Breastfeeding "etiquette" ?!!?

[filiadeluna]

Why is it that when you type in "breastfeeding" in the Youtube search engine, nearly 1/3rd - 1/2 of the videos that pop up have "etiquette" in the title? It irks me. I can understand some people wanting to be discreet at first, because I'm sure it feels strange the first few times you breastfeed in public (since we've been taught by our society that breasts are sex objects). However, it seems like a lot of these methods of being discreet aren't for the mother's sake, but for the sake of not wanting to embarrass/freak out other people.

[Septagram]

Well, unfortunately much of society sees breastfeeding as freaky and gross. That's why we're all working to change that. How about you post some videos to Youtube to counter all of the etiquette ones?

[filiadeluna]

Well, there are some good ones posted already, but then the idiots come out and post in disgust. Ugh. Anyway, just wanted to vent.

[Septagram]

I can totally understand. It's quite frustrating. I often forget that what I do every day of my life is "gross" or "weird" to the rest of the country. Aah, well. At least we have each other, right?

[filiadeluna]

Yep! I seriously *never* see anyone breastfeeding where I live. It's really sad, and there are laws to protect it here, though only up until the baby is 12 months. I guess I'll just have to be a pioneer in my town.

[mamabadger]

I suppose there is etiquette for everything, and I would not mind hearing about breastfeeding etiquette if it also discussed appropriate manners by other people, toward the nursing mother.

[filiadeluna]

Originally Posted by mamabadger

I suppose there is etiquette for everything, and I would not mind hearing about breastfeeding etiquette if it also discussed appropriate manners by other people, toward the nursing mother.

That was very well said. It's not like bfing women are waving their boobs around, wearing tassels, or squirting people in the face. I mean, certainly Emily Post wouldn't agree with that, nor would she agree with strangers yelling at strangers about how/where to feed their child.

[Septagram]

Originally Posted by filiadeluna

That was very well said. It's not like bfing women are waving their boobs around, wearing tassels, or squirting people in the face. I mean, certainly Emily Post wouldn't agree with that, nor would she agree with strangers yelling at strangers about how/where to feed their child.

I concur! It was very well said..

You mention the squirting thing. My DS1 is afraid to nurse if I'm holding my boob because I squirted him once a few weeks ago. It's really funny. He sneaks up to it, makes sure it's not going to squirt, then carefully latches on.

[stockingup99]

Originally Posted by Septagram

I concur! It was very well said..

You mention the squirting thing. My DS1 is afraid to nurse if I'm holding my boob because I squirted him once a few weeks ago. It's really funny. He sneaks up to it, makes sure it's not going to squirt, then carefully latches on.

:

[zoebird]

i think that my biggest peeve about it is the assumption that most women are not naturally "discreet" about this.

that is, there is a general assumption--even put forth by LLL--that women need to be told and taught how to "be discreet" when doing this, even though i think it's perfectly natural/normal to "be discreet" while BFing.

part of the reason, i think, that we don't "see" a lot of BFing is because people ARE being so discreet that it looks like they're just holding a baby while it sleeps. seriously, there are times where i don't even realize the person to whom i am speaking *is* breastfeeding that's how freakin' discreet people naturally are.

the reason that i'm bothered by this is because i'm already being "harassed" by certain parties and admonished to "now be discreet about it!"

well, i'm naturally a rather modest person, and as far as i can tell BFing is pretty discreet anyway (at least in our culture), and so why do i need to be taught/reminded/admonished to be discreet?

why is there this underlying assumption that breastfeeding is per se "indiscreet" such that those of us who are choosing it need to be reminded to 'be discreet?'

seriously, i think it's really annoying!

[honeybunch2k8]

Originally Posted by mamabadger

I suppose there is etiquette for everything, and I would not mind hearing about breastfeeding etiquette if it also discussed appropriate manners by other people, toward the nursing mother.

Exactly! Can the etiquette apply to real life as well as the cyber world??? There have been times on youtube when I had to sternly "teach" some perverted men that it was not okay to look at breastfeeding videos to get their rocks off. I mean dang what kind of society are we living in when men or anybody does that??? Usually I don't get into stuff, but I was just disgusted.


