4 1/2 year old is bossy, and not listening

[chkpea]

and I don't know what to do. I know that sounds really weak. I work full time. He has just been very challenging at the end of the day. He won't listen and pretty much does what he wants...."walking all over me" I believe is a term that would be used. If I insist on him following through on something that he doesn't want to do he yells at me. I know sleep is a bit out of wack. Also, I am so tired to deal with it at times that I just let it go, which is not a good way to deal with it at all. Are there any book recommendations that anyone can suggest? I need to gain back the respect that I once had. I know that he would nap every day if we asked him too but then he would be up til late. I think we need to get his bedtime schedule back on track too. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[isisreturning]

my ds is the same way. you mentioned you work full time. i think my ds just misses me real bad during the day and needs to connect with me for at least a half hour when we both get home. it feels difficult to just sit and listen to him and hug him when we first walk in the door when dh and i are also busy trying to get dinner on the table and deal with our toddler dd. but without that connection, he is a bear - he won't do anything i ask, dawdles, argues incessantly and that trend continues up to and including bedtime.

[Lola'smommy]

I'm having the same problems with my 5 yr old daughter. I know at the end of last school year she was going through this and I started putting her to bed by 7/7:30. That was without a nap. If she took a nap then she'd stay up until 10/11 before we could get her to go to sleep. The extra sleep really helped then. Now that school has started again I'm trying to get back to that schedule. I had hoped the time away from me while she was in school might help as well (I'm at home durning the day), but hasn't so far. She's way out of control. Very disrespectful and rude to me at all times of the day and for all sorts of reasons. Fortunately she is very respectful to others, her teachers, friends, other parents/adults, it just seems to be me and every once in a while, her dad or little sister. Since she turned 3 she's gone through phases like this but this is the worst one yet. I have never experienced this with siblings or friends so I don't even begin to know how to handle it. Apparentaly I'm not doing it right so basically I just wanted to say I feel your pain and hope it gets better soon.

[Beth F]

If our 4.5yo ds is tired, thirsty, or hungry, he's the same way.

[famousmockngbrd]

I'm settling down in my armchair now - be warned.

I think it's important to teach kids how to express their emotions. Right now, you are their dumping ground for all their bad feelings. I don't know why that is, you could probably figure that out better than me. But, that doesn't mean you have to take abuse. You are being a good role model to your children if you show them how to gently refuse to be insulted, spoken harshly to, etc. i.e, "It's OK to be sad or angry or whatever - here are the words you can use to tell me that." "I'm angry at you because you said you'd take me for ice cream an hour ago and we're still here at the grocery store." etc.

With 3 y.o. DD, I often say, "It's hard for me to listen to you when you talk like that. Use your regular voice." "I can't listen to you when you're screaming." "When you calm down, I can hear your words much better," etc. It kind of makes me laugh to read it typed out like that. But, it does seem to help us.


To help foster good feelings between you two, I am a big fan of spending 20 minutes a day doing nothing but paying attention to him. Try not to think about anything else, just be engaged with your DC. You might be surprised how hard this is! But it really helps strengthen the connection between the two of you, that is the basis for all successful discipline.

[Surfacing]

:

[Treasuremapper]

I am on a number of parenting boards, and almost all of them have threads about four and a half year olds acting this way. I wonder if it is a trend?

I'm a sahm, homeschooling, and my four and a half year old has tested the outer limits of my patience. Repeatedly.

So I"m here to take notes, but I am also wondering if this is some developmental stage?

[amis2girls]

I'm very much going through this with my 4.5 yo. Sometimes she is the sweetest child ever, and others :

I have to keep working with her to use words instead of physical force. Her poor sisters.

[mags]

Maybe it's just me, but I've always thought that this was kind of, "normal" behavior for kids this age. My son is 4.5, he knows how to push my buttons, his mind is going a mile a minute. He knows what he wants, can usually communicate it, and gets upset when he wants something and can't (isn't allowed) to have it. They are testing their limits.

For my son, if he's tired, hungry or bored, he acts up. I notice too that if I take the time to get down on his level and really listen to him, his reaction during these times are less turbulent and I can better figure out how to make him happy. I like the book, the five love languages of children. You need to figure out what your child's love language is and fill that void when they start to act up. My 4.5 yr old cherishes 1-1 time with me. He has a little brother, so I often split my time btwn both children. I like to take my kids out separately for outings/errands sometimes, just to re-connect with them individually and they think it is so special to have me all to themselves. Same goes with my DH, b/c I'll leave the other child with my DH and then they get 1-1 time together. Just sitting down and reading a book together or playing a board game together also helps to take my son out of these funky moods. I think many times, when he acts out, he is attn seeking, and it reminds me I need to spend more 1-1 time with him doing specific activities together.

Also, you make good points about sleep and food. If he isn't getting enough sleep, re-adjust his bedtime. He could also be sensitive to something in his diet. My oldest son is very sensitive to sugar and dyes, so we avoid those types of food if at all possible.