Ds is having a hard time..and so am I. Ideas?

[Strong Mama]

Hi. I am a sahm to a lovely 4 1/2 year old boy. He started full time preschool on friday. He did great the first day. That was it. He is used to being at home with me, he has never stayed with anyone but me his whole life. I cannot afford private half day schools, and homeschooling is not an option for us as I do not have patience and I do not think ds or I would benefit from it. Thus, he will start kindy next year and needs to get used to school, hence preschool this year. It is a full time school, mon-fri, 8-2ish. I know all the teachers, the school is public, but small and excellent. Ds comes home from school happy and says he loves school, talks about his friends and things he learns. At about 7pm(before bed) he starts crying about how much he hates school and misses me and wants to stay home with me. I am having to be tough guy mom and say well you gotta go, sorry and stuff like that. I am trying not to let him see me being upset at all. Every morning from the time he wakes up he cries about going to school. He cries all the way to school, when we get into the classroom, the teacher engages him in something and he stops crying and I leave. I cannot stay in the class long because he starts crying again, I have to hurry up and drop him off and leave. The teacher says he does fine all day in school, participating in activities, making friends and laughing. When he gets home he is fine, but the crying in the evening starts again and the mornings are pure torture. I have to peel his fingers from the doors of the house to get him to the car. He has to go to school. This isnt an option. I need ideas please mamas, or just support or btdt. Thanks.

[Ruthla]

Could you put him in part time instead of full time?

When DS started preschool, we started with camp in the summer, and it was only 3 days per week. He had some trouble adjusting the first few days- fine in the car but crying when I dropped him off. I stayed in the hallway of the school- out of his sight but still in earshot of him, and every time he was OK after a few minutes- or I would have taken him home.

After a few days, he stopped crying when I dropped him off. Maybe by the middle of the 2nd week?

Is there any way you could ease him into preschool in a similar way? Maybe take him Mon, Wed, and Fri, and keep him home with you on Tues and Thurs, at least for a few weeks while he adjusts to not being home with you all day?

[Strong Mama]

Hi thats a great idea but unfortunatley here in GA public school is only fulltime, there is no part time at all. You have to go the fulltime or you get kicked out if you miss too many days, etc.

[kathymuggle]

I am sorry mama,

It is early still - give it some time.

I would drop in early one day (say 1 o'clock) just to make sure that he was happy in the classroom, and that you liked how the teacher ran things when you weren't around Actually, it is a good idea to do that a couple of times. At least then you will know he is unhappy because he misses you - not because he is being neglected or poorly treated.

Can your DP do the occasional drop off? I have dropped off children who did not want to be dropped off (rarely, thank goodness) and it is heart wrenching. If this is where he needs to be, see if you can get someone to share the load.

lastly - when is he waking up? I would tinker with his scheduel so he woke up at the last moment before going to preschool - less time for him to work himself up to a tizzy, so to speak. YMMV - some kids need transition time, but some kids need to get up and go.

Hang in there (we need a hang in there smilie)

Kathy

[CarrieMF]

going from being at home to school full time is hard. In the evenings he's tired, try putting him to be early. If he is going to sleep & waking up at his normal times he probably needs more sleep for a few weeks until his body adjusts.

[Papooses]

Try to make the time you have together each afternoon/evening all about family only.... Have dinner a little earlier, enjoy a kid-friendly activity together & start the bedtime routine earlier. A walk followed by a bath each night can be soothing. Make it predictable, comfortable & stress free. New habits can take a few days to a month to adapt to. If you don't have any choice but public school, just believe in yourself that you'll both work through it

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Definitely give it time. Major shifts take some adjustment on everyone's part. Make it as easy as possible on him, make sure you can focus on him as much as possible when he is home, be positive in your converstaion about school. Let him express his sadness, validate his feelings, but don't give up.

It was frequently easier for my DD to go to preschool if DH did drop off -- you might try that if possible to see if it works better. Of course, this assumes the schedule works and that you HAVE a DH.

Definitely keep goodbyes in the class short, sweet and positive. Especially if he seems happy at the end of the day.

Be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. But I am willling to bet my paycheck that it will get better soon.

ETA -- you might get a copy of "The Kissing Hand" and work on a ritual every morning. When DD when through a phase of "I don't want to go to preschool" (sobbed out in big gulps), we would read this book every morning in the car, exchange "kissing hands" at the door of her classroom. Its a cute book about a raccoon who is sad to go to school and leave his mama every night. I'm sure your library would have it if you don't want to buy it.

[lightheart]

give it time as others have said, we didn't do preschool, but did do K last year, the 1st week o 2 went fine but then he begged and begged me to stay at home, he loved school, he loved riding the bus, he love the afterschool program that he would go to every now and then, it was that early morning or right before bed that he dreaded and cried.

Today was the 5th day of 1st grade and yesterday he asked to "skip school" where he go that term from ... I had a silly answer that he could 'skip' when he turned 16! This morning he begged me while still in bed that he could saty home and "have fun" with little brother and me... then when we were walking out the door he mentioned whn he gets 16 he's going to skip school... oh the can of worms I might have opened!!!!....

I think with us, I think a bunch of it has to do with bedtime. He's never really had one other than during the school year last year and for waking up, most days during the summer and before he started K he would get up when he wanted to get up or else we would take him directly from bed to his car seat where he would get to sleep another hour or so before we got anywhere because we live pretty rural. He took a nap when he wanted one for the most part. Now he's on a schedule and I think tht is the biggest thing, making his body function at a set time instead of letting his body choose when to do things.

Don't give up quite yet. Hugs to you and your son!

[Strong Mama]

Hi I thought I would give a small update. Its been a week now, he is still crying in the mornings before school somewhat, but when we get to school he is fine and when I pick him up he is very happy and talks about his friends and different things involving school. SO it is very very slowly getting better. Thanks for all the nice tips!: