What do other breastfeeding/nursing mothers think of this common comment? - Page 2

[sewaneecook]

That comment doesn't bother me much because it is usually made in ignorance. I try to use it as a great time to educate the public about the benefits of BFing beyond a certain time frame. Since DS's birth I have educated my ILs about BFing and I have only had one comment made by them and it was quickly taken back. Prior to DS they had NEVER been around a BFed baby, so I think this has been a great success.

[widemouthedfrog]

heck, mine's old enough to express in a little song how much she loves her nummies. which are apparently hers, btw, and not mine.

when people ask me when I am going to wean, I say that I suspect she'll wean some time before age 25. In a friendly way, of course. They can think what they want, but they don't usually say it to me.

If people say "When they're old enough to ask for it...." I either give a little smile and shrug or I say "Why?"

I am not ok bfing in public because I don't want people to make comments to dd. Because she might remember those comments, and I want her interactions around nursing to be positive.

[I-AM-Mother]

Originally Posted by neostudded

I was wondering what other mothers who practice Child led weaning think of comments like this,

"I am pro breastfeeding/nursing, but when they get to/can do/become X age, that is time to stop."

I have heard this comment several times and I think it is laughable.:

Ahem So, let me know what you think?

Nothing. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

[hipmummy]

I am so sick of hearing,: Lately I let them go on an on and then spring on "Well Ds is still nursing and WE have no plans on weaning anytime soon" boy do the noses hit the ceiling. I have lost amny friends over CLW and frankly I do not care.
Then there is teh other camp who thinks CLW is mama toture you can hear them whisper "oh the poor thing he just won't give it up" or "oh hei sso cute and smart , but you kow she STILL has to nurse him" like it is a crime

Once in a great while I will get the half hearted "Well you will know when enough is enough" Meaning it is okay until next month but after lady you better quit.

[_betsy_]

Comment: "Once they can ask for it, they're too old."

My answer: DD was born asking for milk - that's what crying usually is all about as an infant, you know? Needing to be held, fed, comforted. Now that she's a bit older, she has a much nicer way to ask for it, but she's still a baby!

Comment: Once they get teeth, they're too old

My answer: I just read about a baby being born with 2 teeth! Isn't that crazy?! But really, when they get teeth, it's the bottoms first, and their tongue just covers those up. It's really no different nursing ababy with teeth than without.

But, usually, I smile and nod, or ask for a source for that "information."

[SkyMomma]

Well ~ I guess I have little more compassion for those of us who, in our ignorance, put limits around this wonderful process. I was asked about this while pregnant with DS1, & vaguely remember saying something like: "I can't imagine nursing once he has teeth. I can't imagine nursing when he can talk". Note that this was after I'd read the LLL literature & was no reflection on what I though other people should do, I just literally couldn't imagine it for myself. Silly me. DS1 self-weaned at 3 1/2. LOL.

[milkybean]

I'm very lucky in that most of my friends and even acquaintances know that I myself was nursed until I was 4. My brother and 2 half brothers nursed until they were 2 (self-weaned all three of them...I myself was forcibly weaned, for a second time, when my brother stopped nursing). And my half sister went beyond 4, despite her mother having major surgery then being in nursing school full time!

And for those who do NOT know that, they quickly learn.

But I have one persistent friend who says the "if they can ask for it they are too old". But that doesn't even work, b/c when DS was mere hours old I noticed a difference in his hungry cry. When he was hungry, his cry would sound like "laaaaa, laaaaa, laaaaa". You could see his tongue making the L-sound shape.

His cry for anything else was more "waaaa", no L-sound shape with the tongue.

So he was asking for it since he was hours old. But he still needed mama's milk. Nothing much has changed, except he can ask in English instead of saying "laaaa".

[Magali]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

Yes, but, in defense of them, many people just really have NO IDEA what it is even like to nurse before they had any children and/or what a kid is really like at age 2 or 3 or whatever.

Waaaay back in the day (like when i was in highschool), i always thought i'd bf for 6 months. Then when i started thinking about TTC i thought one year. Then i had my ds and thought omg bfeeidng is so painful/hard etc. how will i make passed six WEEKS?! THEN, it magically got easier, and better, and suddenly i LOVED IT. So now he's almost 12 months and I plan to let him lead the way (probably child led weaning).

I think the biggest thing is it's hard for people to imagine if they've never had kids before. They can't picture a four year old walking up to them wanting to nurse kwim?

