No memory

[EllasMummy]

I had very severe PPD and an episode of PPP for 18 months after DS was born. I have now been off Zoloft and the anti-psychotics for a year now and am doing great!!

When I think back about that 18 months I have very little memory of the time. I can remember a few key moments but they are all related to my being unwell. I can remember wanting to throw myself down the stairs, when I got all my meds out aiming to take them all, my first panic attack, seeing someone elses face in the mirror.......all terrifying and sad memories.

I can not remember hardly anything about DS as a baby. I can't remember when he first rolled over, or sat up, or said his first words. I was sorting out his old clothes the other day and found things I couldnt even remember him wearing although I have photos of him in them, I checked.

I feel doubly cheated. I lost out on him as a baby, I had to wean him o/n at 12 months so I could take the anti-psychotics, and now I can't remember him as a baby.

I love my DS so so very much and I am so sorry I put him through this.

Does anyone else have this memory loss? Is there anything I can do about it?

[neveryoumindthere]

I went through the same thing, with *both* my kids. I have no memory of their first couple years. It was "all about me", and even that is not much, just memories of generally being miserable and hating my life For me, on top of the PPD (or what may have caused it) was postpartum thyroiditis which is associated with memory loss as well.

I'm praying this time is different.
I'm sorry I don't have advice, but lots of s

[Jillian1985]

What you said is my fear all the time. Ever since I got PPD ( I Still have it at 20 months postpartum ) My memory has been horrible. I don't know if your memory was bad at the time when you had PPD or just afterward. But mine is bad now. My husband would make fun of me every time I lost something. Which seems to be an everyday and almost every hour 'event', I either never find it, or when I do I don't even remember having that object in the room I found it in let alone remember even going into that room at all. I've forgotten my daughter a few times at home when leaving ( I tend to remember when I get to my destination and then I freak and go back )... that one scares me the most, luckily she was sleeping in her crib every time and there were no sudden fires or anything like that. I forget people's names when that used to be something I've never forgot. I start a conversation and ramble off until I remember what I was going to say. I can't read my text books because my mind wonders EVERY time, next thing I know I'm flipping the page and have no clue what I just read. I can tell you my daughters first word... but I cannot recall what was going on when she said it. I only know her first word was DaDa because my husband rubbed it in my face. I don't remember her first crawl, walk, laugh, rolling over, when she said Mom. I remember none of those and it kills me because I KNOW I was here for all of it, I remember knowing that I seen all of her firsts and now I can't remember anything about them other than I was there.

Now when I forget something even if it's not remembering where I put a pen, I will either cry of become very very mad. It's making me feel like I've got the memory of a 95 year old. GG (what I call my great grandma ) is 93 and her memory is SHARP, so that sucks a little more for me.

[savannah smiles]

I had PPD with dd1 and my memories of her are pretty hazy. I'm glad I took pictures and video of that time because it helps me to know how she looked and sounded when she was wee. It sucks but it is what it is.

OP, I used to feel really bad for dd1 because of what I went through and the fact that she didn't get the care and love that I "should" have given her. I've come to peace with things because I know I did my best and I'm grateful we both made it out of that dark time together.

[azgirl]

memory loss from PPD or the meds to treat it?

So, I am currently taking Zoloft for PPD. Do you think it is the PPD itself that causes memory loss? Or is it loss of sleep? Or is it the meds? Do moms without PPD remember more?