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any first timers afraid?

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Are any of the first timers out there nervous???
About the birth process, or the huge change in lifestyle and/or body (will it bounce back?), about getting back in shape, about having no free time, about going back to work, taking time off work or anything else, a whole new level of stress/ commitment in our relationships (not just us anymore!)?

I'm generally too happy and excited to feel nervous but occasionally I have a moment where I realize how my world is about to get totally rocked... for instance... friends and I are (errrr..... were) planning a backpacking trip into some remote mountain lakes next summer... ummm, baby in a backpack?? Maybe not!
Or.... I looked at the thread about what kind of diapers people are planning on using and I suddenly realized... diapers? holy @#$, I'm going to need those aren't I? I don't even know how to USE a diaper!

Scared isn't really the right word... I just know that I really have no idea what I'm doing and I'll just be figuring it out as I go!... and that sounds awesome, but a little scary too

(Experienced mamas are welcome to join in here too as you all know what I'm talking about from both the before and after side! )
post #2 of 24

first time and afraid... I sure am!

I am very scared, nervous and at times excited. My husband and I were not trying (and not preventing it), but had the attitude that when it happens it happens and here i am almost 7 wks. I have no clue what i am doing, thankfully reading some threads has helped me. I know my life is changing drastically, and that every new mother to be goes through these challenges, but geez i had no clue how hard it would be. I was a : and lived a carefree music festival, beer making lifestyle. I am the first friend locally that is pregnant, or married for that matter, so i feel especially alone. Its nice to know there is a place for support like this.
post #3 of 24
Yep. The whole nine yards. Probably the thing that worries me most is the money issue. That and making sure we still have time to play/perform. It's a very big deal for DH. Also, Sometimes I feel like I'm now going to have 2 babies. DH tries, but he's generally not helpful with things that are stressful, so I tend to just not share. I know he survived for 21 years before meeting me, but he seems to have regressed somewhat and forgotten how to do some things on his own. *sigh*
post #4 of 24
My first born was in the hospital and I had no *clue* what I was doing. He pooped for the first time and it was the meconium poop (FYI, tell partner they have to change the first diaper) and I freaked out. The first poop is AWFUL. I didn't know what to do so I called the nurse in. I said "What the hell IS that?!" She, not unkindly, said, "Well, it's poop." I said, "I KNOW it's poop, but oh my God! Is that really what this is going to be like?! I don't even know how to change a diaper!" She just laughed and explained that the first poop is a monster of it's own and then directed me in changing my first diaper ever. I know now that she was probably thinking "First time mom!"
post #5 of 24
With my DS, seriously, the first thing I thought when the digital said "pregnant," was "Oh, God, I have to go through labor." And look...I survived, and I'm even doing it again. I must be insane.
post #6 of 24
yeah...i've been through this twice. and right now, i gotta say i'm a little scared of what's ahead. LOL
post #7 of 24
First, I think it's beyond completely normal to be freaked out right now. At least that's what I keep telling myself!
Quote:
About the birth process, or the huge change in lifestyle and/or body (will it bounce back?), about getting back in shape, about having no free time, about going back to work, taking time off work or anything else, a whole new level of stress/ commitment in our relationships (not just us anymore!)?
I think my DH is more feeling this way than me. The thing I'm most worried about, and I'm ashamed to admit this, is my body post-babies. Yes, I'd do anything to bring these babies into the world safely and I KNOW the most important thing here is THEM and I'm KNOW I'm so blessed to be pregnant after dealing w/years of infertility. But there is a part of me that knows I'm going to hit a number on the scale that I never dreamed I'd ever hit. I'm worried about what my body will look like and sag to. Like I said, I'm ashamed I feel this way but I do
However, as much as it freaks me out, I'd do it many times over to bring my twins safely into this world!!!
post #8 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by *bebe View Post
First, I think it's beyond completely normal to be freaked out right now. At least that's what I keep telling myself!
I think my DH is more feeling this way than me. The thing I'm most worried about, and I'm ashamed to admit this, is my body post-babies. Yes, I'd do anything to bring these babies into the world safely and I KNOW the most important thing here is THEM and I'm KNOW I'm so blessed to be pregnant after dealing w/years of infertility. But there is a part of me that knows I'm going to hit a number on the scale that I never dreamed I'd ever hit. I'm worried about what my body will look like and sag to. Like I said, I'm ashamed I feel this way but I do
However, as much as it freaks me out, I'd do it many times over to bring my twins safely into this world!!!
Don't feel ashamed...we're all thinking it on one level or another.
post #9 of 24
I feel your pain my DD is 2 1/2 and we are expecting twins in April! Talk about scared!!! The only thing I can say it is all worth it!!!!!! I know it's hard to understand now...but trust me!!! Everything will work out, it always does!!!
post #10 of 24
Thank you ladies. I don't feel quite as horrible now.
post #11 of 24
don't be scared. i know it is easier said than done, but please try.
whatever your circumstances are you will be able to deal with them. for sure. While I carried ds, my 1st baby, I was so scared and worried about how hard mothering was going to be it was about all i could think of. i was dreading sleepless nights and overwhelmed by the realization that i would no longer have the freedom to be spontaneous and do things and go places on a whim and etc. I really imagined that mothering a baby was going to be the hardest job i could imagine. i mean, we planned ds and he was always much wanted but i was definitely scared. and then my darling ds was born and being his mother was the most natural thing i have ever done (i mean, i called grandma to come and help with the 1st bath and i had questions etc but not any trouble) and i never felt inconvenienced or bothered and i dont think we had any sleepless nights. the 1st night we came home from the hospital was the day my milk had come in and we had a frustrating time with both of us crying because my boobs were rock hard and he couldnt make it work because i didnt know i needed to express some first to relieve the engorgement. we figured it out quickly, tho and i am pretty sure this is the only time he ever cried because he was hungry. i was amazed to find out that i would naturally awaken in the night and look at my newborn sweetie in his bassinet by my bed just as he opened his eyes. he would start to make a little sucky face and id pick him up and nurse him back to sleep. he didnt cry because he was hungry because we were so in tune that it never got to that point. and soon i realized he was safe in my bed and so we could nurse at night without even really waking up. this whole mothering thing i had imagined as so hard was easy and flowed and we were all good. He had grandmas and aunts begging to watch him telling me to go out but i never wanted to leave him. i dont think i ever missed out on wanting to do something or spontaneity tho i imagined i would. we stayed home and later went on excursions for fun but i was just so in love with him that there was nowhere else i wanted to be than with him. so all that worry was unwarranted.

