It's mid August, and the search continues...Update post #7

[eepster]

I'm going insane trying to find a school for DS. I found one that is just right, but we really can't afford it. I found others that we could sort of afford, but have schedualing issues or philosophical differences (nonM ones for philosophical issues.)

I thought I had found one finally that would work. We could afford it (though DH made a fuss.) It was a long drive, but I could live with it. I was going to sign him up today, but I had one last question I had forgotten to ask during our visit. Could DS's stuffed bunny, Mr Rabbit, attend with him.

All the other schools said they would encourage Mr Rabbit to wait in DS's backpack or cubby, but at times (like the beginning of the school year) if DS wasn't quite ready it would be OK. This school is not OK with Mr Rabbit coming. Mr Rabbit must stay in DS's backpack, and they encourage Mr Rabbit to stay in the car with me.

Now Mr Rabbit is more than just a stuffed bunny to DS, he is DS's courage. When DS isn't up to participating in Music Together class Mr Rabbit will do it for him. DS refuses to attend Music Together class with out Mr Rabbit, how am I supposed to get DS to the point where he will seperate from me and Mr Rabbit at the same time.

It seems like such a silly thing to be a deal breaker at a school, but I think it has to be. I also wonder if it is indicative of an overall attitude of not accomidating childrens needs.

So, with just weeks before the school year begins I still don't know what to do with DS.

[BabyGow]

I don't think it is fair to ask your DS to seperate from both at the same time. I do think that perhaps in the Montessori school, it may be considered a distraction to the other children :
I think that if it doesn't feel right to you, you shouldn't send him. Maybe you could try encouraging him to leave Mr. Rabbit during short durations so that when school starts he would be more adjusted to leaving him? Or perhaps Mr. Rabbit has to help you during the time that DS is in school so he has to stay with you? These are all just ideas and may not be on the same track as your parenting style either...
That being said, we have "Rapper" here(stuffed leopard) and while DS is attached to him a bit, he does fine without him. Actually our first trip to tour the school, we purposely left Rapper at home so that he wouldn't even put school together with carrying Rapper. He never said anything about it until we were driving home and he said he forgot him I noticed that once he was in the classroom with all sorts of new things to look at and do, he never even thought of our sweet stuffed leopard!

[Koloe]

Originally Posted by BabyGow

I don't think it is fair to ask your DS to seperate from both at the same time. I do think that perhaps in the Montessori school, it may be considered a distraction to the other children :
I think that if it doesn't feel right to you, you shouldn't send him. Maybe you could try encouraging him to leave Mr. Rabbit during short durations so that when school starts he would be more adjusted to leaving him? Or perhaps Mr. Rabbit has to help you during the time that DS is in school so he has to stay with you? These are all just ideas and may not be on the same track as your parenting style either...
That being said, we have "Rapper" here(stuffed leopard) and while DS is attached to him a bit, he does fine without him. Actually our first trip to tour the school, we purposely left Rapper at home so that he wouldn't even put school together with carrying Rapper. He never said anything about it until we were driving home and he said he forgot him I noticed that once he was in the classroom with all sorts of new things to look at and do, he never even thought of our sweet stuffed leopard!

I second all this.

[BCFD]

My oldest has her "yellow lovey" and has begun the stage of hording her toys and wanting about 15 things to come to bed with us and/or go in the car with her. She doesn't need YL or the toys, but on occasion she asks to bring them (maybe if she's feeling extra sensitive/needy). She is always allowed to bring whatever she wants, but I have always said, "lets leave xyz in the car so we don't lose it or get it dirty". For some reason that has always worked for her. Maybe you could try that with DS and let him know that Mr. Rabbit will be waiting for him when he gets out of school? Or perhaps Mr. Rabbit could stay in his cubby until nap time (that is, if he will still be there). I would ask the school again (either the teacher or owner/principle).

[Zing]

I can relate to your situation well, as I am a mother of 2 and a teacher for the past 8 yrs. This reminds me of situation I encountered as a teacher . . . right down to the bunny (who was named Max). While the mother was very concerned about how her son would handle the transition without Max, her son did just fine. I had assured her, as I would you too, that is she exuded the confidence that her son would be okay, then he would believe it probably would be okay. Our kids look to us for cues. So, if you are secure in the decision and exude that, then it is likely that your DS will feel comforted by your clear confidence. Also, it is important to be clear and concise and not tangled up with emotion and concern. Rest assured. It can be so hard to trust the philosophies of others, but the school probably believes that they have the best interests of your DS in mind and that is what they are accommodating.

