i'm losing it!!

[sweetpea333]

my 4 year old is driving me nuts lately... she's constantly whining and will not listen about 80% of the time, I'm having a hard time keeping my temper, I yell and then I feel horrible, but what do you do when repeated requests are totally ignored?? I know there are plenty of options but nothing gentle seems to work.. she will not stop opening the outside door even when it's locked, if I'm cleaning glass or an animal mess and tell her to please leave because she will get hurt she will not listen unless i physically move her or nudge her out if my hands are full, she won't stay out of the fridge.. she hits her 30 month old sister, screams at her runs into her "accidently" and lies about every little thing...

this just started about 2 weeks ago, i'm starting to feel distant from her because i'm always feeling angry at her. I try really hard to keep them busy with friends and parks and I give them all of me I really feel like she treats me like garbage.. she constantly orders me around and I'm exhausted!! she calls me names like doo doo head and sticks her tongue out at me I'm at my wits end, I can barely stand to be around her half the time.. She goes to bed well but I spend the night feeling like a total failure, because I have been on board with gd from the beginning but recently things have started to go downhill..... wow what a rant, She does have alot of wonderful sweet moments and I love her, I'm just scared she isn't going to ever learn to be respectful..

[wdube]

Stop beating yourself up ... we have all behaved in ways that we are not proud of.

Have you read Naomi Aldort's _Raising_Our_Children_Raising_Ourselves_? I ask because the last thing you wrote ("I'm just scared she isn't going to ever learn to be respectful..") is what she refers to as an "old tape" playing in your head. Do you truly feel this way or are you thinking this way because of how you were raised/something you were told as a child? We all have old tapes, and the more power we give them, the more they can inhibit our genuine connection with our children.

My son turned four recently. He, too, wants a lot of my attention. I know this is just who he is -- and I've learned to accept and embrace it. I'm working really hard to be present (mentally and physically) when he asks me to play, for example. It's not always easy, but that's the kind of mom I want to be. Try to just let go and accept her for who she is.

You also mentioned that your dc won't listen to you. I think there is a big difference between listening to you and complying with your wishes. In the case of my own children, I make requests but try not to demand. I've let go of my expections for compliance and therefore, if something doesn't get done when I ask, I'm generally okay with it ... I can just do it myself (then I'm meeting my need).

As for the name-calling/sticking our her tongue, have you tried turning it into a game, as suggested in _Playful_Parenting_? For example, "You can call me 'doo doo head', but whatever you do don't call me 'silly mommy'," or something goofy. Maybe she's picking up on the fact that you are distancing yourself from her and she knows this is one way to get your attention.

GD is a journey. Every day I become a better parent. I'm sure you do, too, so give yourself a break.

[my3peanuts]

I could've written this post but my dd is 5. I feel exactly like you do. I have no advice as I'm looking for it too but I can offer a hug.