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new mom to be, not too scared of what's to come, but terrified of what might not come!!!  

post #1 of 21
8/15/08 at 3:57pm
Thread Starter 
I am new to this site, and just found out this past weekend that I am actually… really…. PREGNANT!!! I am so glad to have found a place where I can share my thoughts and joy with other mom’s to be. Though, for some reason I can’t let myself be excited. I keep hearing my doctor’s voice… “one in five lose it”… and I feel like I’m going crazy. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. With different health issues that run in my family (endometriosis, etc), along with my own problems on top of it… (cysts, depression, IBS) I was beginning to think that it just wasn’t possible. I’ve been with my boyfriend (sorry, I don’t know the abbreviations yet) for eight years and never once had an “uh oh” moment. But now I’m really actually pregnant, about five weeks to be exact, AND SCARED TO DEATH OF WAKING UP AND NOT BEING PREGNANT ANYMORE! Any time I feel any “wetness” down below, I run to the bathroom to make sure I’m not bleeding. I wish I could push the fast forward button and get through the next two months really fast so I could stop freaking out!!! I hate feeling like this! This year has been the absolute worst year for me, with something new and horrible happening each month since January, and I feel like this pregnancy is too good to be true for this year. I’m doing everything that I think I should be doing and nothing that I shouldn’t. I stopped drinking coffee, hardly ever have pop, I hardly ever drank alcohol before so that was easy to cross out, and now I’m eating healthier, taking the vitamins and getting enough sleep… but I know it could happen even with doing all of the above. How could I think so negatively, why can’t I be happy, what the hell is wrong with me??? HELP, AM I ALONE???
post #2 of 21
8/15/08 at 4:07pm
Breathe.

If you think it will make you feel better, buy a bunch of inexpensive tests and do one once a week.
post #3 of 21
8/15/08 at 4:14pm
That doctor's an ass. Plain and simple. Why the heck do they say that kind of stuff. It makes it impossible for you to enjoy it or relax. Try and remember that your likelihood of bringing this child to term is so much higher than your likelihood of loosing it.
post #4 of 21
8/15/08 at 4:21pm
congrats!!! and i was the same way. i checked after i wiped for the entire pregnancy! but i also rented a fetal heart monitor (doppler) and that saved my sanity. it was relatively cheap and i rented it until i could feel the baby move. maybe you could look into that? i don't think it'll pick up just yet as you're early, but it did help me out a lot.
post #5 of 21
8/15/08 at 6:08pm
Aww, mama, I know how you feel! You described exactly how I felt when I was pregnant with DS1. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was so scared. But one thing I learned (and this will be my third baby) is that worrying does not help one bit. It doesn't change anything. So I know this is WAY easier said than done, but try to enjoy your pregnancy moment by moment. Take care of yourself, and you'll be taking care of baby. Every time you feel those negative thoughts coming on, acknowledge them, but then add one positive thought. Don't let fear prevent you from experiencing this sacred journey.
post #6 of 21
8/15/08 at 6:23pm
I remember feeling just like you when I was pregnant with DS. I'd run to the bathroom to check for bleeding and worry constantly. At my 9 wk appointment, I refused to look at the u/s screen because I just "knew" there would be no baby. Then I heard this wonderful sound, and my DH goes "Look at the screen" and there was his little heart beating away with his arms waving and legs kicking. It didn't stop me from worrying and I worried through my whole pregnancy.

Now that I am pregnant again, I am trying to relax more, but it is hard.

You aren't alone in your feelings. Just breathe deep and remember that this time will pass all too quickly, and you'll be up 6 times a night wishing you were "just" pregnant again.
post #7 of 21
8/15/08 at 6:26pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much, I about cried to hear I am not the only one to ever feel this way! I really needed to hear it from other Mom's, family members always tell you the things they want you to hear because they love you, but sometimes you need to hear the truth from people that have no reason to lie, even if it's the same thing said before. I know it's out of my hands for the most part. It's funny, I'm not much of a religous person, though I am very spiritual, I don't really pray too much, I let things be what they are going to be... but I have been praying everyday since Monday, go figure! lol!

