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10 weeks preggo and dp is cheating - Page 2

post #21 of 48
I am really sorry that this is happening to you. She is most likely going through a midlife crisis of some sort but I agree with the other poster when she said not to try and make her stay. If she wants to go.. let her and hopefully it wont be too late when she decides to return to you. I know its hard.. but you deserve to be with someone who is happy and wanting to be with you.. you know?
post #22 of 48
Thread Starter 
thank you all for your kind words and support. thanks Lex for sharing your personal story, that helps a lot. I hope it works out for us the way it worked out for your dw and you. My dp is still "confused." She doesn't want to leave me, and says she loves me, but doesn't want to leave the other girl either. She keeps saying that whaterver choice she makes will be bad for her.

I feel weak and want to let her continue seeing this girl just so I don't lose her. I do understand what she's feeling. I still don't know what will happen. At least she is coming home to me tonight to talk.
post #23 of 48


good luck tonight, pran. we'll be thinking of you.
post #24 of 48
Thread Starter 
I wrote dp a very heartfelt letter, but I don't think she felt the things I said very deeply. She seems desensatized to me. She says this girl just consumes her and she wants to spend all of her time with her. That hurts. I think we should go to counseling even if it's just so we break up amicably, but she was resistant. I think I deserve at least this. I just hope the newness wears off and she realizes what she's lost.
post #25 of 48
oh pranava. I'm sorry. Be the tree. :
post #26 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranava View Post
I wrote dp a very heartfelt letter, but I don't think she felt the things I said very deeply. She seems desensatized to me. She says this girl just consumes her and she wants to spend all of her time with her. That hurts. I think we should go to counseling even if it's just so we break up amicably, but she was resistant. I think I deserve at least this. I just hope the newness wears off and she realizes what she's lost.
That sounds really tough Pran... I know I would be crushed if the same would happen to me. I really hope with you that she will soon realize that she is losing alot when the newness wears off...

Please keep talking here if it helps you getr through this... we are here for you.

Coco
xxx
post #27 of 48
oh my! I can't offer any advice or anything, but BIG hugs for you, and you will find your way through this, I promise! Sending good vibes your way.
post #28 of 48
Pran, I'm so sorry that your having to deal with this difficult situation when you should be enjoying your first trimester. Only you know what's right for you and I hope you and DP find what your both looking for. We're all here!
post #29 of 48
I'm so sorry pranava. So very sorry.

I don't know if it is my place to respond since you don't really know me but I just wanted to send hugs and warmth your way.

Do you have friends and family (IRL) that can support you right now? It can be so hard to talk to people that know you both about all this, I personally didn't reach out right away because I didn't want my family and friends to hate my DP forever if we were to reconciliate. But at the same time it can be so helpful to let out your thougts and feelings, let out the tears and yuckys so you can feel a little peace and calm and it can feel good to feel loved and to know that you are not alone. If you can't talk to people IRL right now it could also help to find a counselor just for you (could be in adition to a couples counselor or not)

Lots and lots of hugs.
post #30 of 48

i'm so sorry

Pranava - I really feel for you.
I have actually been in both positions - thankfully in my mis-spent youth, although I am totally in sympathy with you and your hurt feelings, your long term relationship and your coming baby.
What your DP is feeling is like a fever, it is all consuming and unfortunately probably nothing you do or say will get through to her. It's like she is on another planet - and all she wants is this other exciting young thing. It's really sad. And completely hopeless. In my experience the one who "loves" two gets neither and ends up miserable.
I know that probably doesn 't help you now.
I have also been many times on the receiving end of a loved GF being infatuated by someone else and having to try to "win" her back. It is futile. And so painful.
I know you have probably heard this before, but my advice to you is similar to what others have posted, and it comes with love and understanding, is to focus on your plans for you and the baby. Try your best to make plans so that you are able to live by yourself or with someone else, support yourself or get help from others like family and friends. Do not wait around for her to come to her senses. You have you and the baby to consider and she is too busy with her fling to even care about that.
I agree that the therapy could help you both at least sort out some details, make a break that is as clean as possible and deal with some of the feelings.
Do you have any leverage to get her to go to therapy?
Also you might want to think about joining a support group IRL as well as on MBs, getting your own personal therapist if you don't have one.
Know that you can and will survive without this person. Even if it is so painful and you really want to make it work. I think if she is willing to make it work that is one thing, but it sounds like she is not interested at all.
My heart is heavy for you. Remember you are good, strong, beautiful person and you will make a wonderful mother.
Good luck.
I hope I wasn't too blunt. I just recognize the story so well that I have strong feelings about it. I did not like myself one bit when I was the one that strayed. I had to really do lots of growing to get out of that pattern.
Yours, a very happily reformed gigoletto!
:
PS if she does come back to you and is interested in a few months time, you will be in a stronger more independent place from which to weigh your options.
post #31 of 48


