11 month old tantrum help

[CanidFL]

I need help with DS and how to handle his new tantrums.

Here is one example:

In our living room we have the couch and computer desk beside each other. They go wall to wall with no breaks. DS is a climber and wants on the desk all.the.time. It is not safe for him to be up there.

If I am sitting on the couch, he will come up and whine at me and pull at my shirt like he wants to nurse. I pick him up and instantly he starts laughing/giggling/wiggling and is crawling towards the desk. As soon as I see him going for it, I put him on the floor and tell him it’s not safe. At this point he throws a full out fit and starts screaming, running in circles, etc. He will run away and then run to me to pick him up. If I pick him up, the cycle continues. If I don’t pick him up and just pat his back, he calms down in about a min. Then he will go play with something else and try to get up on the desk in about 1 min. While patting his back I will say something like “I know you want on the desk but it’s not safe for babies. It can be really frustrating when you can’t explore up there huh?” Of course he doesn’t get it because of his age.

If I am not sitting on the couch, he will push over a box or the big stuffed dog and climb up onto the couch

This can seriously go on for hours. I try distracting him and it does not work. He is very determined.

That is just one example. Pretty much anything can set him off. I am drinking water out of a glass and he wants to hold the glass…I am cooking and he wants up….I am loading the dishwasher and he wants to take out all the dirty dishes….

We had 8 hours of temper tantrums yesterday. I am exhausted.

I don’t know how to deal with this at such a young age. He doesn’t understand me and I can’t reason with him. I am already raising my voice and he is only 11 months

Suggestions?

[CanidFL]

[mum21andtwins]

move the desk or the sofa. Thats what I did anyway. I don't think its healthy to constantly be told they can't do something. 'if you decide to leave it be prepared to do this for a few years because even my 4 y/o can't resist a climbing opertunity

[Amberoxy]

I would agree on moving the desk away from the sofa. My DS is 12 months old and we spend the majority of our time in a completely baby friendly environment when we are home. He is able to explore to his hearts content. If I am doing something like loading the dishwasher, up on my back he goes where he is also usually content. I also try to get him out of the house as much as possible to play. So far, I have not experienced a temper tantrum from DS. Hope this helps

[poppyseed]

I found 9-12mths really difficult, as the little one was very determined and just wanted to get into things that I considered to be unsafe. What I found worked -really the only thing that kept me sane during this period was spending most of our time out of the house. At 12mths he just sort of fot over it and realised there were more interesting things to do.

[georgia]

I found this Mothering article to be really helpful

[DevaMajka]

What helped for us, in similar situations, was to tell ds that he can't climb on x, but he CAN climb on Y.
We had a Little Tykes type picnic table in our living room that ds climbed on, and I also put some couch cushions down in front of the couch so he could do some climbing on the couch. Of course, in your case, that might just lead to climbing on the desk. lol.
But the trick is to find some way to let him climb. That way you're not really stopping the climbing, you are just redirecting it to climbing that is safe/acceptable.

If he wants to hold your glass, would it work if you gave him his own cup? Maybe a sippy with water, or even just an empty cup to play with. See what works for him.

For dishes in the dishwasher, I finally decided that the solution was to just say that the temptation for ds to grab the dishes was too much, and that I was going to take away the temptation by shutting the dishwasher. I'd come back to it later when dp was playing with ds, or when ds was occupied by something.

As far as cooking, yeah, I never found a great solution for that. Except to not cook. lol. But sometimes it would help if I let ds "cook" with me. I'd give him bowls and spoons etc and let him play on the floor. If you are feeling really energetic, you could give him a very small amount of flour in a bowl.

[bscal]

This age can be a bit frustrating for mom. My oldest has been quite opinionated from about 6 mos old (goes with the red hair). Honestly, I had to put up a couple of baby gates and have a few areas that are totally baby proofed. I also had to find ways to get things done around the house while still keeping her safe. I'm on kid #3 now so we've pretty much streamlined how we do things. If I'm doing laundry I give him a small basket of socks or washcloths to play with while I'm folding laundry... I try to do any prep work for dinner when he's down for nap (chopping veggies, browning ground beef, putting a pot of water on the stove top for pasta, etc). I use the crock pot frequently because it's so much easier to have dinner already done.