This. When I was pg my sis was nursing my then 17 month old niece and due to medical reasons had to wean her. I remember thinking that my niece looked old enough that she didn't need to be breastfed any longer. Now I have a 15 month old who is a very avid nurser and it seems so right and so natural now that I am a mom and I plan on CLW. So my views have really changed.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog

I am not ok bfing in public because I don't want people to make comments to dd. Because she might remember those comments, and I want her interactions around nursing to be positive.

I have found myself limiting where I will NIP also. If I am around strangers that I will never see again and most likely would never say anything to me or where I could hear them, I have no problem with it. However, I have told DD2 to wait until we are home when we are at places like DD1's ballet class.

I am just so thankful to have a great playgroup with moms that are CLWing, too. DD2 is right in the middle of the age range for BFing kiddos. It is such a positive environment.

[sachasmom]

Yep. I honestly find these comments funny. Especially when they come from women who've never had children yet .... as they frequently do! I was nursing my 13-mo-old around the new (ridiculously young) girlfriend of a divorced colleague who's really old enough to know better. The colleague was talking about how his ex-wife nursed their son for the first year and then stopped. Anyway, the girlfriend chimed in with: "Yeah! Once they're old enough to ask, that's IT!" I just smiled and nodded. I guess she felt she had to contribute something. I hope for her sake that she develops the self-confidence to have her own opinions on the matter instead of just parroting whatever she thinks will make her more attractive to the boyfriend of the moment! I also hope she dumps the colleague and finds a nice guy her own age ... but that's a whole other story!!

[ParisApril]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

I just smile and nod. Thankfully I don't hear it much because all my IRL mama friends nurse their kids until 2 and well beyond. Now that I'm nursing a 2 year old, I'm amazed at how much Henri is still just a tiny baby that needs his mama for everything. I know that if other people could see what I see, they would agree that a child needs to be breastfed beyond 2 years old.

ITA! I am nursing my 3yo and he is still very much a baby at times and needs his "teet"! (He chose that word not me )

[neostudded]

Thanks everyone for replying, I often feel differently when I hear this comment depending on the context in which it is said also.

[azariahsmom]

I've heard comments like that from people who only BF for a few months and I think it's just crazy.

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

I have not set any age limit. Such comments are not acceptable to me.
Uzra

[leosmommy]

like pp have said, I usually use any rude comments as an intro to throw in my OWN opinon about the topic and also to educate someone about the benefits of BF, CLW, and all of AP.

I have oversupply (and I'm thankful for it!) and a freezer full of milk that I can't find anyone to give to, so in our household we use my milk for lots of things...in place of cow's/soy milk (it's free and I know it's organic and doesn't cost an arm and a leg) in our favorite recipes (on cereal, in oatmeal, for smoothies/popsicles, for sourdough bread, in muffin mixes, etc.) and we use it also as an all purpose healing serum. Feeling sick? Drink a glass of booby milk. Scrapes, cuts, rashes, pimples, dry skin...our motto is "squirt some booby milk on it!". Yeah, my ILs think we're nuts (we live with them) but when they see how healthy we and our DS all are then they realize maybe we're doing something right.

I find it so weird that people will drink milk from a cow's teats, and that's normal, but to feed my child and my family (humans...) with milk from a human's teats is disgusting. I've had coworkers say "that's gross" when I store my pumped milk in the fridge next to their food...I just tell them that their preservative and chemical laden food is "even grosser" and watching THEM eat just makes me sick.

I know, I'm kind of OT and ranting...

I just feel that the only way to normalize BFing is to, well...DO IT!

I nurse my DS everywhere...at work on my break, in church, in front of relatives, friends, at the park, in the mall, at restaurants...the more I do it the more people will realize that it's normal and natural and not something to be ashamed of.

We were leaving church the other day and our priest (VERY LOUDLY) said to us..."You must have some kind of super milk...that boy gets bigger every time I see him!"

And I've nursed during communion in front of everyone...and our priest just smiles. And I know he uses us as an example for AP when he finds out a mom in our parish is expecting. "Look how happy baby K is...they cosleep and BF him and they even cloth diaper! And don't you love how their DS sleeps right through my sermons in that wrap?"

Hopefully this will encourage other moms to do the same...

[neostudded]

Love your post, I found it very interesting, I wish I knew you in real life because you sound awesome! I have heard people talk about "those women" who used breast milk in other things, not just for breastfeeding their young and I think it is great!