Thanks again, I really just needed to hear it from you guys... much love!!!
post #8 of 21
8/15/08 at 6:29pm
You know, this is time 5 for me and I still get that panic felling sometimes.

Congrats!
post #9 of 21
8/15/08 at 6:32pm
i was so worried when i went in for my blood work that the results would come back negative and that somehow those 5 tests i took were all evaps! congrats!!!! the feeling is normal btw..
post #10 of 21
8/18/08 at 11:49am
Thread Starter 
I am so greatful for the support of this site and all of you that are part of it. I can't help but feel guilty though for those poor moma's who have lived my worst fear!!!
post #11 of 21
8/18/08 at 3:45pm
I can speak as someone who has gone through your worst fear and I'm here again because I got pregnant on my first try after the m/c. Your feelings are absolutely normal! Everyone feels that way! I have learned the tough way though that really it is completely out of our hands and its in God's hands now. I am not very religious either, but am very spiritual and have become more religious to an extent through this whole process as well. I do promise that there isn't anything that you can do personally besides take care of yourself and have faith!! We are all here for you

Michelle
post #12 of 21
8/18/08 at 8:54pm

If it's all going to end anyway, enjoy it while it lasts... :-)

To be honest, the folks who claim to never have any of those fears drive me up the wall. These things happen, and I think pretending they don't worry you is a mistake.

So having been on both sides of the fence, so to speak, with a miscarriage, a beautiful healthy pregnancy, and a failed adoption all in my past, my word of wisdom is to just enjoy being pregnant as best you can - even if you're worried about it, wake up each day and enjoy that one day of being pregnant, even if in the back of your head you're convinced that it will all fall through tomorrow.

And once you're past that first-trimester-worry stage (I'm there too right now!) then make up for it by bonding with the baby in your thoughts, and preparing for the baby. With my daughter, I didn't prepare a nursery or anything because I was sure something would go wrong (I'd had a M/C previously). I didn't get an U/S, didn't know her gender, and personally, I think that made me even more distant, and then I had a hard labor and was emotionally and physically exhausted for a few weeks after she was born. The combination of it all meant that it took me a couple of months to really enjoy having a baby at all, and a few months more before I fell in love, because I wouldn't LET myself get excited beforehand.

With my (failed) adoption, I met our little boy and fell in love at once. I got a space ready, I talked to my daughter about her little brother. I made plans. I was happy and excited. And then it fell through, and it was all over. And you know, it hurt so badly, but it wasn't emotionally any _more_ painful than if I'd distanced myself, and I got the fun of anticipation and bonding in the meantime, and that was worth something too.
post #13 of 21
8/19/08 at 12:20pm

You are not the only one to worry. But that 1 in 5 statistic is from conception on, I think. By the time you are at 5 weeks that statistic is much lower. A lot of the 1 in 5 are people that have a m/c around the time they would have had their period, around 4 weeks, anyway - those are what my two m/c were. So since you are already past that hurdle you can breathe one big sigh of relief. There are still people who have m/c after 5 weeks, but it is *much* lower than 1 in 5. I'm not sure what exactly, but much lower. Shame on that doctor for scaring you like that! Especially to a first time Mom!

So elcome and congrats momma!

Edited to add: OK, so I looked up statistics about miscarriage here and found that at 3-6 weeks gestation (I guess 5-8 weeks from LMP?) miscarriage is at 10% (1 in 10), and at 6-12 weeks (8-14 wks from LMP?) gestation miscarriage is at 5% (1 in 20) or lower if heartbeat is heard.
So, yes, there is still a chance, but it is much lower than 1 in 5 at 5 weeks, it's 1 in 10. And a couple weeks from now it'll be 1 in 20 or lower if you've heard the heartbeat. momma.
post #14 of 21
8/23/08 at 3:03pm
Someone wrote about a fetal heart monitor for rent, where can I find something like that and is it useful for week 8 and on?...I have not been to the doctors yet because they wont see me till I am between 9-13 weeks and I am scared and anxious and emotional as hell...what is one to do? Are there midwives and doctors that WILL see expectant mothers before that time frame? Has anyone else been told "we dont want to see you yet"? It stinks and feels very lonely. And I have NO idea how to get all the cute little characters on for a signature...maybe that could be a distraction for the next 4 weeks!
post #15 of 21
8/23/08 at 4:00pm
you won't be able to hear anything with a doppler until around 10 weeks or so..and i think most places need a doctor's approval to rent, but i could be wrong with that of course...

