help me pick a midwife

[dawncayden]

So I thought I was going to go with the same midwife that was there when my son was born, we will call her H. Her back up was S. So I have this great connection with H because she was the hands on attendent and was there for the majority of my labour and S was there for basically just the pushing stage, maybe a bit before. I like S a lot but don't have the same deep connection.
Both S and H were a part of the same team of midwives, but they have both gone to different teams now. H is actually an independent and often uses S as her backup still. Another good thing about her being independent is she does housecalls. BUT
Big BUT...
My good friend had her as a midwife about 8 months ago (had a m/c) and another friend of mine had her too and just had her baby last week. They were telling me that H is REALLY great, she's a great midwife, great bedside manner, really calm, totally wonderful, but she REALLY sucks at calling you back, keeping appointments because she's at a birth and basically keeping you in the know...if she can't make it to your house for your checkup, she doesn't call or anything.
I've always thought I'd use H for both of my children, I feel so comfortable with her...it kinda freaks me out to be in the hands of someone else. But it also freaks me out that I can't get a hold of her.
I haven't actually gotten her to be my midwife yet, I called 2 days ago and haven't heard back, so I'm thinking this is a bad sign.
So I could have the option of going with S, but she's working out of an office a bit too far from me. Its not really do able.
And my other option is to go to a whole new team of midwives that I'll get to know.
Writing this all out makes me feel the last one is the best option.
Thanks for reading this far

ideas?

[artparent]

well, i can only tell you that i love lehe!! at pomegranate!! go with what you can trust - i had different folks the second time, because i lived too far away from my beloved first midwife. second time i didn't actually want anyone, anyway

*

[Autumn Mama]

I absolutely loved Esther, both through a M/C and for my homebirth with DS2. She was a midwife in Nigeria in the 70's and then came to Canada, as an RN. eventually entering the midwifery scene here in 2001. She is warm, loving and always returned phonecalls and made time for questions, always on time for my home prenatal visits and post partum care was awesome too!!! :

She includes South Vancouver as her area, not sure where you are?

Good luck choosing! You'll find the right midwife!!

BTW, the personal qualities that are important to you, such as promptness and availability, should definitely be stated and inquired about, IMO, because the pregnancy and birth are YOURS, and a midwife should understand that and cater to you!!!

[IncaMama]

i think the first thing to do is to really sit down and prioritize what your needs are from a MW. and be brutally honest with yourself.

my instinct is that part of what sucks about being not called back is that you feel unimportant/dispensable/like she doesn't care. if THAT is the feeling you have, then you need to make sure you address that with her. if it's because you feel anxious about not being in control/being aware of her situation then you need to address THAT specific fear with her.

for me, i didn't really care as much about my experience w/the midwives during pregnancy. i felt like that was going along pretty well (well, minus the searing pubic symphysis pain but whatever) but that i REEEEEEALLY needed to feel comfortable with who attended the actual birth. i ended up with the most amazing and wonderful midwife for that process, ironically someone that i had never met with during appointments (i went to a freestanding birth center with a bunch of MWs)

so my advice: write down your priorities and your feelings about her behavior and make sure that those do not contradict each other. and if they do, i would ABSOLUTELY have a candid conversation with H about it. if you feel comfortable with her at your birth, i think you owe it to yourself to try to make it work.

in the meantime, you can and should look around at other practices to see if somewhere else feels better to you.

*HUG*

[wobblykate]

Don't commit to anything you're not comfortable with. That would be my advice. Shop around and make sure you're getting what you need. I had a birth center orientation the other day and they said they get back to callers within 10-20 minutes! Two days seems like a lot.

Good Luck!

[tiffani]

Hey Dawn!

I agree that you should talk to H about your concerns, and see how she responds, but also keep in mind that an independent midwife who doesn't have an "office staff" is likely going to respond to the most important calls first, and a former client who is newly pregnant again is not all that pressing, kwim? you aren't an anxious first time mom, she already knows you, you're a long way off from really needing care... she's probably just really busy. Did your friends say it was hard to get in touch with her when it really mattered? Like during labor?

if you go with a new team, you don't really know if you'll connect at all, though I think most midwives here are pretty dang good. I'd like to give a plug for Patti Thompson at Pacific Midwifery (in false creek, so kind of far from you) as she is phenomenally amazing, both for prenatal care and births.

good luck with your decision! and super excited for you!

[dawncayden]

Thank you for your thoughts,
I talked to my friend that had her for the m/c and asked if she would still go back to her considering her poor office skills and she said yes. I guess I thought she would say no, but since H is such a wonderful person and midwife, she can overlook some of the problems.
It's gotten me thinking and I will page her (apparently thats the best way to get a hold of her) and I can discuss some of my issues with her.

[flowmom]

I wouldn't call a MW unless there was a good reason, so I would expect to be called back promptly and all of my midwives have been really good about that -- even the one with no office staff. If they are a registered midwife they are getting a set amount of $$ to care for you whether or not they have office staff so IMO they should be careful of what commitments they take on.

If you have a great feeling about H, then it might be worth trying to sort it through with her. But OTOH, a PG is a long time to adjust to a new MW, so if you have a feeling that someone new might be good then I would follow that.

I had Gloria Lemay, a birth attendant, attend my second birth and it was wonderful . Actually she wasn't there during the birth, but I think she normally is . She is so warm and wise and really let the birth be the experience that my family wanted, rather than trying to shoehorn us into her procedures.

[weliveintheforest]

I would probably talk to H (I liked her too), but it wouldn't hurt to maybe make an interview appt with any other mw's close by so you can see how you feel about them.

[dawncayden]

I made an appointment with the team of midwives because I want to meet with someone and H hasn't returned any of my calls or my page. It turns out S will be working with the team in January so that would be perfect. If H calls me back, I will still consider going with her.
I have thought about Gloria L, but we can't afford anyone that isn't covered by medical as well as I would like my midwife to have hospital rights (in case) something were to go wrong. And dh is a little uncomfortable with Gloria, although if I really wanted her and we could afford her I'm sure I could change his mind. He hasn't met her or anything, just heard the 'things' and as much as I have praised her it kinda fell on deaf ears

[flowmom]

dawncayden, I understand about your dh -- mine felt the same way. She really inspires confidence when you meet her though . It's unfortunate that her services aren't covered. I just got to the point where I didn't trust registered MWs because of my previous experiences. But I know there are some great ones out there .

[anna_2]

congratulations Dawn!!!
I would recommend Patti Thompson at pacific midifery, or lehe and kat at pommegranite.

[MelW]

Piggy backing on your thread, Dawn, since you have a bunch of advice from Vancouverites...

Any opinions on Kat and Lehe's partner Janice?