"but I like to" now what???

[hipumpkins]

both my kids have tendency to push and hit each other and in normal fights I seperate them and talk to each kid.

But sometimes DD will just walk by and hurt he brother...like today they were on the porch and she squeezed his nose and kept squeezing afer I was yelling through the door, "stop stop" and I ran outside.

I sent DD off to her room b/c when you are intentionally mean that is where you need be.

She can come out whenever she is ready...so when she was finsihed she came out.

We were on the porch later discussing it and I said, "you really can not hurt your brother like that"
and she said...
"But i like to"


inside I was screaming but I said, "you still can't"

I need a better answer.

[swiesz]

sorry no help here but in the same situation. Ds#1 (5) is constantly pushing, smacking and hitting DS#2 (3)
he gets sent up to his room and talked to and says the same type things and will not stop doing it, and i do not know how to stop it
i think a lot of it is anxiety about kindergarden starting in a couple of weeks and also we have a baby ds #3 that is almost 4months.
i am hoping that in a few weeks when school starts for him and preschool for ds#2 2days a week that that will help

[MommaFox]

My ds started acting out at the beginning of summer. He doesn't have a sibling to hit and doesn't hit our kitties, but he was just acting out. Mouthing off, not listening and such. We're expecting our second son in about 8 or 9 weeks. #1son is 6, gonna be 7 in a couple weeks. Anyway, one day he was grumping about one say, not doing what he was asked, giving me the stink-eye, talking back and generally being a pain in the rear. I asked him why he was behaving that way, and he said (of course) I don' know. SO, on a whim I asked if it was because it was his last summer to be all by himself. His eyes lit up and he said "Yes! That's it!" I let him know that he'd have to get used to the idea of shareing me and dh with his brother and that being a little terror wasn't the way to go about it. So transitions can be tough for kids. Look at her situation, what is static, what is changing, then you can address the problem from there.

[aschmied]

DD does this sometimes too. I think sometimes it's because she doesn't know how to answer, as she uses this as an off hand answer to "why did you do that" in other circumstances, too. I ask that periodically when she's doing random things, not just when I'm mad, or even mostly. I just like to know what's going on in her mind.

Anyway, after being outraged internally the first several times, and probing that a bit with her, I thought about it for a while. Doing nasty things to others probably DOES feel good sometimes. There's that feeling of power, there are the sensations that might be new and exciting, and they don't have the experience yet to know all the downsides.

So, I changed my tune. The next time she gave me that answer, I said something to this effect
"Yeah, it probably did feel good. But did it feel good to T?" (No) "Did it gain you what you wanted?" (No) "Do you think that there are other ways to feel good that wouldn't have hurt T and might get you what you wanted?" (Brainstorm here.)

I admit. It took a lot of will power for me to calmly agree with my darling, wonderful 3 yo that hurting her brother probably felt good. Let's face it, though, it probably did. I remember getting some fabulous satisfaction from such things as a kid. My hope was that by accepting it, we could move on from it. It SEEMS to have worked. Not that she doesn't ever do things to people that hurt, and deliberately, but it's on the wane. She frequently will redirect her violent tendencies when she starts feeling herself get out of control, which in itself, is happening less often (although that's from other efforts.)

My 2 cts!

[hipumpkins]

Yeah, it probably did feel good. But did it feel good to T?" (No) "Did it gain you what you wanted?" (No) "Do you think that there are other ways to feel good that wouldn't have hurt T and might get you what you wanted?" (Brainstorm here.)

Awesome!! thanks you!

[angela&avery]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

"But i like to".

Im sorry, but you HAVE to see the humor in this!!! It probably is somewhat true, it can be fun to be bigger and annoy...

I probably would have chuckled and said something like "well I can see that!!" or "you like to?? !!! well thats just mean!! " (in a silly voice... I feel that this points out that what she is saying IS kind of mean, but in a non threatening way.. It points to teaching what is ok and what is not with out a lecture.... points out the absurdity of saying that you like to pinch someone, because we all know its simply not nice...), and then I would have gone on to say something like "no really, its not nice honey and it hurts and how would you feel if someone was always doing things like that to you"


Just the other day my dd(5) "locked" my ds(7) out of her room and he was soooo mad!!! but guess what he is always trying to do to her??

yep.
so all I said to him was, in a very gentle voice "Well where do you think she learned how to do that?" and he knew "from me"..


ugh!!! i love those lessons!!!! I dont think he has kicked her out of his room since....

kids really do learn when things ring home to them, so if you can point out when her feeling get hurt (or her body) by someone else and connect it to her picking on her sibling, that will help too, I think.

[Anno]

This is sooo my son! He has also said he 'likes' hitting and hurting other kids! Ugh. So glad to see what you all are saying and how you respond...so helpful to me - it gets a bit much with a new little one and a really really high energy boy.

[captain crunchy]

I would take her answer at face value and hope she takes yours at face value.

She does like some part of it -- his reaction, your reaction, the way a nose feels in her fingertips ... something... but that is not the point. There is no way to satisfy an impulse for nose squeezing other than buying her some play-dough or silly putty and letting her go to town.

I don't think it is a deep-seated issue that needs a whole lot of analyzing. I think sometimes kids like to annoy their siblings.

However, you are perfectly in line (imo) in saying, "I won't allow you to hurt your brother so you are going to need to get creative and find something else to squeeze." in a matter of fact, light (but serious) way.

[hipumpkins]

Thank you everyone!! I love coming here and getting some great objective advice.