My DD does this unusual 'pose' on tables and furniture

[janasmama]

Ever since my dd (now almost 4) has been able to walk she had done this unusual pose on tables, furniture and any other piece of furniture that seems to be the right heighth.

What she does is press her body against it while lifting herself up. So, essentially, her feet are not holding her weight and her pubic area is pressed against the furniture.

Awhile when she was able to communicate with words I asked her why she did it. She tells me b/c it feels good and tells me that it feels good on her clitoral area.

I find this a bit annoying. I know a lot of people don't have issues with children experiencing their genitalia but for undisclosed reasons, I do have boundaries. It's obviously not a huge deal but she has been doing it for so long and it's a daily thing...I don't think she's going to stop anytime soon. And I wonder what she will find to press herself up against as she grows taller. As of now, I tell her she can go in her room and do it.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a child that did/does something similar to this and what their experience was.

Even if you haven't and you have any insight, please share.

[whalemilk]

I don't think it's bad to have boundaries and I don't think you need to feel skittish about admitting you have them, disclosed or not. Just FTR.

At that age I think I would do basically what you say you are doing, gently tell her that while it's not bad to enjoy that feeling, it's something that should be enjoyed in privacy. So she needs to take it to her room. And I'd just consistently remind her every time it happened again. Because while it is totally normal, it's also socially considered very rude and I think it's totally appropriate to teach a child how to behave in a socially acceptable way.

I kind of sense from the tone of your post that you're afraid people will accuse you of stifling her or something and you want to make sure it's OK to enforce a boundary, right? Personally I think it's perfectly OK to enforce that boundary and that in fact it's doing our kids a favor when we gently remind them of what is socially acceptable and what is not.

[janasmama]

eh, I'm not really worried about people being concerned with my boundaries. I just put that out there to avoid the possible posts that might contain the contents of people who are okay with this sort of scenario b/c it's not what I'm looking for.

[milkybean]

I think it's very normal, especially b/c my 4 year old son does just about the same thing. They do it b/c it feels good. I think it's pretty simple from their point of view.

But when DS is doing it, I ask him to get his bits and pieces (even if they are covered) off the table or chair or tv stand, and he generally does, and he goes on with his day. Same with hands down his pants, I ask him to go some place private, and that he doesn't need to show me what he's doing.

I will share that if my son were a girl, I would have a bigger problem with it, and I do not know why.

[whalemilk]

Huh, that's interesting. Just from my own experience, the time it really, REALLY annoyed me was when I babysat a male cousin who would actually pull his stuff out and rest it on the couch where I was sitting. Zounds. That was very uncomfortable and I had trouble staying calm asking him to put it away and do something else. Other times I've just felt like eh, kids don't know any better and had no trouble staying calm about asking them to take it elsewhere.

[fek&fuzz]

My brother used to lie down on the floor a lot - like at the mall, in restaurants, any store we were in - on his belly, for essentially the same reason. He was probably 5 or 6. He outgrew it (well, or figured out better ways to deal with it as he got older.)

It's good that you recognize that it is your own issue that you have with this. You ask her to do it in private, and you can try to figure out ways that you can work through your own issues so that as she grows you aren't trying to control what she does with her own body because of your triggers you may have.

[whalemilk]

I don't see this as the OP trying to control someone else's body, though, more as an issue of teaching what behaviors are socially acceptable. It's generally not considered acceptable to self-stimulate on someone's coffee table, or on the subway, or in a grocery store. It's just teaching a social skill to redirect this to a private location.

[fek&fuzz]

Originally Posted by whalemilk

I don't see this as the OP trying to control someone else's body, though, more as an issue of teaching what behaviors are socially acceptable. It's generally not considered acceptable to self-stimulate on someone's coffee table, or on the subway, or in a grocery store. It's just teaching a social skill to redirect this to a private location.

I think the OP's second post (not to talk about you in the 3rd person) led me to believe she did not want this behavior to occur. Specifically this part:

avoid the possible posts that might contain the contents of people who are okay with this sort of scenario b/c it's not what I'm looking for.

[MusicianDad]

Real easy...

"I know it feels good, but it's private and you should do it in your room."

You just don't want to make a huge deal about it, just a gentle reminder that it's private.

