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What do other breastfeeding/nursing mothers think of this common comment?

post #1 of 52
8/13/08 at 6:36pm
Thread Starter 
I was wondering what other mothers who practice Child led weaning think of comments like this,

"I am pro breastfeeding/nursing, but when they get to/can do/become X age, that is time to stop."

I have heard this comment several times and I think it is laughable.:

Ahem So, let me know what you think?

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post #2 of 52
8/13/08 at 6:56pm
I find it frustrating to hear, but change takes time. My sil feels that way and bf until 1 and that is it. I try to find the positive and think at least her children are getting some bm. Hopefully, someday people will not think of it as just nutrition or that it is on a timetable. Mothering through breastfeeding is completely natural and what our children need to be balanced, secure and independent human beings.
post #3 of 52
8/13/08 at 7:32pm
DH was that way for a while. He used to say by age 2 they should be done. Well, that came and went with DDs without so much as a word from him about it. It wasn't weird once we reached that age or after. I think it is just really difficult for a lot of people to imagine nursing a child for any extended length of time. I love it when people reach those time frames, though, and change their thinking.
post #4 of 52
8/13/08 at 7:38pm
That comment is ridiculous..
post #5 of 52
8/13/08 at 8:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy View Post
That comment is ridiculous..
Yes, but, in defense of them, many people just really have NO IDEA what it is even like to nurse before they had any children and/or what a kid is really like at age 2 or 3 or whatever.

Waaaay back in the day (like when i was in highschool), i always thought i'd bf for 6 months. Then when i started thinking about TTC i thought one year. Then i had my ds and thought omg bfeeidng is so painful/hard etc. how will i make passed six WEEKS?! THEN, it magically got easier, and better, and suddenly i LOVED IT. So now he's almost 12 months and I plan to let him lead the way (probably child led weaning).

I think the biggest thing is it's hard for people to imagine if they've never had kids before. They can't picture a four year old walking up to them wanting to nurse kwim?
post #6 of 52
8/13/08 at 8:24pm
I usually say something like, "Well, I have already made arrangements with their teachers, so I think I am all set. Thanks for the concern, though."
post #7 of 52
8/13/08 at 8:26pm
I think they probably haven't read enough on the topic of breastfeeding, and should better inform themselves!
post #8 of 52
8/13/08 at 9:30pm
I used to say comments like this and I keep finding myself pushing the "weaning" deadline back further and further--pretty much going towards DD's terms vs. mine (as mine just evaporate with each milestone LOL).

When I hear them now, I just smile and nod. I was there once and when I actually started nursing, things changed. And for those who do not change their minds at least they are willing to try breastfeeding to a certain point Change has to start somewhere.

LOL, perhaps I am just too much of an optimist.
post #9 of 52
8/13/08 at 10:05pm
My mother, regarding 20 mo dd:

"She's asking to nurse?!! OMG, she's too old to nurse!! Once they can ask for it you have to wean them!"

Me: "The WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least 2 years of age, and then for as long as both the mother and child want to."

Mother: "Well, that's for kids in Africa who don't have safe food and water and would die if their moms don't breastfeed them! You can give her cow's milk, it's just as good for her!"

Me: "Cow's milk is for baby cows. Human milk is for human babies."

Mother: "Once they're over one year old, breastmilk has no advantage over cow's milk."

Me: "Why would milk made for a baby cow be just as good as MY milk, made for MY child?"

???

It always amazes me how the first 12 months of a baby's life, friends and family will ask, "You're still nursing! That's so great!" But something happens on after the 1st birthday and it becomes, "You're *still* nursing? That's weird."
post #10 of 52
8/13/08 at 11:13pm
well... when I was pregnant with DD#1 I was one of those "I'll try to nurse for 12 months"

I honestly didn't know better. at first I honestly thought you were supposed to nurse for 6 months only... I know, I know...

So when DD#1 was 4 months old, I was desperate for adult conversation, I went to a breastfeeding support group. I met this fabulous woman who I completely interviewed/interrogated. She had a 2 1/2 yo DD, potty learned and still being worn in a sling and nursing. She told me all about AP, she even gave me my first copy of Mothering. I was always really info BF, but I really didn't know where to find the resources... I was getting all of my info from formula company handouts about BF...

now, here I am... I have actually run the group myself a few times when the LC couldn't make it, I make my own baby carriers. I walk up to people who are wearing slings incorrectly and fix them for them so they'll be more comfortable.

