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What if your husband insists? - Page 5

post #81 of 85
You are right-if it came down to divorcing over circ, then there are greater issues. Namely, lack of willingness to compromise or to listen to one another. Yeah, I'm against circ-but anyone can listen to the simple arguement that you cant undo it once its done. You cant. Regardless of anything else there is the simple right to a whole body and I wouldnt take that away from ANY of my children-female or male.

Leaving him alone leaves the option to get circ'd later if he chooses to. Circing him as an infant does not leave the option to magically get his foreskin back as an adult. And then there are risks and then pain involved....I just couldnt do it.

I love my dh with all my heart and I know that he, even if he were pro circ, would listen to my side and would see how much I dont want this done, how much it would hurt me, and would let it go. Yes, there are more problems in a relationship when a man-or woman-is so deadset on something their partner is so horribly against and knows it will greatly pain them and then still insists on it being done. If you dont care about causng that kind of pain not only to your infant but to your wife or hubby, there is a problem. And as someone else said, even if I were to let go and let it be done, there would be no way I could look at my dh again without feeling repulsed. I am that against this practice and that against anything that hurts my children-I mean, I hated even having the PKU done!!!
post #82 of 85
my dh was insistent at first, but i strategically put out circ books throughout the house where he would stumble upon them and when he said he was concerned about the whole "looking like each other thing" I reminded him that he won't even be naked in front of our 2 year old daughter. I also asked him if he knew what his dad's penis looked like and if there was some "super-secret father/son sword-play game" that I was unaware of that the two of them would be participating in.... thankfully, he is "okay" with our son being left intact, but I have already made up my mind that our son will be left intact when he is born, regardless of dh's opinion....
post #83 of 85
Originally Posted by urchin_grey View Post
Luckily, my son's dad feels the same as I do.

My sister's boyfriend... not so much. They fought her entire pregnancy over it, (and even more so after they found out it was a boy via u/s). Then he begged her to do it the whole 3 days they were in the hospital - he bribed her, he offered her money, he told her that she could pick the name, he told her that he would "let" her breastfeed/cloth diaper/etc, and even threatened to leave her. He literally threw a fit in the middle of the hospital and my sister had to have him removed by security.

Yes, it was hard on my sister to go through all of that. But it would have been a lot harder to live the rest of her life if she let them do that to her son.

But, good for your sister. Wow.
post #84 of 85
Only had time to read the first and last page.

But what if mom insists too? Why does he get more of a say than you?

We never knew gender beforehand with each of our three kids. We originally (when pregnant the first time) assumed we'd circ if it was a boy, but then I THANKFULLY attended a pregnancy and birth discussion that had a NOCIRC booth. I bought a book for $5 or $10 that changed my entire view, and really opened my eyes. Dp wasn't convinced, and we fought about it quite a bit. He was convinced we must, and I was just as convinced that we couldn't.

Three girls we have. How ironic. But between dd1 and dd2, our best friends (who happened to have been married to each other) had their first son. In a hospital. We went to visit them. Their ds is getting circed and my dp and baby's dad are outside the circ room door waiting for baby. A nurse walked in or out and my dp got an eyeful. He came back to my friend's room white as a sheet and we left. I thought he was having a heart attack or something. He explained what he'd seen and said we were NEVER going to do that if we had sons. So he went from 100% for it to 100% against it.

I like the argument that it can always be done later if DS chooses, but it can't be undone. It is HIS body.

OP, I am sorry your partner forced you - twice - into something you knew was wrong. That will be hard to forgive and forget. I'd call it a high price for learning that you have to stand up for your sons, even when it is very, very hard to do.
post #85 of 85
I would write on my child's tummy with a permanent marker "DO NOT CIRC" and refresh it every day if needed. And if my husband somehow managed to get it done anyway, I would consider it cause for divorce and burning of all of his worldly goods.

Fortunately for me, I do not have this problem, as my beloved husband was blessed to be left intact and thinks that circumcision is sadistic.
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