Setting Babymoon Boundaries?

[Shiloh]

So everyone starts calling and assuming a level of closeness in our relationships that not all of us have KWIM.

My ILs I am sure is bound to try to come up to see the new baby...but it frustrates me as they can drive past our house numerous times (they live two hours away) and never come over to visit the kids. They haven't bothered to come visit on their own steam in 3 years. I haven't seen them in two years and the last time they saw the kids was a year ago. My SIL and BIL its been 4 years (since the last baby was born).

I know that having a baby is an event but they don't show up for the kids events (graduation, recitals, dance performances, birthdays, etc)

So what are the polite ways to say you know I'll invite you when I am ready for company. Or piss off, you don't bother comming to see your grandchildren now whats a new one going to do?

DH thankfully told them I was due mid September....lol not mid August so they haven't been calling.

People calling..
I have a lot of family, I have a lot of friends. But somehow I've made everyone feel so special they all got to call me and think they are the only ones doing the daily check up calls. I am tired and exhausted now I don't think I am going to be superwoman after giving birth.....

And the neighbourhood BRAT
There's a little stray puppy in my area, he likes to play with my children. They are at camp until 5pm, I gave him my phone number to call thinking that would put him off from banging on my front door...nope. He woke up my nan by banging on the door until someone came at a time the kids are never home. He will just call and call and call...DH and I went out for date night, the mother called me to ask me a question I told her that DH and I were out and we had a sitter.... She calls me back in 20 minutes to ask me if the BRAT got to my house okay....um?
She knew I was out, my sitter has this stray 5 year old show up....I am PAYING the sitter....IF I send the child home cause we have company, are leaving he just comes back in 20-30 minutes...

HOW do I set boundaries so I don't get screwed after the baby comes?

[Surfer Rosa]

Hmmm...you have to be really upfront. We have a phone ladder set up: we are calling one friend (who will call other friends) and we will let our moms know (who will let the rest of the fmaily know). We will also shoot out an email with details for everyone, again reiterating we'd like some time together as a family first.
We've made it clear during both pregnancies that peeps will be told when they can come over. No drop ins (though this is kind of a rule for me anyway-I hate the drop in). Luckily we live in a different city from most of our relatives, so it's not too difficult to enforce. Last time we had a "visitation" from 2-5 on a Sunday-about 5 or 6 days after E was born, and we told our friends to come by but to be GONE by 5, or face my wrath, ha ha.
Good luck! Don't feel like a jerk for doing what's right for you and your fmaily-you come first!

[jennykilbo]

Originally Posted by Shiloh

But somehow I've made everyone feel so special they all got to call me and think they are the only ones doing the daily check up calls.

THIS! Me too! ACKKK
I have stopped answering them... of course then they think that I'm having the baby so the voicemails/emails keep piling up. Oh well.

[zoebird]

i agree that you have to be up-front and clear.

this is our policy that we have told everyone:

1. we will announce when the baby has arrived in three ways: the blog, through the yoga studio email list, and individual calls for important family members (my mother, his mother--they will call our sisters and other relatives).

2. the visitation is as follows:

A. my parents choose when to visit first and have a 3-4 hour visit scheduled. for example, if the baby is born on wednesday and they decide to come on friday, that is their visitation day. they will be the first to see the baby, and therefore no one is invited to come prior to their visit. after their visit is set, my ILs are invited to come as early as the day after my parents visit for a 3-4 hour visit.

B. we will be having a pot-luck "open house" for all others. the date and times will be announced on the blog and through the yoga studio email list. this will likely be on a saturday for a 4-5 hour stint about 2 weeks after the birth of the baby.

if you do not come during this time, then you are not invited to visit UNLESS we contact you and invite you to visit at a specific time.

Everyone is well aware of this policy, and we keep reasserting it as people keep asking. this is the plan, and we're sticking with it!

but, most people know that if they annoy me too much, they'll get an earfull!

[barefootpoetry]

We have already changed our answering machine message to say that we haven't had the baby yet, and turned off the ringer so it can intercept all those "HAD THE BABY YET?!??" calls.

When *I* decide I am ready to announce the birth (I really need to remind DH about this, I don't want him calling everyone in town before I"m ready to let my baby be passed around the room by every obscue relative I have), we will establish firm visiting hours and put it on our birth announcement (a digital version that I can put on my Myspace and send in email), answering machine message, and tell everyone who calls. I'm guessing we'll make it 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., and this will be our time to recieve calls as well.

Anytime not during those hours, we will lock the door, turn off the phone, and put a note on the door saying that we are resting and don't want company right now but they can feel free to come back during the visiting hours. If they can't respect this, then they can shove it. (Okay, I won't put that last part on the sign. )

I am going to be very vigilant about this as we had a whole house full of people the day we came home from the hospital last time and it was madness. I was so busy playing hostess that my ankles swelled up to cankles from all the running around. NOT THIS TIME. I am going to relax in bed and get to know this baby!

[AmyLaz]

We silenced our home phone as soon as we got home from the hospital. We return messages as we feel like it. We have told people that we will correspond via cell phone and email when we are able to return calls and emails. People inquire about visiting, and we schedule the visits, not them. You have to be firm (but kind).