[janasmama]

Originally Posted by whalemilk

I don't see this as the OP trying to control someone else's body, though, more as an issue of teaching what behaviors are socially acceptable. It's generally not considered acceptable to self-stimulate on someone's coffee table, or on the subway, or in a grocery store. It's just teaching a social skill to redirect this to a private location.

LOL! at all self-stimulating in various places. Yeah, sometimes she does it during sunday school on the kids table.

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

I think the OP's second post (not to talk about you in the 3rd person) led me to believe she did not want this behavior to occur. Specifically this part:

It is annoying but I'm not bent on stopping it...I pick my battles and this isn't one of them. Like I said, some people are okay with this and I just posted with the intention to notify other posters that an answer of "This is normal and age appropriate, what's wrong with them doing it?" wasn't okay for me.

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Real easy...

"I know it feels good, but it's private and you should do it in your room."

You just don't want to make a huge deal about it, just a gentle reminder that it's private.

We do ask her to go to her room...and we don't make a big deal about it.

I had just never seen any other child do this sort of thing and I've always wondered about it. At least some other people say their LO's do something similar too.

[textbookcase]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Real easy...

"I know it feels good, but it's private and you should do it in your room."

You just don't want to make a huge deal about it, just a gentle reminder that it's private.

I agree with this.

[amcal]

I absolutely think it's ok to put boundaries on this type of behavior.

I worked in a school and it wasn't unusual for children (especially girls) to self stimulate on the corners of the desks.

I think it's a really good idea to teach that this is a private activity.

[fek&fuzz]

Originally Posted by janasmama

...
It is annoying but I'm not bent on stopping it...I pick my battles and this isn't one of them. Like I said, some people are okay with this and I just posted with the intention to notify other posters that an answer of "This is normal and age appropriate, what's wrong with them doing it?" wasn't okay for me.


....

I'm confused. What kind of answer are you looking for? Just that other people's kids do it, too and they tell them to go in private? or that they are not ok with it and tell them to stop?

[MusicianDad]

It's a common occurance for boys and girls.

It is age appropriate, it's also age appropriate to remind her about privacy. I think people's worry is that they think you want her to stop all together and they are reacting out of worry for your dd. I'm sure there are a lot of people here who were punished in some way for doing this even in private as children and they remember how it affected them so they worry.

ANYWAY!!!!

We do ask her to go to her room...and we don't make a big deal about it.

As long as your not saying it like she's in trouble, then it sounds like you're handling it well. Just remember, she is only four, so it may take sometime for her to consistently remember to go to her room.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz

I'm confused. What kind of answer are you looking for? Just that other people's kids do it, too and they tell them to go in private? or that they are not ok with it and tell them to stop?

Maybe she's looking for a little assurance that this is normal. That it's ok to just ask her to do it in private.

Lots of people share parenting issues that make them feel uncomfortable or challenge their boundaries and are just looking for a little reassurance or experiences from other parents who have been there.

I think what she was saying is she doesn't want someone to just say "It's perfectly fine and you should let her do it anywhere and everywhere she wants to do it" because it conflicts with a personal boundary she has.

[janasmama]

fek&fuzz -

Originally Posted by janasmama

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a child that did/does something similar to this and what their experience was.

Even if you haven't and you have any insight, please share.

Yeah, I was just wondering if other people's kids were doing it.

My dd has just done it for so long and I saw her do it again today I just thought I'd find out if other 4 y.o.'s were doing it too.

I certainly wouldn't want her doing it at school...but I'm sure she will if she's still doing it now.

[MusicianDad]

I certainly wouldn't want her doing it at school...but I'm sure she will if she's still doing it now.

Unless you teach her about privacy.

[janasmama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Unless you teach her about privacy.

You're right. I guess I need to expand on the private thing a little bit more since she's going to start preschool.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by janasmama

You're right. I guess I need to expand on the private thing a little bit more since she's going to start preschool.

I'm sure you'll have the best behaved preschooler there.

[MommaFox]

Oh, the things kids do! I caught ds (6) at some play in the tub with one of his rubber ducks the other night. I asked him why he was doing it, he shrugged and blushed. I asked him if he was doing it b/c it felt good, and he blushed very, very deeply.
Just make gentle reminders that this is a private activity and if she'd like to continue, to please carry on in her room. I still have to remind my son that he needn't walk around grabbing himself. I ask him if he's afraid someone's going to steal it. He lets go and says "No!" I remind him that if he'd like to do that, do it in his room.