Should I ask my kids if they were abused? How? - Page 3

[Brigianna]

Well, if you're concerned about not risking false memories, it's better not to involve a therapist at all. Wait for what they remember on their own.

[riaketty]

Originally Posted by Brigianna

Well, if you're concerned about not risking false memories, it's better not to involve a therapist at all. Wait for what they remember on their own.

I have to disagree. Not going to get into details, but I was abused early too and had repressed memories until I was with my first boyfriend. He asked if I was a virgin, I said yes, and when the physical part came down he got ticked because, physically, I wasn't. That brought tons of memories flooding back, along with two suicide attempts and one run-away.

I don't want to wish that sort of remembering on anyone. I think if possible it should be a gradual thing. And the kids don't need to know what the therapy is for... OP could say "Okay, we're going to talk to this nice lady." and the kids will probably think it's just talking. Hopefully any therapist that deals with kids knows how to broaden the topics enough to not pinpoint a specific thing unless they need to.

OP, I just want to say I'm sorry. This is a terrible thing for you and your family to go through and I wish you all the best. Just take it one day at a time and do what feels right to YOU, because you've got that momma instinct.

You're in our thoughts with lots of love.

[Autumn Breeze]

This thread has been moved to the correct forum for its content from Talk Amongst Ourselves to The Childhood Years.

[KBecks]

I don't know how to ask that or do that, but can you call your a sex abuse hotline and ask for their advice on how to handle this? I think getting advice from someone with experience would be useful as you decide how to handle.

Based on what your SIL said, I think you can't have your DH's dad stay with you at all. Sucks for your DH, but you have to keep your kids safe.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

I have to say that I would also go the route of a forensic investigator if I were in your position. I was abused by my older brother when I was 9 and he was 15. He would sneak in my room at night. My parents suspected he was up to something and sat me down one morning and had the kind of discussion others are suggesting. They also asked if my brother had ever touched me inappropriately and that is was safe to tell them. I still never told them. I felt in many way and still do that I had to protect him (he has autistic-like developmental issues never formally dx'ed). I still have never told my parents this. My DH knows and a few others, but I just can not see destroying my family over it. I protect my children from him even though I don't think for a second he would ever do anything to them, but I will never chance it. kwim

Anyway, my point is that a neutral party may be able to question them better than you as a parent, especially if they have any sense that your FIL has issues. kwim I would definitely talk to them about appropriate and inappropriate touch, but any real questioning about someone having touched them may be best left to someone trained to do that. kwim

[angela&avery]

Originally Posted by A&A

But not all recovered memories come through therapy. Some people recover them on their own (without being in therapy at all).

yes, i had actually suppressed a memory myself and as an older child one of my friends was talking about being abused and it all came flooding back to me... I was shocked that I had suppressed and forgotten for so long.

[mommy68]

No, I wouldn't do it. Unless there is some suspicion that something bad might be going on right now. It may scare them. I'd just make sure that they aren't alone with the man and that another adult is always in his presence with the children.