I don't have anything more inspiring to add than these great women have already said but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. Please take care of yourself and the little one. You are what's most important right now.
post #32 of 48
Hey, pranava. I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, and first off-- I'm so sorry your partner has done this to you. Right now is when she needs to be taking super care of you, and getting everything in order for a new family together. It seems to me like she's running off for some "easy," given that y'all have probably been going through a lot of "hard," what with TTC and the joys of the first trimester. (Take all this with a grain of salt, as I don't know her, and I only know you online.) When (not if) her new fling stops being "easy," what on earth is she going to do? Run off to something else easy? Realize what on earth she's lost? In either case it seems like she's not dealing with underlying feelings of what it's like to be in a difficult situation with someone you love. If she's never going to address those feelings, and just run off to a distraction when things get hard, then maybe it's better that she's not around when the baby is born. That's not a trait you want in a parent. But if she's able to realize what she's doing, and learn how to deal with life's difficulties face-on, maybe she can come through a stronger person and you two can have an even better relationship.

Again, all of this is my completely out-of-left-field opinion, but I wanted to put it out there, along with all my love and support. I hope you're able to take really good care of yourself as you work through all of this, and find family and friends to support you too.

:

pi
post #33 of 48
*HUGS* to you. I'm so sorry to read what's happening. I also suggest counseling if your dp is up for it, or alone if she isn't up for it. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, especially while you are newly pregnant! It's so low and unfair to cheat on someone, and it makes me so mad that this is happening to you.
post #34 of 48
Not normally in this forum, but read your thread title and could not just go past.

I am so very sorry about what you are going through right now. I can not imagine the heartache

I am : for you
post #35 of 48
Pranava- I wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. I would encourage you to become a protective "mother bear" to that child. In this case that means you might want to think about the toll that this emotional roller coster is having on you and think how much it is impacting your baby. Science tells us that we release chemicals in our body when we are stressed, sad,as well as with other emotions. This has an impact on the developing baby. I really want to encourage you to 1) not think of yourself as weak- you have it within you to do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child and 2) to do what you need to do protect you and your child. I do not mean to sound preachy and I hope this helps you.
Zora
post #36 of 48
*hug* I'm so sorry.
post #37 of 48
I'm not a part of this forum but just wanted to send you s

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Please take care of yourself and know that you'll be fine -even though it doesn't feel that way now.

Some of the things your DW is saying sounds scary. Please be careful and protect yourself.
post #38 of 48
Saw this in new posts. I'm so sorry. Infidelity is so hard even without pregnancy.

check out www.survivinginfidelity.com for some great articles and message boards.

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass is a great book.

Sounds like your partner is in what is called the "fog" in infidelity circles. Until she feels true remorse and is willing to do WHATEVER it takes then being together isn't a good idea. She's being a cake-eater right now too.

I am actually impressed that she told you so quickly--that is pretty rare.
post #39 of 48
Sending you strength to get through this. :
Lisa
post #40 of 48
I don't have much advice but I can pass on this info:

DH and I took a couples' communication class a while back, and the facilitator (a marriage/family counselor) said that she gets lots of people in for "marriage" counseling without their spouse/partner and that it can be immensely helpful. She also mentioned as an aside that sometimes the one person starts going, but that it is not long before the partner ends up finally coming too.

I really can't imagine what you must be going through and I hope things get better soon, one way or another. ::::
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