Strong negative reaction to tandem nursing

[heatherweh]

I am familiar with all the text-book answers in that nursing while pregnant is totally safe. How it may be a "little uncomfortable" but trying to visualize rainbows might make that more bearable. I am very early in my pregnancy and nursing is making me crazy. It isn't just painful, it is amazingly irritating. It actually makes me feel all angry and out of control, like a wild animal or something. I know this isn't probably popular to admit and I do hate to admit it even to myself, but wondering if anyone else has had a very strong negative reaction to nursing while pregnant?

I had held on tandem nursing with my first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, while DS was only somewhere around 16 months old, but now that he is 25 months old I am less inclined to suffer, and it is suffering in my case, not mild discomfort. I am trying to wean as gently and expeditiously as possible, I have "How weaning happens" by LLL, so I will use that and Kelly mom as my guide and maybe MDC for support depending on how it works out.

[yarngoddess]

HUGS momma! I have had those feelings, but not strong enough to wean. I commend you for being so honest with your feelings/capabilites and knowing when to end for your sanity.

Congratulations on the pregnancy! Sending you healthy vibes!

Could you also be harboring some feelings about nursing/DS and you miscarriage? Often we think "Oh, I'm OK" when we are ANYTHING but! Maybe you need to revisit this throught process. I'm so sorry about your misscarriage- it's very difficult.

[RainRaven]

I also had these feelings when i was PG luckily for me my kids weaned them selves right around the 5th month of my pg they were both a little over 2yo. You can try not offering and DC might nurse a little less then you can pick it up again after the new baby comes

[mytwogirls]

No advice here, just want you to know I am rooting for you!!!! I wish you the very best. I think algena might have nursed while pregnant, she is a VERY good person to talk to about nursing in general. You might want to PM her, she (along with TONS of other MDC moms) has great advice. This place is a great source of comfort, as well as knowledge. Wish you the best.

[Juvysen]

I had those feelings, too... started around 20 weeks (mildly) and got worse and worse until my newborn was about 3 months old. Yuck. I swear I'll wean next time because I feel like it really damaged my relationship to my older child. She was only 9 months when I got pregnant, though, so it didn't really feel like an option until it was late enough in my pregnancy that I thought it would be too big an upset in her life along w/a new sibling.

[thewaggonerfamily]

I don't know if it helps any, but what you are feeling is totally normal. When I was pg and nursing I swear I was going to kick a hole in the floor from the latch on pain and It was soooo agitating/annoying. Visualizing rainbows? Are you kidding me? a man must have written that. Must be the same guy who wrote "Have a happy period." More like visualizing not becoming a homicidal killer. I just wanted to run away. I tandemed 4x and it was never any better or nicer. It wasn't even bearable. I have a very irritable uterus, but it never caused a miscarriage, so I wouldn't be suprised if something else caused that. (I'm so sorry for your loss.) The first time I held to the hope that the milk would change taste/go away and my nursling would wean themselves. Never happened. I was never okay with forced weaning (for us) either. I don't have any great wisdom. I wish you great blessing with whatever you decide, though.

[mamameg]

I know it seems like most here tandem nurse, but you might be surprised to know there is a less vocal, very large number of us who don't. I didn't. I wasn't up for it and I was honest with myself about my limitations. If you are unsure about it, sit on the decision and revisit it again. But if you are fairly certain you want to wean, by all means, do so. (It doesn't have to be abrupt or cruel.) Nursing as long as you have is a great accomplishment and you have given your child a lot. It's okay if you don't want to do it anymore. PM me if you want to talk more about how I gently weaned both of my toddlers when they were just over 2.

[mzfern]

I highly recommend the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing (a LLL book). You'll find support for the strong feelings you're experiencing now and even ideas for cutting back on nursing sessions with (or weaning) your toddler if that's what you need to do. Visualizing rainbows? None of that in this book. Just straight forward, been there done that, nearly-lost-my-mind-but-I-made-it-through-somehow stories and helpful ideas.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

[turtlewomyn]

No advice (dd is almost three and I can't get her to wean. i recently did have a m/c and nursing through what pregnancy I had, along with nursing through the miscarriage itself was horrible, so I completely support you in doing what you need to do now) Just hugs.
Two years of nursing is an amazing gift to give to your child. I like How Weaning Happens, hopefully their tips will work for you. I would start working on cutting back on nursing to see if it makes you feel better about nursing itself. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised at how your child reacts.
I have always said that I had no interest in tandem nursing, and with kids spaced more than two years apart, well it is really up to the individual on what they want to do.

