8 Year old outside alone? - Page 3

[lunar forest]

Solange- do you have an 8yo or is this all theoretical? I think it's pretty hard to imagine this kind of freedom when you're far from having a child that age.

[chfriend]

Yes, an 8 year old that wants to be outside by themselves is fine and dandy as long as the neighborhood is safe.

[hottmama]

My 5.5 and 2.5 yr. olds play outside with me in the house. The little one has to stay within sight of the house, the big one can go anywhere except the street or parking lot. I go find him when dinner is ready.

[MommaFox]

I wish my son could go out by himself! We don't have a yard, just the apartment building parking lot. I almost wish we'd have gotten an apartment across the street, as there's a lawn between the buildings and the businesses behind. We have a creek out behind out building. He's 6, 7 in a little over a week, and pretty smart about strangers. He goes out on the back balcony and such, but I wish he could have a yard to play in. When I was 8, I was at the school playground and by 10 I was riding my bike to the city park and such.

[AngelBee]

I would NOT let my 8 year old outside in our front yard (unfenced) alone. (MAYBE in the back fenced area)

I would not let him wonder anywhere.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Solange

Is it just me or is this not comfortable for other parents to let their child be outside alone playing outside the home in the yard, but the parent responsible for the child is downstairs engrossed in the TV set.....the other parent is playing down the street-but far from the home and cannot see this child- at the playground with the other child of the family....the parent watching TV knows that the other parent is gone.
thoughts??????

I let my 6yo play in the yard unsupervised. He understands basic safety rules (don't leave the yard without express parental permission, never go into the street) and he's perfectly fine out there. He's even allowed to cross the street and visit the neighbor girl, if he asks permission first (basically so I know where he is.)

I won't let him leave the yard by himself (exception: going right next door into their yard when there was a child his age who lived there.) I have, however, let him go to the playground with his older sisters.

This works for my child and my neighborhood. In other areas, this might not be safe, and other children might not be ready for this even in a safe area.

[mamajama]

My 6 and 8 yr olds play in our complex by themselves while I kind of listen for cries or whatever. They're in and out all day long. They also go to the park and the corner store for popsicles with the other kids. It was difficult when they were younger and I had to be out there with them! They didn't get outside nearly as much as they do now.

[almama]

Solange, I'm with the majority that as long as the area is relatively safe and the child is able to handle safety rules then it is fine. But I am curious about your specific situation and why this raised such a red flag for you. Are you just wondering in general, or is there a kid in your neighborhood that you are concerned about? Maybe if we know a bit more about the situation, we can help figure out why you are worried.

[BMG580]

In our small neighborhood most of the children run around in a pack. It is very low traffic, small yards that adjoin each other and all parents know and respect the rules of the other parents. Most of the kids run around "unsupervised" meaning there is no adult there every single second. The kids range in age from 4-9. Now, they aren't wandering far, mostly just stay in the cul-de-sac and in three backyards. When kids show up in my yard to play with my daughter I ask them if they've told their parents where they are and if they haven't they have to call them and tell them. Other than that, they have a lot of freedom which I think is a great thing.

My daughter is a newly turned 3 and is not allowed to run around with the other children yet, obviously. At 8 I would have zero problem with it. I would maybe even consider it when she is 6ish.

[savithny]

Originally Posted by ebethmom

My 7 and 4 year old dc play outside by themselves. We live at the end of a dead end road in a very small town. They know their boundaries, and stay in them for the most part.

Well, mine are now 8 and 5, but they did it since they were 6 and 3 (3yo not alone).

[Passport Kids]

As a child, I was allowed to do things I would never dream of letting my own children do at that age. Like walking to school alone at 5, and babysitting a toddler sibling at 10. I was mature, but I think my mother was too naive, or maybe now days there is so much media about the dangerous people out there. I am extremely cautious and protective, doesn't matter if we are at home here in a tiny town in a third world country, or visiting family & friends back in the US. Maybe it's because my son is so spirited, I have to know what he is up to every second! We do have huge country type yard, so they both spend a lot of time on "missions" and exploring, but I can always see them. I don't think that I would let an 8 year old play outside alone if we were still living in the US.

[ernalala]

By 8?
If you're neighbourhood is fine, and depending on your child's personality there is no reason to keep him from playing outside alone and exploring the neighbourhood. That's been my biggest freedom and pleasure in childhood, most fond memories come from outdoor free play with neighbourhood friends of all ages, and imaginative play, not from indoor toy play. If your child respects your terms regarding outdoor play (how long, when home, where he can go, where not, which friend's houses he's allowed to play at etc.).
I let my 4,5yo out in the street knowing he will play there with neighbours' children, or will be biking by himself. Sometimes there's neighbours around but I do not expect them to watch my children they may sometimes have an eye on them but they don't really have that responsibility. Once in a while I check what he's doing or on his whereabouts. He may not leave the street and he keeps to that limit. When he wants to play at a friend's house I want him to come and ask me first. I ask him not to do any reckless things (give examples) and to be careful when a car passes and to go aside if that happens. Mostly I keep the front door slightly open or otherwise I do lock it but then he's able to knock or ring to come in. I often know what he's doing outside because he comes in once in a while to bring or grab some toys and then we have short conversations :-). He cannot go to the playgrounds since it involves leaving our street, that can only be done supervised. He mostly enjoys his 'free' outdoor play when his little brother's asleep, because the LO is a runner and that makes me to lock the gate to the street.
For an 8yo I would set looser limits and allow longer outdoor play. In my opinion, t's a must.
Other 8yo in my neighbourhood go and buy bread at the market closeby, go to the neighbourhood's youth entertainment center for some group play, go to the playgrounds on their own. Never play outside of the street when it starts getting dark. I think that's pretty normal.

