or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Multicultural Families › Mistaken for the nanny
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Mistaken for the nanny - Page 2

post #21 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamsMama View Post
Where I live, it certainly is more common to see babies with nannies (mostly West Indian). SAHMs are quite rare around here. I used to take my son to the indoor playground at the Y and I'd say most of the adults there were nannies.
The situation is a little different for me because my son and I are both white - it was not a race issue but an expectation of class one, I guess. I lived in a fancy neighborhood, I don't look the part, and in that part of London the nannies are Eastern European thus the assumption. It did rankle, not least because when they found out I was the mum the other care givers didn't talk to me any more!
post #22 of 52
I not mistaken for the nanny but I am for the grandmother. I have been asked a number of times about if they are my grandchildren and just sort of laugh and say they could be but they are my children. I live in a place where women generally do let their hair go grey and mine is and I am in my mid 40s with a 10, 8 and 5 yo.

MLSantarem
post #23 of 52
I keep wondering if DS and I are misconstrued as a nanny and her charge, but there's enough about us that makes us weird that I can't tell what the stares are about.

I'm Chinese, and most people here are white. DS is lighter in skin and hair, but we are always in a mei tai or SSC (which might account for the stares).
post #24 of 52
I don't get mistaken for the nanny often (There aren't many "nannies" in my neck of the woods) But there is a lot double takes when the see me AA with my light as can be Cacasian son.

It generally only bothers me when the disrespect is obvious (sometimes its pure stupidity but not malicious.) OR, when they persist in asking "Is he adopted?" Or some mean question RIGHT in front of my ds!:
post #25 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by nznavo View Post
The situation is a little different for me because my son and I are both white - it was not a race issue but an expectation of class one, I guess.
Likewise. It actually varies by neighborhood for me. And my son looks like me.

I hope it doesn't divert the thread too much to mention that I also get the reverse - my young friend is Indian American and when we are together alone people assume he's my adopted son.
post #26 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamsMama View Post
Honestly, I don't think she was trying to be rude. She actually was trying to flatter my son by saying how cute he was.
I saw her the next day and she again went on and on about how adorable he was. I guess that's good enough for me.
I'm glad you were able to get past that. You and your son are very beautiful!

FWIW, I'm Asian and DH is white and I get it ALL the time when I'm out with my 2 boys. I always see it as a reflection of the person making the comment rather than me and just feel pity for his/her obtuseness.

Smiles
post #27 of 52
My family is mostly homogenous in skintone. But I grew up around a lot of "mixed" kids, and think of variations in skin tone as normal. Of course you look at facial features.

But it seems to me, that people who grew up in more homogenous areas didn't learn that skill and have to but a little more effort into noticing things more subtle than skin color. I think it's ignorance more than an attempt to be rude.
I would still seriously upset me though!!!
post #28 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by HybridVigor View Post
but there's enough about us that makes us weird that I can't tell what the stares are about.
:

Around here being mistaken for the nanny means that you are thin, well dressed, and appear organized.
post #29 of 52
I'm white and my partner is Korean, and at the market we shop at the very nice older Korean lady that works there thanked me for "adopting" my daughter! I have to say, I just thought it was really funny. I just said, no, she's mine, she's half Korean- she couldn't believe it!
post #30 of 52
DD is part NA, and I look every bit of my Irish heritage, and then some. If you look past the skin, eye, and hair color, she's the spitting image of me. But noone ever looks past the coloring until I point it out. Sigh.
post #31 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigeyes View Post
Maybe I'm weird that way, but I often look at kids when they're out and try to find similarities in the people they're with. I think it's cool the way some kids are the image of one parent while others are a perfect blend of both.
I do too. I try not to assume anything because you never know.
post #32 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PabloHoneySF View Post
I'm glad you were able to get past that. You and your son are very beautiful!
Thanks!
post #33 of 52
yes, because Im young ..., more when they were younger..