Find a way for him to practice those skills (climbing) in a safe way. Grab some small cardboard boxes or throw pillows and make a mini jungle gym climber in your living room. If you have a large enough box you can open it at both ends and make a tunnel too. Like other posters said, move the desk or couch. I've rearranged furniture several times over the years because one of the kids was doing something unsafe.

Last point here... it's not the end of the world when your little one is having a difficult time to just sit on the floor and play... or go outside and roll around in the grass. You are not a bad person if once in a while you make frozen pizza or some other quick food for dinner. I have "slacker night" once a week when I make something like chicken nuggets and tater tots for dinner. I know, it's not the healthiest stuff in the world. But it frees up my time and gives me a little breathing room when we're having a crazy day.

HUGS to you. Take a deep breath. (Now if only I could keep my little man from turning off everything he can reach and trying to pull plugs out of the wall outlets... I think I need to rearrange the furniture again myself!)

Beth

[ilovebabies]

As I write this, my 11 month old is climbing on the kitchen chair to get up on the table top. He does this with great success. I've taken him off and put him on the floor (while he kicks and screams) over and over and OVER again. We can't move our kitchen table and we have too many chairs to try to put up on the table (so he can't get on the chairs first). They won't all fit.

I feel your pain!

Really, there's not a whole lot you can do unless you move the desk away from the sofa like the pp's suggested, or just continue to redirect him. At this age that's the best you can do. Redirect and distract. I oftentimes simply have to get up from what I'm doing at the table and take him to a different room and play with him for a few *hoping* he'll get busy with that and forget about the table. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't! It's really hard.

[CanidFL]

Thanks ladies!

Moving the couch is the obvious answer but there is no where to move it to There is possible 6” we could squeeze in between the two.

I really like the ideas of building him a little climbing obstacle. I could put the couch cushions around the coffee table and he could climb and jump all he wants. I know he really likes to climb on the ottoman but right now that is blocking the stairs. The stairs is another issue for us. He loves climbing.

Which leads me to another question…. Our stairs do not have a handrail up the one side. It’s just open to the downstairs then half way up there is a wall. It’s hard to explain. Anyway, does anyone have a suggestion for blocking the stairs when you can only screw a baby gate into one side?

Georgia – that article was really helpful and I can see a little of that in him. It’s very obvious when he is heading for a meltdown. He is just so sweet and you can tell he really is curious about things but sometimes they aren’t safe and he needs to vent that out.

If he wants to hold your glass, would it work if you gave him his own cup? Maybe a sippy with water, or even just an empty cup to play with. See what works for him.

That doesn’t work. He wants what I have. I could have a handful of crackers and give him one. He drops the one he has and starts grabbing for another. I pick up the one he dropped and give it back. He still wants what I have.

What I found worked -really the only thing that kept me sane during this period was spending most of our time out of the house

We do spend time outside but it is really hot here and I find it very difficult to stay out for too long in this heat. I try to get out to the mall just to walk around since it’s free He really loves getting out of the house.

As I write this, my 11 month old is climbing on the kitchen chair to get up on the table top. He does this with great success. I've taken him off and put him on the floor (while he kicks and screams) over and over and OVER again. We can't move our kitchen table and we have too many chairs to try to put up on the table (so he can't get on the chairs first). They won't all fit.

I feel your pain!

Yikes! That is challenging

[ricemom3]

I just have to add that I feel your pain. My ds#2 is 13 mos and loves to climb. We have a corkboard that we had to put in front of the stairs, with two chairs bracing it to keep him off the stairs. I also understand the "meltdowns" we have started those too. If I try to redirect him or physically move somewhere else, he collapses into a pile on the floor. Usually I turn this into a game. I let him (gently) go to the floor then tickle his belly and pick him up, sometimes rolling or flipping him as we go.
So far that works.

[minimoose]

Originally Posted by CanidFL

does anyone have a suggestion for blocking the stairs when you can only screw a baby gate into one side?

Can you use one of those superyards?