[SAHDS]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I would NOT let my 8 year old outside in our front yard (unfenced) alone. (MAYBE in the back fenced area)

I would not let him wonder anywhere.

Thank you! I thought I'd be the lone voice of dissent. I am surprised at how many people mentioned the maturity of the child. It's not the child, but the stranger that I'm worried about.

Mine are 9 and almost 8 and they are not allowed anywhere by themselves but the fenced back yard. Even then, I have the windows and slider open. Also, we live in an insanely safe town, we know most of our neighbors and my DD is very mature (not DS so much...).

With DH being a cop and all of the stories I have read and/or seen, I would not risk it for anything. No way.

[ernalala]

Where we live, I definitely will never keep on 'locking' our children in our tiny yard until they're 18 and 'ready' for the big wide world. I let them the freedom to explore to some extent and do not want to be the ever panicky parent about all the bad things that may happen or all the bad people they may meet. I don't want to imprison my kids in such a tiny little suffocating world. I lived all the panic after the Dutroux affair in the '90s in Belgium. People started to freak out and keep their children indoors/at home. That scared me much more. I decided that when I would have children would not want to deny them the freedom I lived as a child. And I already feel they have less freedom than I ever had (of course they're still very small). But I won't deny it completely from them. MO.

[kewb]

I think OP you need to read the Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift.

Don't get me wrong your concerns & fears are valid but at 8 years old your child needs to be learning how to interact with the world not hide from it. Giving my kids this freedom was one of the hardest things I ever did. They have free reign of the block we live on (including the river -now that they are 8 & 10). My 10 year old is now allowed to walk to friends houses a couple of blocks away (following the rules of calling when you get there from the house phone and what time he needs to be home by).

We are forunate that there are lots of kids on the block and they spend the day from house to house. I've been contemplating letting them walk to the park 2 blocks away. They are ready but I am not.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

Thank you! I thought I'd be the lone voice of dissent. I am surprised at how many people mentioned the maturity of the child. It's not the child, but the stranger that I'm worried about.

Mine are 9 and almost 8 and they are not allowed anywhere by themselves but the fenced back yard. Even then, I have the windows and slider open. Also, we live in an insanely safe town, we know most of our neighbors and my DD is very mature (not DS so much...).

With DH being a cop and all of the stories I have read and/or seen, I would not risk it for anything. No way.

I honestly think that the risks of not having plenty of unstructured outside play time are greater than the risks of "stranger danger". Children are very very seldom attacked by strangers. And by 8 and 9, I'd think they'd know to run to the house if someone approached them.

[ZoshaMosha]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

I wonder if they were just letting him do what they did as kids? I mean by age 4 I was wondering the neighborhood, playing with other kids, and going into their houses. I couldn't cross the street by myself yet so if I needed to cross I would knock on someone's door and ask them to hold my hand and take me lol. That was a different time then of course.

Honestly, what has changed since you were a kid? I used to wander around when I was a kid too. I'm 29 now--not all that old and I grew up in a semi-urban neighborhood (Berkeley, CA). The neighborhood I grew up in has only gotten "better" since then, meaning less homeless people, more families, the houses have gotten way more expensive.

Do you believe society has become less safe since we were kids? Or is there only more mass hysteria?

[Marsupialmom]

I think we are creating crippled children by being over protective. They aren't learning how to cope by themselves and be independent. I do think in some areas that type of freedom wouldn't be ok.

I do think we can do to much and be over protective.

My kids have been allowed to do this and know they have a safe supportive home to come home to. They know if they need to leave they can and do!

I am not really worried about strangers....I am more worried about the people they are "comfortable" with. We talk about how bad people can make you feel good and try to gain your trust. That if you don't like someone trust your gut.

[greenmama]

To go one step furthur than marsupialmama... Being overprotective doesn't only prevent them learning to cope themselves, it completely undermines their instincts until they don't have any.

If you tell a child they can't climb a tree that their instincts say they could climb it confuses them and soon they can't recognize what they truly could do and really can't. If you tell them that something is dangerous that all their instincts are telling them is safe they no longer trust their instinct. Then next time their instinct tells them something is dangerous they won't listen to it. Undermining their insticts is truly dangerous.

The world is not more dangerous than it was 30 years ago, it is not even more dangerous than it was 60 years ago, it is just that we have media spreading the gossip of every bad thing that happens in the world till we are afraid of the world we live in. To me the job of the first 7 years of live is to show our children that the world is a good place. They can then learn that there are exceptions of people/places where there is pain and need and people in pain and need can be dangerous.

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by greenmama

To go one step furthur than marsupialmama... Being overprotective doesn't only prevent them learning to cope themselves, it completely undermines their instincts until they don't have any.

If you tell a child they can't climb a tree that their instincts say they could climb it confuses them and soon they can't recognize what they truly could do and really can't. If you tell them that something is dangerous that all their instincts are telling them is safe they no longer trust their instinct. Then next time their instinct tells them something is dangerous they won't listen to it. Undermining their insticts is truly dangerous.

The world is not more dangerous than it was 30 years ago, it is not even more dangerous than it was 60 years ago, it is just that we have media spreading the gossip of every bad thing that happens in the world till we are afraid of the world we live in. To me the job of the first 7 years of live is to show our children that the world is a good place. They can then learn that there are exceptions of people/places where there is pain and need and people in pain and need can be dangerous.

I couldn't agree more.