ETA: The whole discreetness thing itself bothers me. I see boobs hanging out all the time, but I guess it's ok as long as the woman isn't breastfeeding. Most bfing mums dont show a lot of skin anyway. :

[filiadeluna]

^ No kidding. People certainly aren't discreet about letting their boobs or butt cracks/underwear hang out in every day situations (and obviously that last part includes men), but feeding a baby in public without a bottle? OMG, scandal!

RE: a lot of women just being discreet anyway.... I'm sure there are women around here who breast feed, but most of the time when I see people with babies, their babies are in their car seat on top of the shopping cart the whole time. I think I've only seen babies in carriers like 2-3x around here, and I rarely see babies being held either. I don't know if I just see them at the wrong time, but it would appear that a lot of people around here are really mainstream and non-AP.

[dirtgirl]

Emily Post

The following is an interview with Cindy Post Senning for an article that my sister wrote in the Vermont Bar Journal:

Breastfeeding Etiquette with Cindy Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute
1. Is it o.k. to talk to a woman while she is breastfeeding her baby?
When feeding a baby—whether by breastfeeding or by bottle—it’s ideal for a mother to be engaged with her baby. If you think about it, it’s customary when we’re eating to focus on the people we’re eating with. That said, yes, it’s perfectly o.k. to talk to a woman who is breastfeeding. If you feel uncertain, depending on the setting and circumstances, you might say, “Is this an ok time to talk?” or perhaps “Do you need a few for minutes with the baby?” Give the mother the choice to opt out.
2. Should I avert my eyes from the baby to avoid looking at the mother’s breast? The basics of good conversation include eye contact. Your conversation is with the mom, not with the baby. So, your eye focus should be on her. But remember to act as you naturally would. If the baby spit up, you’d look. Don’t avert your eyes unnaturally.

Sorry, I had to edit b/c of MDC's copyright policy. If you follow this link to the full article, the "Etiquette" sidebar is on the last page. http://www.vtbar.org/Images/Journal/...astfeeding.pdf

[SheBear]

Wow, that's really good, IMO....I agree with all of it, except for #4...I think that wording implies that the host(ess) wants the breastfeeding mother to excuse herself....I think a better wording would be, "Would you like a quiet place to feed the baby, or are you comfortable here?" Followed immediately by an offer of something to drink!

[Equuskia]

Another breastfeeding blunder relates to unnecessary overexposure. It would
be unwise to ignore that in our society breasts have become sexual objects. For
that reason, unnecessary overexposure could make others uncomfortable. You
certainly don’t want your baby to feel confronted. Babies sense discord. To avoid
this, I recommend making an effort to be modest.

I have big breasts. I am not modest. The bigger the breasts, the harder it usually is to be modest (which is in the eye of the beholder anyways). Breasts will be seen while I'm breastfeeding. If that bothers people because they have hangups about it, then I can't do anything about that. I mean, I don't like seeing that big hairy guy on the beach with man-boobs and no shirt on, but that's my hangup, not his. I'm certainly not going to write an etiquette article on it.

[guest9921]

Modesty thing doesn't really speak to me either.

I was at a picnic the other day, and a woman was wearing a tank top style dress, and just pulled it down with her full breast exposed and nursed her child. Never batted an eye.
She was completely my hero for the day. I wanted to give her a high five.

[Teenytoona]

Originally Posted by Equuskia

I have big breasts. I am not modest. The bigger the breasts, the harder it usually is to be modest (which is in the eye of the beholder anyways). Breasts will be seen while I'm breastfeeding. If that bothers people because they have hangups about it, then I can't do anything about that.

: from one big busted momma to another.

[frontierpsych]

Am I the only person who just generally hates the word "discreet"? It makes me think of "excrete", which is not a pleasant thing to be thinking of!

I didn't care for number 4 either. I might offer if the mother was noticeably uncomfortable with NIP, but generally, if she wanted privacy, I'd expect her to ask, I guess since I see nursing often enough that my mind doesn't really register it as something a woman might expect privacy for.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

I don't like # 3 either. If someone said that to me, I'd let them know that they were making me feel like an isolated freak, and they needed to just go away completely and not bother coming back if they couldn't handle it.

Phrased to an appropriate degree of gentleness for the specific party in question.

[filiadeluna]

Wow, I mentioned the name Post (in jest), and there it is! LOL. Some of those are definitely iffy, but she makes some good points too.

Katfka - that is freaking awesome that she just popped it out. I can't imagine that happening around here, but I think I'd feel similarly to you after I got over the initial surprise that someone is willing to do that around here.