you can't take those comments too seriously, they are quite often made by someone who has no clue what they are talking about.
post #11 of 52
8/13/08 at 11:21pm
i find it amusing. then i get MAD. mad that our society has raised generations to believe that comment.
i hear "when they are too old to ask for it, then its time to stop" well, Addy asks for snacks, should i not give her snacks because she can ask for it? my husband will ask me to snuggle with him, should i stop that too because he can ask for it?! how asinine!!!
mt response is usually "why would i stop giving my child her favorite food and source of comfort just because she can tell me when she wants it? i think its GREAT that she can let me know she wants to nurse, way easier than following her around with my tits hanging out waiting for her to latch on "

i really do hate that comment tho.
post #12 of 52
8/14/08 at 12:16am
I just smile and nod. Thankfully I don't hear it much because all my IRL mama friends nurse their kids until 2 and well beyond. Now that I'm nursing a 2 year old, I'm amazed at how much Henri is still just a tiny baby that needs his mama for everything. I know that if other people could see what I see, they would agree that a child needs to be breastfed beyond 2 years old.
post #13 of 52
8/14/08 at 3:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyMamaBear View Post
i hear "when they are too old to ask for it, then its time to stop" well, Addy asks for snacks, should i not give her snacks because she can ask for it? my husband will ask me to snuggle with him, should i stop that too because he can ask for it?! how asinine!!!
I actually got into it with my MIL about this very topic. Her reasoning was that breastmilk was different somehow than other foods. Her and my ex- SIL were very opposed to CLW, but my MIL did end the conversation with "well I BF-ed (her DD) till she was 16 months ..." like it was okay still, since my DD was only 14 months at the time. Like i still had a few months to get her to stop or whatever. Yea, 20 months, and 10 weeks prego and still going.....

If it is someone who I really don't know, or who I am not vested with very much, I usually kinda giggle at them. Their ignorance is not my problem. I usually say something to get them to think about what they just said (like "so I shouldn't give her her baby when she asks for it then?") then move on with my life......
post #14 of 52
8/14/08 at 4:58pm
If someone puts a restriction on nursing like that, then they are pro-nursing to a certain age. I wouldn't say that they're against nursing, just against a certain age. I understand that everyone's comfort level is different. Before I had my first child, I had planned on weaning at a year. I wasn't against other people nursing a 3 year old, but I "knew" it wasn't for me. My first weaned a month shy of 5 years btw! Things change!
post #15 of 52
8/14/08 at 5:18pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone who has so far posted!

I have been very interested in other breastfeeding mothers opinions on this as it is one of those common comments I often hear/read and so forth. I often think well how can you really truly be pro breastfeeding if you think it should stop after X age?

I do not see what "damage" could be done by doing something so natural.
I don't see the issue with the fact that milk comes from breasts.

We are humans and that is how our young feed.
The human immune system is not fully developed until the age of seven.

I consider my self pro breastfeeding and I honestly wouldn't care if a nine year old was still being breastfed, I wouldn't care if a mother expressed milk and a human adult drank it, I wouldn't care if a man drank his partners milk straight from her breast. I wouldn't care if a mother breastfed in public without "being discreet", I wouldn't care is a mother breastfed her baby while naked and her baby was also naked. I would not care is a mother crossed fed or gave her milk to another human baby.

I think breastfeeding is wonderful and something worth celebrating. It was a wonderful part of my childhood and I am so proud of my mother for breastfeeding me. Breastfeeding is not sexual. Breastfeeding a child will not cause trauma, weaning can however (I know from personal experience).

Our culture is terrible! what is wrong with the world why is there so many myths about breastfeeding, why do so many people have problems with it. There is such a huge stigma attached to breastfeeding a that needs to change.

I read the comments on you tube on the video with Veronika Sophia Robinson & Bethany and Eliza, a doco on breastfeeding full term. You should see the comments. I have read things like "that mother is incest" "those girls are going to be traumatized for life", "those girls are going to be lesbians" etc etc.

I realize breastfeeding is, sadly, something a lot of people don't know anything about, some people have not even seen a mother feed her baby. People don't know any better. But none the less it makes me feel really really sad.

I was breastfed for five years and remember it, so I have a different view on breastfeeding then most mainstream people would.
post #16 of 52
8/14/08 at 6:34pm
Quote:
n defense of them, many people just really have NO IDEA what it is even like to nurse before they had any children and/or what a kid is really like at age 2 or 3 or whatever.
pretty much.

I used to make snide comments about kids who could ask for cookies with their milk.. oops! look at me now. He can not only ask for cookies but bake them.
post #17 of 52
8/14/08 at 7:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by NatureMama3 View Post
pretty much.

I used to make snide comments about kids who could ask for cookies with their milk.. oops! look at me now. He can not only ask for cookies but bake them.
post #18 of 52
8/14/08 at 9:58pm
The words "when they're old enough to ask for it, then it's probably time to stop" actually came out of my mouth. Based on no logic, no experience, no nothing other than internalizing some off comment I heard somewhere in our society.

Then I became I mother.

...my mom, a former LLL leader who has CLW all 6 of us (which I didn't know at the time), let those words come out of my mouth with nothing more than a nod.
post #19 of 52
8/14/08 at 10:14pm
Thread Starter 

lol, that is priceless! your mother is wicked! I bet she has been great support for you during breastfeeding.
post #20 of 52
8/14/08 at 11:35pm
I utterly hate that, "if they are old enough to ask for it, its time to stop"

I say, "Soooo....when they are old enough to verbalize thier needs, it's time to stop meeting them?"

That ususally just draws a blank stare.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Breastfeeding › Child-Led Weaning › What do other breastfeeding/nursing mothers think of this common comment?