Things not to say to your infertile (or struggling to conceive) friends - Page 3

[ashesofyou]

My personal least favorite is:
"You have plenty of time!"

Also worded as:

"You're only __insert current age here__!"

These are the worst for me. Bad, bad, bad. Most of the others I can let slide off my back, or at the least, not let them fester quite so horribly.

[purplegirl]

I was told that God didn't allow me to have children because I am so good with other people's children. wth: Gee thanks!

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by ashesofyou

My personal least favorite is:
"You have plenty of time!"

Also worded as:

"You're only __insert current age here__!"

These are the worst for me. Bad, bad, bad. Most of the others I can let slide off my back, or at the least, not let them fester quite so horribly.

I was told that so many times and now here I am in my 40's and childless. Whatever!!

[ashesofyou]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

I was told that so many times and now here I am in my 40's and childless. Whatever!!

And I would not be surprised if you told me that you *still* hear the sentiment from time to time.

I firmly believe that if I had to/chose to TTC #1 into my FIFTIES that there would be some inconsiderate butt hole somewhere to tell me I had plenty of time, and give me an example of someone older than me who was choosing to begin motherhood.

[barose]

And even if you do "have time", not everyone want to spend their entire reproductive life trying to conceive. I'm just almost 30 but times UP.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by barose

And even if you do "have time", not everyone want to spend their entire reproductive life trying to conceive. I'm just almost 30 but times UP.

Exactly! The heck if I would ever choose to be this age and ttc'ing. It takes its toll on one physically and emotionally. I would love for it to happen but still..... Argh, I can't tell you how many times people told me I had plenty of time and now what!

[frog]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

I was told that God didn't allow me to have children because I am so good with other people's children. wth: Gee thanks!

Oh, dear.

[Photochef]

Not there now, but totally BTDT with the unable to concieve thing.

In our 8 years of TTC hell before we got lucky, my most hated statement was "It's just not meant to be"

I particularly hated hearing it from my holier than thou, ultra rightwing, hyper-religious and hypocritical in-laws who I know were secretly very glad that the lesbian sinners didn't have a poor helpless innocent child to drag into our world of depravity.

Well now we have two, so ha! (and I know it eats at them everyday. They are always inviting our daughter, 15mos. to church - without us)
We like being depraved! It's more fun that way.

[barose]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Exactly! The heck if I would ever choose to be this age and ttc'ing. It takes its toll on one physically and emotionally. I would love for it to happen but still..... Argh, I can't tell you how many times people told me I had plenty of time and now what!

The thing is, they just dont know if they havent experienced it. Its a feeling that mere words can do no justice.

[frog]

Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear

We like being depraved! It's more fun that way.

No question!

[ksc0917]

Oh my gosh!! I've heard sooooo many! But a few of my favorites are...

*What's your big hurry? You're only 31!
*You can have MY kid(s)
*Take my kid(s) for a day and I bet you'll give up (Yeah, beacuse they are total BRATS! Ever heard of discipline?)
*Stop trying & it will just happen (this from the woman that KNOWS most of my plumbing is gone & there is no possible way it could "just happen")
*Maybe this is karma, have you tried volunteering at the childrens hospital? (huh? so volunteering at the children's hospital will not only take care of my so called "bad karma" but will also enable me to get pregnant? WOW! I'll get right on that!)
*Are you sure your marriage is stable enough to be going through all this? I mean, what if you DO get pregnant? (from the woman who just caught HER husband cheating)

and my "favorite"...from DH's long time friend & his wife...

*"you know...he hasn't had any kids thus far (he's 8 years older than me) and I never really thought he wanted any...so maybe you should just give up. Hey! Go get another dog." (SERIOUSLY?!?!? You did NOT just say that to me!)

Sheesh! Some people!!!

[frog]

ksc, I'm giving you a , having read your sig line.

[ksc0917]

Originally Posted by frog

ksc, I'm giving you a , having read your sig line.

Frog, You're so sweet Thank you!

[Scribe]

Irritating and related: the people who assume that because I do not have children and I do have a long-term partner, I cannot have children. I have no idea whether or not my partner and I are able to conceive--we've never tried--but what as stupid assumption.

[songbird45]

Someone (who didn't even know about our difficulties!) said, "hey, now that you've got a house, when are you going to have the kids?" I was all... "oh, you know, these things take time." And he said, "Hey, you should get a dog. I'm tellin' ya, get a dog, and the kids will come." : He also said that I should hurry up or my sister will beat me to it.

Words fail.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by barose

The thing is, they just dont know if they havent experienced it. Its a feeling that mere words can do no justice.

You're so right about that.

[frog]

Originally Posted by songbird45

Words fail.

They really, really do.

[Phantaja]

From the OBSTETRICIAN at the EMERGENCY ROOM after telling me that my (darling and loved and desperately wanted) baby, Kennedy, was ectopic:

"You can always have one of those 'test tube' babies."

Terrible timing on that one. And "test tube babies"???? Who the hell still says that? And it's not even a test tube! It's a petri dish!

From other people:

"You don't want kids. Trust me"

"You only want to (buy a dog/babysit/learn to knit/get a new car) because you want a baby so bad."

"What do you mean you don't use birth control????"

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by ashesofyou

My personal least favorite is:
"You have plenty of time!"

Also worded as:

"You're only __insert current age here__!"

I'm 29. I've heard this one a lot also!

My acupuncturist told me "you've just started" this was after 5 failed IUI's. I totally called her on it because she deals with a lot of infertility patients and I didn't want her to say it to anyone else. I told her that although she didn't mean it this way she negated everything I've been through and all the failed attempts I've had u until now with just that one statement.

Originally Posted by purplegirl

I was told that God didn't allow me to have children because I am so good with other people's children. wth: Gee thanks!

Originally Posted by barose

And even if you do "have time", not everyone want to spend their entire reproductive life trying to conceive. I'm just almost 30 but times UP.

Right there with you, barose.

[ashesofyou]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

I'm 29. I've heard this one a lot also!

My acupuncturist told me "you've just started" this was after 5 failed IUI's. I totally called her on it because she deals with a lot of infertility patients and I didn't want her to say it to anyone else. I told her that although she didn't mean it this way she negated everything I've been through and all the failed attempts I've had u until now with just that one statement.

The last time I heard it was at my physical with my gyno last week. That whole appointment was an appointment from hell. It took me a half an hour in the parking garage next to the office to collect myself well enough to drive home.

Professionals really, really, should know better.