Good luck!

[moonfirefaery]

I just wanted to chime in that children do not NEED breastmilk after age one, according to the AAP. The WHO recommends nursing to a minimum of age 2, mainly for continued immunity. Your child is 25 months old now. He no longer needs breastmilk. He continues to benefit from it, but he will be healthy and happy without it. You did well to nurse for two years, and if you decide to wean, don't feel guilty about it.

I agree that what you're feeling is normal. Once I was around 20 weeks, nursing suddenly felt very, well, weird. First of all, I could feel more eyes on me when nursing, and he really did seem old enough that he did not "need" it. But the big thing was that nursing changed the sensation in my nipples, so nursing 'tingled' in this strange way...and I did go through that "Nobody touch me!" phase. Also, my milk production began to slow, and that lowered my DS' interest in breastmilk.

If you want to wean, you can do it gently. I did. When mine was almost 2, I started offering a distraction like a hug, snuggle, or cup. Or I would just delay. I'd tell him "Not right now" or "In a minute" or "Later on, ok?" After a few weeks, I finally told him "no" flat-out. After the second time I told him no, he didn't ask anymore. No tears, no fight. Just like that. He was 25 months old exatly when he quit nursing for good. I don't regret it at all. When DS2 was born, DS1 asked to nurse, and I let him--but he didn't know what he was doing anymore, lol.

[Jennifer Z]

If it is that uncomfortable, it might be your body telling you that it isn't a good idea for you. There is no shame in weaning an almost 2 year old. You nursed far longer than most people in the US do, and I can totally understand needing it to be over with for your own sanity. Your body is busy making a whole new person, and that is a lot of work. Even though I tandemed through pregnancy, if my child wouldn't have needed it so much, I know I would have weaned. It is pretty normal to wean through pregnancy if you haven't already....look at the animal world, you don't really see tandem nursing there that I know of.

And when I say my child needed me to, I really mean it. It was very important to him, and my feelings weren't strong enough to say "enough". Had I gone through the feelings that you are coping with, the outcome would have been different.

Continuing to nurse out of guilt or obligation to a child that age can't be healthy emotionally for either of you. Give yourself a break. Life isn't about black and white "you must do this to be a good mom", it is about finding the balance so your entire family can be the happiest and healthiest possible, and the family includes mom.

[thewaggonerfamily]

I hope my post didn't give the idea that weaning isn't okay. If you need to, do it. As the others have said 25 months is plenty old enough. Although something I forgot to post is that with my older nurslings we cut way back, (since it was so miserable to me.) nursing might only be for a couple seconds/minutes at a time during the day unless he/she got hurt and needed comfort, but even then I really tried to be moving on to non-nursing comfort/love/distraction techniques. It seems like we still did a longer nursing to go to sleep and we went cold turkey on the night nursings. (DH got up with them, and there was a lot of tears, but it was the most important for me sleep and sanity-wise)

[Juvysen]

If you're good with schedules... one of my friends had a good experience with having scheduled nursing times for her daughter. So, instead of cutting it out completely, she only nursed her, say, after lunch and before bed. It gave them both a known time to expect it, so mama could prepare herself and daughter understood that it'd only be at certain times...

Just an idea, if you really want to keep going but are uncomfortable with it.

[AKfamily]

Originally Posted by mzfern

I highly recommend the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing (a LLL book). You'll find support for the strong feelings you're experiencing now and even ideas for cutting back on nursing sessions with (or weaning) your toddler if that's what you need to do. Visualizing rainbows? None of that in this book. Just straight forward, been there done that, nearly-lost-my-mind-but-I-made-it-through-somehow stories and helpful ideas.

I never would've made it through pregnancy without this book! It also left the suppored option to wean w/o guilt.

[tireesix]

I fed throughout my last pregnancy and it was so close too intolerable. I hated it.

So, this pregnancy, feeling guilty, I weaned DD2 at around 8 weeks into the pregnancy (DD2 was about 2 years 3 months) and to be honest, I am glad I did. I simply could not have coped with going through another pregnancy the way I did when pregnant with DD2, it truely felt AWFUL.

It wasn't necessarily painful, it was always at least uncomfortable, but it was a ttotal body reaction and when I say toe curling, I mean, literally, toe curling. I can't quite describe it but it was the worst thing I have felt.

So don't feel bad if you think weaning is the best thing for this pregnancy (it will also help relationship wise as well, I found myself, and I hate to admit to it, resenting every feed, getting irritable with DD1 for wanting to feed so much aaaaaaaaargh!).