btw- wrt fears about bodies returning to normal: when ds was born i weighed 181 lbs. when he was not yet a year old i weighed just under 130, which had historically been my weight. when he was 18 months i weighed just under 120, lighter than i had ever been as an adult, and my weight stayed there. my tummy was totally flat and it never had been before, lol. this happened without my ever dieting or trying to lose the weight -it just naturally came off.
i worried about stretch marks, too, and they werent a problem. i have some across the back of my hips and my thighs but they are basically invisible and dont bother me at all.

just generally when some situation arises which causes me to worry and stress i have found somehow the situation changes or a solution presents itself out of the blue. so i have learned not to worry and to know that everything will work out and be okay and that no matter the situation, worries dont help they just make me unneccessarily miserable. when they start to take over i hear bob marley as guru preaching the mantra "dont worry about a thing; every little thing is gonna be alright."
post #12 of 24

First baby too

I am a little bit scared too because this is my first baby but my neighbor who has three children has been aweosome. she has given me like ten books to read about pregnancy and labor. i feel so much more confident now that i know and have all of this abundant information. i think i have already read six books and i am only ten weeks. i don't know what i am going to do if i run out of books to read...lol!
post #13 of 24
I can definately understand the being scared or nervous part. I was 19 when I was pg the first time and I knew nothing! I was another first time mom who had to be shown how to change a diaper in the hospital. I was terrified after he was born that I would not know what to do at all and mess everything up from day one. This didn't happen, but I was on the phone with my Mom like 2-3 times a day for like the first month of his life!

Labor and delivery weren't anywhere near as big a deal as it had been made out to be, and I was actually very pleasantly surprised that the real deal didn't live up to the hype. Not that it was a walk in the park, but I totally figured that I would be in so much agony that I wouldn't be able to do anything but scream the whole time (like you see in movies and on tv) and that soooooo wasn't the case at all!

Just trust in your body that it will know what to do and that you can absolutely handle whatever comes your way. Your body was made for this after all.
post #14 of 24
I am scared every day -- and generally life doesn't scare me.
My mom said, "there's nothing to be afraid of."
Well. I beg to differ.

I'm more worried, I guess of everything that can and will happen. And the best way I can describe it is "scared," as well.

I am up for the challenge, however, and I plan to take everything in stride and lean on my husband as much as possible. It's hard for me to do that, too, because I am a control freak.

The Internet has been invaluable for learning and I do feel rather educated about most things and I know I can always look other things up as they happen. What a safety net for me!

This should be veeeerrrryyyy interesting.
post #15 of 24
You can also ask any questions here, DDC's can be a very good way of getting info on the things that are most important/concerning to you.
post #16 of 24
I was definitely scared when pg with DD (now 15 months old) - not so much about labor, but about how our lives would change, whether I'd ever be able to do the things I loved again (or for a long time), how I'd deal with going back to work, how it would affect DH's and my relationship, about what kind of mother I'd be and all that I didn't know... the list goes on.

