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Wow! This is hard!

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Having 4 kids, that is. I've forgotten how much attention a newborn needs! Thankfully, my other three kids are a bit older.
However, my husband does little to nothing to help me out. On weekends, he helps with meals, and that's about it. Our house just keeps getting messier and messier and that's really getting to me.
Last night I woke up to feed the baby at around 3am, and just couldn't go back to sleep. So I came out into the dining room and folded laundry that had been sitting there since Saturday. It would have been so easy for dh to fold it himself before that.
The girls have dressers in their rooms that dh is not fixing, although he promised he would. These are just a couple of examples. In a nutshell the house is just not being run very well right now, because nobody is willing to step in while I'm busy with the baby. She doesn't sleep much during the day. And my other kids are signed up for several classes during the day that I have to drive them to. For that I need to be dressed and showered. I homeschool, so I have my kids with me all the time. When I don't occupy their time, they're off making a mess somewhere in our home...
I'm tired and not really feeling well, like I'm coming down with something and I don't know what it is yet. My neck is almost always sore from holding the baby or contorting my body to nurse her at night.
I'm just really stressed out, I guess. Thanks for letting me vent. Baby crying, off to nurse again.....
post #2 of 21
hugs: I totally understand!! This is baby #3 and I have a home daycare, 6 kids 3 and under... don't even want to mention the state of my house! It WILL get easier.... eventually!! I wish your dh helped out more!
post #3 of 21
I totally hear ya mamma. Here's my fourth too. I don't have a husband, though. I have a boyfriend. Who's 50. And never had kids before. Boy, does he not know what's involved. He's actually really trying, though, even though he is not obligated to. But still. I can run cirlces around everyone else in the house, even two days postpartum. And I've got to get everything ready to go back to running a preschool for 40+ children three weeks from now. If only there wasn't something attached to my boob at all hours or these darn after pains....I could really roll, probably. But Im here in bed, wondering why my teenage son has to complain about sweeping the floor. Boys! Men!
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
I forgot to mention that its my oldest child's 11th birthday tomorrow! I really wanted him to have a party, but there is no way I can plan a party for him. Even if I could plan one, there is no way we can invite people to our home the way it looks right now. And we just don't have the funds right now to have a party elsewhere. It sucks for him. So far, he's being a trooper about it. I've explained to him that it's a tough time for me right now after having the baby, and he seems to understand.
He's really into Legos, and dh went to the Lego store last night to buy him a present there and also to get Lego cake molds. So, he'll have a Lego cake plus a Lego set, as well as a Lego set from his grandparents, and that will have to be enough. I hope I can make it up to him next year with a really cool party. I'll have a 1-year old then, and maybe I'm deluding myself in thinking life will be easier then..... I should know, being that this is my 4th child, but for me my children's early years are mostly a blur..... I wonder why!
I just really wish I had some help. I really need some help.
post #5 of 21
I SO understand! While this is 'only' my third, and not my fourth, I feel you! This morning, for instance, I had to get myself, my 6 yo (thankfully she can do most of her getting ready done herself - just not her hair and a few other small things...), my 2 yo and my 2 week old - all being 2 week PP after a c-section - out the door and off to DD's school to get her there on time! All DH did to help me out was change DS's diaper - and then only because his diaper was REALLY soggy and since I was changing the baby and he didn't want him to "pee out all over our bed so we have to wash the sheets"! : 'Kay, I could use a *BIT* more help than THAT! And I SWEAR! This little lady eats ALL the time! It seems that I feed her (and she is at the boob for, well FOREVER!) and then not even 20-30 minutes later she fusses and when I pick her up, she is rooting to nurse again! ARGH! Which is SO not easy when you have an active 2 yo, too! (My DS ate all the time, too, but my DD was 4 when he was born, so she was more understandnig that baby had eat! LOL)

And then, my DH has a prep course to take the LSATs (to get into law school) on Saturday and Sunday right now for 4 hours each day (And on Sunday is RIGHT during church, so if I wanna go, I have to get all 4 of us ready, out the door, etc. by myself...) and in a week and a half he starts back to school 4 nights a week! So, I am feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed, too, wondering HOW IN THE WORLD am I gonna make it with him working 40-45 hours a week, going to school 4 nights a week (until 9:30-10 depending on the night) and his class on the weekends!! Okay. Panicking a bit over here! Not to mention all the money issues after having the baby! (We don't have insureance and since I ended up with a c-section, the bills are higher than we ha planned for and keep rolling in!!!!) I just feel SO dang frazzled!