[newmomlearning]

If the bunny issue feels like a deal breaker, then maybe it is. Perhaps it is not time for him to go to school.

The school does have your child's best interest at heart. On the first days, your son's energy should be focussed on getting into the flow of the program and not on clinging to the bunny. What if another child wants to hold the bunny? That will likely upset your Son, greatly.

The school has valid reasons for not allowing toys. At this age, toys cause conflict between the children. In Montessori, children are to be a comfort to each other and to form a peaceful classroom.

I've learned through Montessori to have confidence in my child's ability to grow and to handle that growth well.

It is scary to let go and we want to give our children every comfort as they leave the warmth of home.

And, letting go is sometimes so much harder for us Moms.

Your heart will tell you what to do.

[eepster]

I should have added an update sooner, as of last friday we signed DS up at a very flexible shcool. Not only is it OK for DS to have Mr Rabbit till he gets settled in and relaxes, but they are generally accomodating to what works best for each child.

For example, at the school that I thought would have worked great for DS but we couldn't afford, they had a very specific way of transitioning away from parent. It invovled all mommies (or daddies) staying for a set number of days on a specific schedual. One of the other schools we looked at did a "car line" and that was just their way of doing it.

This school on the other hand allows the child to dictate how they want to transition away. They reccomend that the mommy (or daddy) waits in the hall (in sight of the class, but not in it)with a book till the child has learned to trust the teachers and environment and then leave. They say how long it takes the child varies a lot that some kids are ready in a week to let go, but other need a whole month. They even have an area off to the side where a still nervous mommy can go that is out of sight of the children just in case the LO has an easier time sepperating than the parent does. Once the LO has adjusted they can choose if they want to be walked to the class by mommy or if they want to do the "car line."

This place isn't as spiffy as the place we couldn't afford, and isn't as serene as the place that only did mornings, etc, but I really like how flexible they are, so I FINALLY found a place for DS.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by newmomlearning

If the bunny issue feels like a deal breaker, then maybe it is. Perhaps it is not time for him to go to school.

The school does have your child's best interest at heart. On the first days, your son's energy should be focussed on getting into the flow of the program and not on clinging to the bunny. What if another child wants to hold the bunny? That will likely upset your Son, greatly.

The school has valid reasons for not allowing toys. At this age, toys cause conflict between the children. In Montessori, children are to be a comfort to each other and to form a peaceful classroom.

I've learned through Montessori to have confidence in my child's ability to grow and to handle that growth well.

It is scary to let go and we want to give our children every comfort as they leave the warmth of home.

And, letting go is sometimes so much harder for us Moms.

Your heart will tell you what to do.

DS is actually very good about sharing Mr Rabbit if DS isn't feeling scared or over whelmed. It really surprised me how much he just takes it in stride when other kids pick up Mr Rabbit (actually adults often seem to feel a need to try out Mr Rabbit as soon as they figure out he's really a puppet.) He often just puts Mr Rabbit down to sit next to him once he is actually engaged in an activity, so it's not like he clutches him constantly. When we are out and about Mr Rabbit spends much of his time in my purse.

However, when DS needs Mr Rabbit he needs Mr Rabbit. DS has some obvious anxiety issues (we had been worried about selective mutism, but he has just recently started to ask waiteresses for the food he wants) and Mr Rabbit is his main coping strategy. He also uses Mr Rabbit to voice feelings for him. DS will say "Mr Rabbit is scared" when DS is startled by a loud noise, or "Mr Rabbit had a nightmare" after I asked DS if DS had a nightmare whes he woke up crying and calling for Mr Rabbit.

We didn't start out insisting that DS was always allowed to have Mr Rabbit, but several months ago, about 2 or 3 into the session, DS absolutely refused to enter his Music Together class. At the time I had been having Mr Rabbit wait for us in the lobby with our coats and shoes and what not. That day he just kept nursing and refusing to go in song after song, so finally I said "would it help if Mr Rabbit came with us?" and it did, he went into class clutching Mr Rabbit in one arm and holding tight to me with the other. It has taken time, but now Mr Rabbit sits next to him much of class. Mr Rabbit is also often much braver than DS and is willing to try instruments that DS is too nervous to touch.