not all small children need this level of supervision, but some do, and in my experience only time improves the situation. They eventually just grow up and out of this phase. Nothing a parent does will 'teach' a small child not to be impulsive. It's a brain thing, a sensory thing, a developmental thing...not your fault, not really hers either. The best you can do is control the environment so that 'making messes' of this nature is just no longer possible. Break the habit by removing the option. No arguing, no fussing over this, just do not leave her alone near messy stuff until she has matured a bit.