Okay. Sorry! I just TOTALLY highjacked this thread and I'm sorry. But I guess it DOES illustrate my point that, while I have one less child than you do, I TOTALLY feel you on the "This is hard"!! (And there is the baby again, so I guess I'm gonna be nursing again! LOL)
post #6 of 21
You know, the other day when I was doing the 3864081716th load of laundry I have done this week, I thought to myself "How do all those Mama's on MDC have like 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ...12!? kids?! I totally admire them." Seriously. I have one little baby. Yeah, she likes to nurse but really she is pretty easy. I SAH and I feel like I am super productive during the day just keeping up with the house, making sure we have food to eat and of course taking care of Caroline. There is very little free time left after those basic things.

So, my hat is off to you Mama's. I'm sorry it is hard for you right now. If I lived closer I would come help you out.

Kerri- Yikes! I didn't know that you didn't have insurance. Is it possible the state can offer you some type of assistance? I think the income guidelines are much more relaxed for pregnancy related things. I hope you can get some help because I've heard c/s are really expensive.
post #7 of 21
I'm sorry, mama. I can imagine it must be really hard--I only have 2 and I am totally overwhelmed!
post #8 of 21
's I am so sorry. I feel for you though! I only have 3 and it's hard!! I am having a good day if the kids get fed well! The other day I begged dh to come home in the afternoon early and he couldn't and I was so tired and sore (I found out I have a prolapsed bladder) that I ended up laying in bed and not getting up for an hour and a half while Owen slept. I woke up to find my almost 4yr. old eating BBQ potato chips and my almost 2yr. old eating lollipops!

This is also the first time I've had to actually get on MDC and reply to some theads that I have been meaning to reply too. I feel so bad because I have missed so much on here. But I am trying to keep up. But unfortunately it can't be a priority on my list right now.

's again mama! I hope it gets easier!
post #9 of 21
have you thought about a mothers helper? I bet there is someone who would love to come hang out and fold laundry in exchange for a cup of coffee and a chance to see the new babe!
post #10 of 21
I understand. Some days can be really rough. Two things that have helped me:

1) We have our 13 year old neighbour come over 3 mornings/week for 3 hours to play with and entertain my two older dc's. They play outside most of the time but on rainy days she brings them in and they do crafts (all the mesy things like painting, play-doh,etc.. that I don't dare take out right now). It gives me time to just sit and be with the babies or else get some housework done.

2) I try to get dh to take all 4 dc's for a walk after dinner. I can get more done in 30 minutes with no dc's around than I can get done in 3 hours during the day. I turn on some cool music and just race around getting the kitchen cleaned and sweeping the floors.

I've also been getting ds1 and dd1 to help out a lot more. Emptying the dishwasher, picking up things, putting laundry away, etc... It's not done the same way I would do it but really if the clothes are clean and shoved into a dresser drawer where I can't see it I'm happy .

Vent away
post #11 of 21
I'm with ya!

I, too, have "only" 3 and I'm still trying to get on top of things. If and when I do get around to cooking, it's usually really late. I seem to be able to get the laundry done, but then it never gets put on hangers and hung up. My kids laundry baskets have become rubbermaid totes full of clean, wrinkled clothes. My house is a total mess! (and has been practically since I got pregnant ) But I do have one well fed newborn!

Tomorrow we're also starting our first day of homeschool, ever. How am I going to balance that? Dunno...but we'll get there!

Love DH dearly and he's a great husband and father, but terrible with any domestic tasks! He also doesn't seem to notice the laundry needing to be folded or put away, that the floor needs sweeping, dishwasher needs loading or unloading...etc. I feel bad because he works a long day too and I appreciate that, but just 10 min of his time in the morning before work to unload the dishwasher could help my day hugely.

We were planning on a 4th, but I'm seriously reconsidering now. I just don't feel like I have enough help around here to do it. My hat goes off to all the mamas who have 4 or more and seem to do it all so well!

I'm calling a first ever family meeting here to discuss my concerns with DH and set up some age appropriate chores for our girls. Every little bit helps!