I bet your family is very healthy, and I agree 100% about the cows milk thing.

Thanks for posting.

[JoyfulMom84]

Honestly, before I had DD I felt that way. I just thought it was weird to breastfeed a baby past 1.5 yrs at the latest...My Mom said all of us (5 kids) self weaned by 18mos at the latest (though she really did gentle mother led weaning in some aspects). Now I can't imagine DD weaning! I want her to nurse as long as she wants. Acutally the thought of her weaning at 12mos or even before 2 makes me really sad!!! I would have no problem nursing a 3 yo

IMHO if you haven't been raised in a CLW home, or if you've never REALLY breastfed it's hard to consider it. It can be downright horrifying to think of a LO asking to nurse!!!!!! (sarcasm). I mean anyone can appreciate the nutritional value in the first 6mos-1year. But there is a difference between feeding because "it's good for the baby" and mothering through breastfeeding. A mom who sees breastfeeding as just a nutritional source is less likely to understand why anyone would want to continue after baby is on solids.

I hope that makes sense.

[Carolinamx]

I am sad to admit that I, too, was in the "I'll give bf my best try, but if it doesn't work, then that's ok". I was that way with natural child birth too. I just couldn't believe someone could give birth naturally without going through some kind of excruciating, incredibly violent and horrible process.

My dd's birth went so smoothy. I was still waiting for the REAL pain when she was born. She was put at the breast immediately. And she's spent most of her life attached to that breast, LOL. Even now at almost four, she still nurses several times a day if we're at home and also does a couple of times during the night.

I thought I'd wean at 1, when everyone at the child birth center we attended planned to wean. My ped recommended, because of a family history of allergies, to wait until two. So we did. The doctor said so. Then two came and went and I just knew dd needed it yet. Then she turned three and she declared she would stop nursing when she was four (this coincided with potty training, so she decided that that part of "babyhood" would wait another year ). Now, with her fourth birthday fastly approaching, she's kinda changing her mind, so we'll see what she comes up with. Now I know we've come so far I'm going to let her take the lead.

We do not do bf in public now either. I don't want people to tell her anything. She told her teachers last year in pre-school that she still bf and they told her she was "too old". So I marched into the school and told them that bf was between my dd and me and that they were not to tell her that again. They took it very well but I did feel they thought we were weirdos. LOL. Even though it was a very very crunchy pre-school. Hopefully this will make it easier for other little ones in that school in the future, but honestly, I've yet to meet someone in real life that's gone so long here in Mexico City.

[Embee]

I'm embarrassed to admit that before DS was born, I said to my childless SIL, "Yeah, one year and that's it. My feeling is once they can walk up and ask for it, it's time to stop." My SIL agreed wholeheartedly I'm sure. I also held the "get of BF free card" where if it was difficult, I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I quit.

Oh, it's so hard to write that. I had no IDEA what I was talking about. I had no idea how emotionally important the nursing relationship is to children (and their moms!), to say nothing of it's health benefits. I knew nothing, NOTHING, and was clearly ever so happy to express my utter ignorance.

So when people said things like this to me I simply told them: "I used to think that too, but the desparity between what I thought BF would be and the reality of what it's actually been, couldn't be more HUGE. In light of new informaton and experience, I changed my opinion and made a different choice. One I (WE!) feel really good about."

FTR, BF was initially VERY difficult. I was inverted, DS had a hard time latching, I had TONS of pain but from moment one, I realized that this was not something I wanted to give up on. And when six months had passed and I THOUGHT I'd be of so tired of it and not be able to wait to wean, I realized that quite the opposite, it seemed way too early to wean him in a mere six months time. That was when I started looking into my options and came upon CLW. It spoke to me. DS weaned himself at 4 year, 3 months. No regrets.

The best,
Em

[Ruthla]

Whenever I hear "when they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to stop" I respond with "no, if they're young enough to ask for it, they're young enough to need it!" Sometimes I'll mention my big kids and point out that they no longer ask to nurse!

I've had people ask me about nursing "big kids." I just point out that babies don't get a whole year older in a day. Every day they're just a day older than they were yesterday, and there never seems to be a set point where they're suddenly too old for something. I've answered specific questions about nursing kids with teeth and wiggly toddlers.

Mostly I advise new and expectant moms to take things one day at a time. There's no need to set a specific weaning date in advance, as you never know how you'll both feel when you get to that point.