Now my dd looks just like me and everyone comments on that!!!, but Im sure they wonder about ds bc his hair is so much lighter than ours...

OTH, I babysit a fair one and my dd and I are very dark haired and darker complexioned than the 2 year old I watch... and people constantly mistake her for mine... so.... and she looks absolutely nothing like us!!!
post #34 of 52
Yesterday, some woman commented on how cute DS is and how tanned. Dh wasn't there, and I am the pastiest person ever, so I'm guessing she thought DS as light as me and had been out in the sun. Uh, nope, lady, that's his natural skin color.
I cut her some slack because she was quite elderly, and I don't think biracial marriages were legal in her day. It probably didn't enter her mind that he was a Native kid. The younger woman she was with looked totally embarrassed.
post #35 of 52
I've never been mistaken for the nanny, but when I was a nanny in Connecticut, it was assumed that I was the Mom. It was mean though, because when the other ballet moms found out that I was a nanny, they all stopped talking to me. It was like I stopped being a person, which was really weird.
post #36 of 52
Hi all, I just found this board not too long ago- I love it! I'm biracial, AA dad and white mom (and my DS is half Mexican too so we are definitely a multiracial family) : Anyway, I wanted to say that I had a similar experience a couple years ago.

I brought my mom to work with me to give her a tour. I introduced her to all my co-workers and everyone was very nice and smiley to us & no one made any comments about race. But I found out later from a friend who wasn't there that day, that one of the guys who met my mom told her (my friend) "Oh yeah, Shannon brought some woman to work today and was showing her around. She said it was her mom, but that can't be right because she was white!" WTH? Like I don't know who my own mom is- oh, I thought she was my mom, but I was mistaken? Honestly, what gets into people?

DS is the exact same skin color as me and my spitting image, so hopefully he won't have to hear those sorts of thoughtless comments, though.
post #37 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2landon View Post
"Oh yeah, Shannon brought some woman to work today and was showing her around. She said it was her mom, but that can't be right because she was white!" WTH? Like I don't know who my own mom is- oh, I thought she was my mom, but I was mistaken? Honestly, what gets into people?
LOL! Reminds me of the time when I was at a school function with my mom. Mom is typically Nordic, with blond hair and blue eyes. I look mediterranean. I was sitting next to mom when a teacher asked me "skai, where are your parents?" I said "Mom's right here" and the teacher looked at her, flabbergasted, and said "But how can that be?"
post #38 of 52
There are a lot of nannies in my area and they thought I was one of the club due to DD being very fair and me looking somewhere between Hispanic and native...

I still think she looks like me! Just a lighter, sweeter version!
post #39 of 52
Slightly OT, since this has nothing to do with nannies...

My dad is Mexican, quite dark. But for some reason I came out the spitting image of my Irish-American mother--blonde, freckled and blue-eyed. My brother and my sister, while they look a lot like my mom, have darker skin and hair.

My sister and I in particular have the same shape of face, the same nose and chin, the same shape of eyes. And all the same expressions. We always appreciated it when people pointed those things out instead of saying, "you look nothing alike!"

So anyway, when I was a teenager, if there was ever an occasion that my dad and I went out to dinner alone, the waiters would always get all weird. So my dad would say, "I'll have x and my daughter wants y." And I swear those waiters would wink and nudge and say, "Oh, she's your daughter. Sure she is." :

Ewwwwwww.

And if they really thought that a 50+ yr-old man was dating a minor, why on earth did they wink and nudge about it!!! :
post #40 of 52
this happens to me ALL THE TIME and 5 years in it still drives me a little crazy! (I am spanish and dark skinned, dh is white....kids got his skin and light eyes) I try not to get offended, but geez. And I think in our case the fact that I only speak Spanish to them is a contributor as well sometimes. People way overstep boundries sometimes, in my opinion...
But, also glad to hear I'm not the only one in a way....
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Multicultural Families
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Multicultural Families › Mistaken for the nanny