So the point of this novel, you are not alone!!!! Find at least one thing everyday that you accomplished and feel good about it! Even if it's only that you got out of your PJ's.
post #12 of 21
This is number 3 for us too and though I have a DH who really tires to be supportive and helpful, he isn't always... AND I have the shop to still run, so I'm right there with ya!!

As far as your sons birthday goes, have you thought about having a party for him in a month or two? My oldests birthday is in dec and we didn't have her "friend" party untill feb this year and my middle dd's birthday is in may and we just did her party this weekend. It worked for us.

Good luck!!
post #13 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snugglebugsmom View Post
Our house just keeps getting messier and messier and that's really getting to me.
Yeah that!
Four is tough. Three seemed so easy. Sigh. But it'll get better soon.

Oh, and we were swamped with birthday stuff this past week too. My 3rd turned 2 on the 1st and my husband's bday was on the 9th. We have a couple more relative's bday coming up before the month is up. It's crazy.
post #14 of 21
Do your kids do chores at all?? IMO they are old enough to help out rather than just cause destruction. Your five year old might not be able to do much..but they could do some little things, my dd loved to vacuum at that age.

We just tell her we are a family and we have to work together, "teamwork blah blah blah mommy is not your personal servant"
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post

We just tell her we are a family and we have to work together, "teamwork blah blah blah mommy is not your personal servant"
OMG LOL
post #16 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
We just tell her we are a family and we have to work together, "teamwork blah blah blah mommy is not your personal servant"
Sounds familiar. Around here it's "Mommy is not your maid"
post #17 of 21
I feel your pain this is baby # 4 for me too. My other 3 are aged 6, 4 and 2 and our baby boy has reflux (LOTS AND LOTS of throw-up ALL the time )it's just insane at our house most days and DH works out of town and left when baby was only a week old. My 4 o'clock I am so completely exhausted and the house looks like a tornado blew through. I just keep telling myself this shall pass and life will get a little less chaotic
post #18 of 21
my son is 6 weeks old and its still a little crazy here with my 2 other sons (3 1/2 &2) they both want all of my attention, but its getting better , time is just flying by since im just so busy now
post #19 of 21
I totally get where you're coming from. Newborns take ALOT of energy/time from the mama. My next youngest is only 18 months. I am dieing here! My dh took the four boys camping this weekend. The house is alot quieter and there's less meals to cook/laundry to do but I still am not getting anything done. Babies are tough. I am currently living in a haze. No *real* sleep at all. Lots of coffee. Trying to lower my expectations (which tend to be REALLY high). My olders are quite helpful and have their own "domains" to clean up twice daily. That helps alot. We homeschool and will begine that again the day after Labor Day. I'm really not sure how that will go but I'll get through.
post #20 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ekblad9 View Post
I totally get where you're coming from. Newborns take ALOT of energy/time from the mama. My next youngest is only 18 months. I am dieing here! My dh took the four boys camping this weekend. The house is alot quieter and there's less meals to cook/laundry to do but I still am not getting anything done. Babies are tough. I am currently living in a haze. No *real* sleep at all. Lots of coffee. Trying to lower my expectations (which tend to be REALLY high). My olders are quite helpful and have their own "domains" to clean up twice daily. That helps alot. We homeschool and will begine that again the day after Labor Day. I'm really not sure how that will go but I'll get through.
We homeschool as well. I've been back to homeschooling for a while now, but we mostly stick to the basics, like reading, Math, and writing. I ask my kids to do the work they can do independently when baby is awake and I'm caring for her. When she's asleep, I expect all of my children to drop what they're doing so we can get a few quick lessons in that require my attention.
My house is a complete mess, still, and I've begun to really teach my children that it is very necessary to pick up their toys after they're done playing with them. Last night I snagged my 5-year old before she had a chance to trot off to bed and made her pick up the wooden toys I had just cleaned and put into their own basket. She did. The place is still a pigsty, but at least all the wooden toys have been put away again. That's something, and we can take it from there.
Each time I've been able to put Zoe down to sleep in her bed (we share sleep) she's stayed asleep for only 5 minutes before waking up again. I'm sooo tired.
My 8-year old just got the baby back out of the bedroom, and I will have to take her and attend to her. Again. Sigh.

Ina
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