Mistaken for the nanny - Page 3

[almadianna]

yes i get this often. my daughter has curly dirty blonde hair and i am mexican with brown hair and eyes... its frustrating.

[mamacita angelica]

i had actually come to this board today to see if anyone has had this happen to them, because it happens to me SO often. today really got me mad. my mother is central american and my father is american (he is blue eyed). i have dark complexion and black hair, dark eyes. My husband is a white guy with very blue eyes. so, I have a little girl with strawberry blond hair and crystal blue eyes. I admit seeing the resemblance between us takes, I believe, a love for me that blinds actual vision, since the only people who think she looks like me are my mother and my sister. last week at the zoo, THREE PEOPLE asked me if i was the babysitter or the nanny. I don't always mind when people ask me, because I get it. Believe me, I do. She looks different than me. But families come in so many different shapes, colors and sizes, you would think people would just be polite and honor the fact that this baby has someone who clearly loves her.

Anyway, today at the market, the check out lady said, "Her eyes are so gorgeous" so I said, "Yes, she gets them from her dad and my dad." (I usually say something like that, so that people don't go to the nanny place.) and she said, "She's not yours, is she?" and I said, "Yes, I'm the mommy." and she ROLLED her eyes and said, "Are you sure about that?" and I just went there. "Well, she came out of me, so yeah, I'm sure about it." give someone an out and you think they would take it!

Like I said, I don't usually mind unless they actually don't believe I am telling the truth.

[Joyster]

Originally Posted by mamacita angelica

Anyway, today at the market, the check out lady said, "Her eyes are so gorgeous" so I said, "Yes, she gets them from her dad and my dad." (I usually say something like that, so that people don't go to the nanny place.) and she said, "She's not yours, is she?" and I said, "Yes, I'm the mommy." and she ROLLED her eyes and said, "Are you sure about that?" and I just went there. "Well, she came out of me, so yeah, I'm sure about it." give someone an out and you think they would take it!

Like I said, I don't usually mind unless they actually don't believe I am telling the truth.

What a crazy question! I mean what are you going to say "Well....now that you mention it, I think you're right, I don't think she is mine afterall." Boy talk about a candidate for the Doofus of the Week award. lol

[seh97001]

After my son was born, that night in the hospital, a nurse came in with my son, and when she walked in she looked at me and then looked back down at the baby, then she looked back at the door like she had gotten the wrong room. Then she asked to see my bracelet. I knew what she was thinking, but she didn't make any rude comments.

But I have never had anyone think I'm not the mother, or at least they never said anything.

[2mama]

I have been asked if I was dd's sister many times and nanny as well. It always bothers me...

As for you and your ds I think he looks just like you!!!!!! You have a beautiful family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sijae]

People make assumptions based on what they "expect" to see all the time. They don't usually look beneath the surface. I do not have bi-racial children but my 12 and 13 year old sons both have very long hair and my 12 year old has chosen to cut himself bangs because he doesn't like hair in his face. They are constantly called girls in public even though they are clearly boys when you look at their faces. Most of the time we do not correct them and let them make the assumption. I'm teaching my kids not to put so much stock in other peoples opinions.

My sons also have a different biological father than my daughter. Since we all share a last name and have been a family for a long time, there is no way of knowing this fact. Many people comment on how they look like their father (my husband now) because they expect to see it. We don't correct those comments either - just smile and say thank you.

I also used to get mistaken for the babysitter but for a different reason. I had my sons when I was 16 and 17 years old. I got a lot of assumptions on the playground especially from children and if I went out with my mother or an older friend it was assumed I was holding my little brother. Of course I didn't get those assumptions when I was nursing! LOL then I just got dirty looks for being a teen mom.

Laura

[hbmomof5]

I have two bi-racial kids. My DS is lighter and no one ever questioned me about him. My DD on the other hand doesn't really look bi-racial except for her hair. I had three incidents that really stick in my head. The first two are funny and cute. The third just weird.

When DD was about 1yo we were sitting at the side of the pool at our apt and a little girl about 4yo came up and sat beside us. The conversation went something like this:

4yo: You have a pretty baby
Me: Thank you.
4yo: (Pause) Is that YOUR baby?
Me: Yep, she's mine.

Long Pause
4yo: Did you birth her?
Me: (Much laughter) Yep, I birthed her!