I think it's perfectly normal to be scared/nervous now, and even after the baby arrives. The reality is that it IS a big change, and different aspects are harder or easier for different women to deal with. You need to cut yourself some slack both now and also after the birth (the first couple months can be pretty surreal) but also trust in yourself, and trust that you WILL learn what you need as you go, and you're totally capable of doing this.

I remember a week or two after DD was born, walking around outside on a quick errand, literally around the block to the drugstore while my mom watched DD - my first 15 minutes or so without her - and looking at all the people walking around the city doing their normal things, and I couldnt' believe how they could just have normal lives like that. I was convinced that mine would never be the same again. In some ways, it isn't - but all in good ways, since I can't believe how much DD has enriched our lives. But I also hit a point a few months into it where I realized I was "back to normal" at least in a sense, and could conceive of getting multiple things done in a day, and working, and juggling motherhood with other parts of my identity. But you have to give yourself time. I think it's good for both parents to be prepared to expect a huge change, and to think about their own relationship too - and to continue to make time for it - but in a lot of ways you can't really know what the specific challenges will be for you or how you'll deal with them, since they're different for every mother and every baby. You just have to trust that you'll be able to deal with them, and that you're strong enough - not just for labor, but for all the responsibility that follows.

On your question about hiking, btw - I wouldn't rule it out completely! maybe not a long backpack trip to remote lakes, but I actually got some great hiking in in Colorado when DD was two months old. She was snuggled in the ergo, and would sleep there happily for several hours on DH or me as we hiked some pretty rugged terrain. I have friends who were more adventurous than me and did do camping, longer backpacking, etc, with an infant and it went OK. I liked the comfort of having a house to come back to, but I did find that the infant stage was a very portable time, and it wasn't impossible to get out and do things outside that I loved.

Finally, I wanted to say that this is my second, and in some ways I'm still terrified! Things are so good with DD, that I sometimes wonder what i"m doing adding a second to the mix. And how crazy will it be going through the newborn stage this time with a not-quite-two-year-old (with very high energy!) who needs to be looked after? It also raises a lot more questions for me about work and finances and possible changes. THere are all kinds of things to be nervous about, but I just have to trust that this is something that feels right for our family, and that DH and I will be prepared to handle it - and will learn as we go - the same way we did with DD. Also, that it's OK to make mistakes- all parents do - and you just learn from them...
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by shantiani View Post
Are any of the first timers out there nervous???
it's my third and i'm nervous! sure i look fwd to a lot of things... but it's scary too! birth, newborn, nursing... having a baby in the house again. all the many unknowns. heck yeah I'm nervous!!
post #18 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by ms.shell View Post
don't be scared. i know it is easier said than done, but please try.
whatever your circumstances are you will be able to deal with them.
Thanks for posting that. This is kind of what I figure it'll be like. There will be frustrating spots, but we'll figure something out, and move along. I figure no first time mothers is a mother before her child actually arrives, and figuring it out as you go along is part of it. I'm flexible. I have good resources, which is why we waited until now to have kids. We've been setting ourselves up for this for a long time, and now it just feels right.

Am I nervous? Yes, of course. But I'm not seriously scared. It's not keeping me up at night (at least not yet). I've known real fear, and this isn't it.

My biggest fear? The teenage years. Seriously. That's my biggest fear. Hopefully if I get this right, it wont be as bad as I remember it being (maybe by actually parenting my child as it grows up, some of the horribleness of being a teenager that I had dealt with wont be an issue).
post #19 of 24
For sure!

But some days it's more overwhelming than others. Most days.... I even forget that I'm expecting! I feel so great (aside from the occasional want-to-fall-flat-on-my-face-exhaustion and difficulty buttoning my jeans).

Lately, I've had more overwhelmed days than usual.... and it's exploding ALL OVER MY FACE. That's one thing that's always been my unavoidable problem.... and the reason why I'm usually really diligent about managing my stress.... If I don't cope with things the right way, then the stress shows up on my face. UGH
:
I'm sure that I've been experiencing some sort of surge in hormones over the last week which has sent me reeling.

My fear sits mostly in the thought of managing work with family (and thus money).... I'm a 50+ hour a week junky, so working less hours will result in less moolah. I'm kind of certain that my priorities will naturally shift to wanting to be home more. I also see that so many other couples are able to "make it work" - so I try not to fixate on how difficult it may be. We'll make our plans and then head it that direction.

The rest of "stuff" like changing diapers and all things baby care... I've taken notes and helped out with first hand for years. The 2nd oldest of MANY cousins.... spending 2 weeks with my aunt when her twins were 4 weeks old (helping with nighttime feedings and napping during the day to catch up on my sleep... and I was 19!). I'm more nervous about the concept of the baby being MINE and DH's and no having one else to drop the baby off with when we're done playing. Making the decisions and mistakes and working together.

I'm betting that the Beatles were right....

"All you need is love....."
post #20 of 24
I'm not scared...and THAT scares me!
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