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What if your husband insists?

post #1 of 85
Thread Starter 
My first son was a preemie. DH wanted him circed to look like him. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He was bleeding everywhere, screaming till he was hoarse, didn't heal right, etc. I hauled him home with his oxygen tanks and monitors dragging behind us and cried for days. I HATED what I'd let happen to my fragile son.

We had our second son three months ago, full term. I told DH I didn't want the procedure done. But he insisted. So I cried the whole time while it was done. It went better than DS1, but it was still awful. I find myself praying we don't have anymore boys. Have any of your husbands insisted? What did you do?
post #2 of 85
My husband insisted, and so we did it. I would never do it again. I would say no. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I am like you - I hope I don't have any more boys because I don't want to have that fight with DH.
post #3 of 85
Dh insisted but I put my mama bear foot down and said not to my son. There are many mom's in the regrets thread who ended up circing like you did because of their dh but there are many more who's dh's insisted and they said no and their ds's are intact.

I am so sorry that your 2 ds's paid the price for your dh's stubborness.
post #4 of 85
My husband feels the same as I do. If he was insisting that we have a son circ'd I would simply say no. It isn't going to happen. This is one thing that I would not even consider thinking about. He knows how strongly I feel about it so even if he were wanting it done he wouldn't dare bring it up. I am so thankful we have the same views on it. I never had to tell him no.
post #5 of 85
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
post #6 of 85
Luckily, my son's dad feels the same as I do.

My sister's boyfriend... not so much. They fought her entire pregnancy over it, (and even more so after they found out it was a boy via u/s). Then he begged her to do it the whole 3 days they were in the hospital - he bribed her, he offered her money, he told her that she could pick the name, he told her that he would "let" her breastfeed/cloth diaper/etc, and even threatened to leave her. He literally threw a fit in the middle of the hospital and my sister had to have him removed by security.

Yes, it was hard on my sister to go through all of that. But it would have been a lot harder to live the rest of her life if she let them do that to her son.

So the answer to your question? Just don't do it. Its not like anyone's DH is going to grab the baby and start cutting the baby himself.
post #7 of 85
I would insist right back..
post #8 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
Exactly. When my sister's BF threatened to leave her if she didn't have her baby circ'd, she literally laughed in his face and said "do you really think that I would choose you over my own child?!"


ETA: Oh, and I should say - My sister's baby is now a year old, and her BF has pretty much got over the fact that he has a foreskin. I'm sure he'd still *prefer* that he were circ'd, but he doesn't make a big deal out of it anymore.
post #9 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
ITA..
post #10 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dolcedaze View Post
I would insist right back..

: Frankly, it would NOT have happened and if my dh even thought to take them behind my back and have it done he would be very sorry. I can only imagine the rage I would unleash on him and then I would divorce him.
post #11 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
:
post #12 of 85
I'd protect my son over my husband's fragile ego, no contest.
post #13 of 85
As I read in another thread -- an adult male penis looks nothing like an infant penis, intact or not. By the time DS is old enough for their penises to be comperable, neither of them will care!
post #14 of 85
My then-husband "insisted" when I was pg with our 2nd and 3rd children (we didn't find out the sex). I made up my mind that, if they were boys, any doctor they saw would know where I stood and be threatened with a lawsuit for circumcising without my consent, and I simply wouldn't leave them alone with exH long enough for anything to happen behind my back. I was planning to go to court over it if necessary.
But they were both girls, and my 2nd husband is intact himself. :
post #15 of 85
What's the deal with "He should look like me!"? When the heck does that even come up? I don't remember a single incident of family nakedness during which genitals were compared.
post #16 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
Absolutely and totally agree. I'm so sorry that he has forced you into a corner like this
Do what you need to do emotionally for yourself, but don't allow this to happen again, and teach your boys the truth gently.
post #17 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama View Post
I'm so sorry that he has forced you into a corner like this
Do what you need to do emotionally for yourself, but don't allow this to happen again, and teach your boys the truth gently.
:
post #18 of 85
I told him there was no effing way it was happening.
post #19 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi. View Post
I'd protect my son over my husband's fragile ego, no contest.
: I would have told DH no. End of story. Thankfully my husband is a very logical person and was fine with not circ'ing, because no way in heck would I have given in on that subject.

I'm so sorry your DH is being stubborn and irrational. I hope you can find a way to convince him next time, but if not - well, just be strong and say NO.
post #20 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinsJuneBug View Post
To some this may sound a little harsh - but i would leave him. I could never in a million years allow my baby to be mutilated because my husband wanted it that way. Theres no way our marraige could last, and frankly it would be a hill i would die on. I love you hubby - but our kids come first.
Leave him. That's precisely what I would do. I don't think I'd end up leaving him because he would realize how REALLY serious I was about it.

But DH knew how I felt about circ before we were even married. I told him we couldn't get married if we didn't see eye to eye about it. He never had a firm opinion either way, so it wasn't a problem for him.
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