Second Incident:

Playing at the park with my DD a little AA girl comes up to play. They play for quite a while and DD comes up to me several times and talks. Once as they are walking away I hear the little girl say, "Are you a foster child?" I knew the little girl wasn't one herself but also knew there were several in the grade school which might have given her the idea. My daughter just kept shrugging her shoulders.

Third incident:

Took DD for a checkup before starting K. They wanted to test for lead and I was sick of pushing it off and agreed. The lady drawing the labs comes into our room. DD is up on the table and I am sitting in a chair. As the lab lady starts talking to DD, my DD keeps looking at me out of the corner of her eyes (very shy). Then it gets weird.

Lab Lady: Where is your mom at today?
DD: (gives me look as if "Whats wrong with this chick?")
Lab Lady: Does your mom know youre here?
Me: Yes, Im sitting right here.
Lab Lady to my DD: Is this your mom? (she says this with a "if it's not you can tell me" voice)

Oh, almost forgot! My BF is black and when DD was a baby people would tell her how cute her baby was. : When I would say "Thank you" they would always look at me like "I wasn't talking to you" so I would just say something to let them know she was mine.

[NYCVeg]

Just saw this thread in the list and wanted to say...it may not always be racism. I don't have a multicultural family, but I've been asked many times if I'm dd's babysitter, because I look very young (for the record, I'm in my 30s and dd looks exactly like me ).

In my area, as someone else said, at least 50% of the kids I see at the park are with nannies. There are nannies of all ethnic backgrounds--West Indian, British, Eastern European, Haitian, Korean, Chinese, you name it. I also know many multicultural families in the area. If I asked, it wouldn't be because I assumed a "dark-skinned" woman couldn't possibly give birth to a "light-skinned baby"--but precisely because I wouldn't want to assume that someone was either the mom OR the nanny. I don't make assumptions about any adult I see with a child.

[psychethemuse]

I haven't had this happen yet, but the other day a woman was saying how cute my daughter was and then she looked up at me and said in surprise, "Oh, she does look like you!" Generally people say "she must look a lot like her dad."
I'm biracial (B&W) and her dad is caucasian so she's quite fair skinned, with reddish hair to boot. Still, her features are a definite mix and she definitely has my smile.

However, I have had the opposite problem. When I was about 13 and babysitting a 4 year old, I took him to a park one day. A parent observed me playing with him and asked if he was my son. I'll grant that we had a similar skin tone, his slightly paler (he was half caucasian half asian-sorry I don't know what his mom's background was exactly). But I actually looked my age, so it would have been quite impossible.

[Viola]

Nannies aren't particularly common in my neck of the woods, but I'm sure there are plenty of non-parental caretakers out there. I usually just act as if the caretaker is the mother and figure I'll be corrected if it's actually the aunt, grandmother, older sister, nanny, what have you. I remember when I was 12 people thought I was my baby niece's mother, and that just cracked me up.

[CorasMama]

Haha, this used to happen with me and my sister. I thought it was particularly funny, because due to being a pre-olympic athelete in my younger years, at 13 when my sis was born, my period was still another 2 years away!

So when someone was rude enough to assume my baby sister was my dd, and make the accompanying rude looks or even remarks, I would look them in the face, smirk, and say, with a level of condescention in my tone to equal their level of rudeness, "she's my sister. Now, for her to be my daughter, that's biologically impossible. Would you like me to explain more?" And stroll away

[mamacita angelica]

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

Just saw this thread in the list and wanted to say...it may not always be racism. I don't have a multicultural family, but I've been asked many times if I'm dd's babysitter, because I look very young (for the record, I'm in my 30s and dd looks exactly like me ).

In my area, as someone else said, at least 50% of the kids I see at the park are with nannies. There are nannies of all ethnic backgrounds--West Indian, British, Eastern European, Haitian, Korean, Chinese, you name it. I also know many multicultural families in the area. If I asked, it wouldn't be because I assumed a "dark-skinned" woman couldn't possibly give birth to a "light-skinned baby"--but precisely because I wouldn't want to assume that someone was either the mom OR the nanny. I don't make assumptions about any adult I see with a child.

i don't think it is racism, per se, and it is great that you don't make assumptions about people, but lots of people out there do. i don't always mind when people ask me, but somedays, i just get fed up. I would just like to go through my day without having to justify my relationship with my own daughter. i was using this board to rant, not necessarily to make sweeping generalizations about all these people. i thought people here in this post would understand how tiring and annoying it can be.