Originally Posted by astraphell
"I had a (friend/sister/cousin/co-worker/yoga instructor) who was trying for (insane number) of months/years to get pregnant and she finally (gave up/took a break/prayed to God/decided to adopt/went on vacation) and the next thing she knew, she was pregnant! You just need to stop trying so hard and it will happen, I swear!"
This one drives me up the wall. I told a friend that I hadn't talked to in a long time about our difficulty and DIAGNOSED infertility issue and her response was similar to the above. Then she said how we should stop trying for 2 years and how it would totally happen. I took a deep breath and nicely explained that, yes, it is possible that if we just had sex all the time for next 2 years that it could happen even with our issue, BUT it was more than likely that it would not happen and I didn't really want to wait 2 years to find out and then be 2 years older heading into infertility treatments, especially since we hoped to have more than one child.
Flash forward maybe 2-3 months and much to my surprise the IUI w/ clomid and an hCG trigger actually worked and she calls to congratulate me and the first words out of her mouth after "Congratulations" is "So did you guys give up and then it happened?" She was so convinced that her theory of how reproduction works was right, that that was the first thing she asked-- never mind my telling her in our prior discussion that we were planning to start fertility treatment once we had moved. She is overall a really terrific person, but her saying that to me AFTER I had explained what our fertility issues were made me feel like she didn't hear me at all and didn't understand how much having children meant to me-- if I was going to "give up" it would have been a heart-wrenching choice and it would have taken more than 2-3 months to make. But then, she is someone who hasn't really decided if she wants kids, isn't worried about her age because she figures she'll adopt if she can't have her own (which is awesome that that's how she feels), but I would have had to go through a mourning process before being ready to move to adoption. We're just in really different places when it comes to having kids.
For a lot of people, I think they hear those anecdotes about women who try everything and then get pregnant after they have decided to stop trying and they cling to them because then they don't have to contemplate the agonizing choices and cycles of hope and despair that people really dealing with infertility have to face. It's frustrating on our end because having these stories spouted at us invalidates what we are going through and makes it appear like we are CHOOSING to put ourselves through it. Clearly, if we could just let go of this thing that is monumentally important to us (having a baby), then we would be happier! Nevermind all of the grieving it would take to get there.
Oh... how did that soapbox find it's way under my feet!
: I'll just step down now.