try to relax and breath.. the first few weeks are the hardest...
post #16 of 21
8/23/08 at 4:39pm
HEllo!!

I am from your area!! I am seeing Karen and Noreen (midwives with OB backup) who deliver out of Rush Copley in Aurora. Here is a thread about them:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=518906

I have heard nothing but great things about them though I did not use them for my other births.

Anyway, I have the same feelings as you, and this is my 3rd!! I have a bad feeling about the pregnancy, since my other 2 kids came out fine, and my pregnancies and births were fine too.....so statistically I am 'due' for something to go wrong!! You are definately not alone. I would rather be 8-9 months pregnant than 1-3, it is so hard when you dont 'feel' pregnant and cant feel the baby kick, etc......I always breathe a little easier after the first u/s (both times I had one at 8 weeks) where you can see everything. A confirmed hearbeat at 8weeks really lowers the chance of m/c. What a terrible thing for a dr to say, UGH!!!

Congrats mama!!

OH my friend got one of those doppler things, she could not find the heartbeat and went to the ER, where they found it immediately. She tried it a few weeks later (her DH hid it from her) and could not find it again and went in to the dr, where the nurse was SO ANNOYED with her about it, she was like 'do you think you are a DR or something? This is something that takes special training!' So her DH promtly sent it back! This was later in pregnancy too, maybe around 4 months or so. I have always wanted one though, and did buy one of those little ones, but could not hear anything but my own heart beat till the very end of the pregnancy, when I could feel her moving so I had no need for it!
post #17 of 21
8/24/08 at 5:42am
I felt the very same way during my first pregnancy with my daughter. I was always so worried, and always imagining the worst. Just remember, the odds are in your (and your baby's) favor. Try to think positively, as hard as it is.
I'm a lot less worried this time around (about the pregnancy anyway, I'm more worried about how I'm going to handle 2), but I know the worry is definitely normal.

Hugs to you!
post #18 of 21
8/24/08 at 2:49pm
I'm starting to get nervous, myself. Most of my symptoms (except constant hunger) seem to be waning...could just be that I'm getting farther along and this is normal. (I'm at 8.5 wks) I have an appt for next Wed., when I will be one day short of 9 weeks. Of course, by the midwife's count I'd be like 10 weeks, b/c they're going by LMP, not Ovulation. I'm in AZ for work, away from DH and my usual routines and feeling a little less centered.
post #19 of 21
8/24/08 at 10:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by wobblykate View Post
I'm starting to get nervous, myself. Most of my symptoms (except constant hunger) seem to be waning...could just be that I'm getting farther along and this is normal. (I'm at 8.5 wks) I have an appt for next Wed., when I will be one day short of 9 weeks. Of course, by the midwife's count I'd be like 10 weeks, b/c they're going by LMP, not Ovulation. I'm in AZ for work, away from DH and my usual routines and feeling a little less centered.
Try not to worry! I bet you are noticing symptoms less since you are getting closer to your second trimester! Are you going to get an u/s at your first appointment?

Michelle
post #20 of 21
8/24/08 at 10:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by michanders4 View Post
Try not to worry! I bet you are noticing symptoms less since you are getting closer to your second trimester! Are you going to get an u/s at your first appointment?

Michelle
Yes, I think so. I hope so. I think as long as I hear the heart beat, I'll be okay. I'm not usually a worrier, but...no time like the present to start :
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