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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Archives › Pregnancy and Birth Archives › Due Date Clubs 2009 - 2012 › March 2009 › pretty sure I'm losing the baby--not really an update but where I'm at
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pretty sure I'm losing the baby--not really an update but where I'm at

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Not really an update because I don't officially know more. Both my doctor and the horrible ER doctor made it clear that I'm not welcome back until I'm pouring blood. The nicer doctor actually said, "And when we say bleeding, we mean going through more than one pad an hour." I didn't bleed that much with either miscarriage so I'm still at home, still on bedrest.
It's been a hard weekend. My sweet little girl, though, draws me picture after picture. This morning it was a picture of both of us with a heart as the sun. My dh is working so hard to run our household and take of me and taking care of our little. It's a lot but we're hanging in there as a family and that is a comfort.
It helps so much to read everyone comments--thank you all.
I am set to see the doctor a week from today.
I'll update with a real update.
Thanks again for keeping our little family in your thoughts.


*****
I went to the emergency room yesterday and the doctor was horrible. I'm on Medi-cal and I think that was his problem with me. He came into the room and said, "What is it that you think I can do for you?"
He'd read my paperwork and I asked for an ultrasound.
"Why?"
"Um, because I want to see if the baby's heart is still beating."
"Do you think the baby's heart is not beating?"
"Well, I'm spotting and cramping and I'd like to know if everything is okay."
He told me I'd had an ultrasound earlier in the week and they wouldn't do another one. "It won't do any good. If you're miscarrying I can't do anything for you."
He also said, "I'm not surprised to see you back here--a pregnant woman your age." I'm 37.

So I was sent home and it seems worse. I woke up at three a.m. with bad, bad cramps and my dh sat with me. We talked about faith and our lives. He rubbed my back and we both got to this place of acceptance and peace. I mean, we're sad but hopeful for our future.
He's a computer guy and he's been out of work so this year has been hard. We talked for hours about our plans and, oddly, about how he's been cleaning up our house and clearing out things. We talked about people we need to not have in our lives and what we're willing to do to be able to keep homeschooling our daughter. It was odd and sad and beautiful.
Yesterday my sweet little girl cut up her blanky and wrote, "I love you" on a piece of it for me to have. I've been holding it close to my heart.

Oh,we've been talking about when to tell people about being pregnant. For the first time, I told everyone I was pregnant right away. My friend talked me into it. I was kind of doubtful because I have a history of loss. But she kept pointing out that I need a community of support. I have to say that I'm glad I did. I surprised that I am. But I have had people taking good care of my little girl and of me and my husband. I feel loved and supported.

Wow, this is novel, isn't it? I was happy to be in this group--it really is a small miracle I got pregnant in the first place. Even the doctor said so. I'll check back when my doctor lets me see her. (I actually put in paper work for another kind of medical. This one seems better. I get it Sept 1 and I have a lot more choices of who I can see. Including midwives. I discovered this early this morning. So I feel better and like, even though I don't have much choice in my medical care now, I will in a couple weeks.)
Everyone take care and enjoy moving into the second trimester.
Kate
post #2 of 22
Oh mama, . I can't believe that doctor treated you that way. I'm so so sorry
post #3 of 22
Doctors can be so rude. Stress plays a huge role in maintaining a baby. Cramping and spotting are still normal. Do your best to rest and relax.
post #4 of 22
Hugs to you & yours! That Doc was horrible! I am sorry you are going through this~ I will say though that it is wonderful for getting the silver lining in the heart to hearts with your DH!

Warmly,
Melissa
post #5 of 22
(hugs) I will be thinking of you and your LO and praying for you.

I've had a pregnancy after a loss and boy did my little miracle give me plenty of spotting and cramps. And there were times I was convinced I would lose her. So here's hoping your LO is as spunky as my almost 10 y/o lil miraclebaby.

Your dd sounds like a really sweet big sister.

Is that the only ob-gyn you can see?
I have been known to call the on call when I knew a nicer ob was working. T(and sometimes not to call if I knew Dr. Jerk was working.) here were 5 in the practice and 4 were awesome and one was just completely lacking in bed-side manner.

Of course you need some reassurance and hope that things are ok with your LO. What kind of mama would you be if you didn't want to check the heartbeat? I'm sorry he didn't do that for you. Seems to me like it would have been so simple and that it would probably be something they should check on.

With my loss we had just told everyone-and it was rather late but even in the loss I was glad eventually that we had told the family just a few days before. I had some magical thinking that if we hadn't told the secret then the loss wouldn't have happened. It was nice while it was dh and my secret- but even still ppl could be there for me and mourn with me for the loss of our LO that got away.

And that comment about your age. OMG. How old was the Dr? Sounds like sometime Doogie Howser might say. So glad you will get to change providers. Sounds like a good idea.

(hugs)
post #6 of 22
:

I'm sorry you were treated so badly by that doc. They can be such A$$es.

I'm an ER nurse. I would recommend you write a letter to the ER manager and the director of the ER docs. Also, you could write a letter to the CEO of the hospital and let them all know how you were treated.
post #7 of 22
post #8 of 22
you and your family are in my thoughts
post #9 of 22
I`m so sorry you are going through this.
post #10 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by K&JsMaMa View Post
:

I'm sorry you were treated so badly by that doc. They can be such A$$es.

I'm an ER nurse. I would recommend you write a letter to the ER manager and the director of the ER docs. Also, you could write a letter to the CEO of the hospital and let them all know how you were treated.
Yes, this is what I was going to say. That doctor was insensitive and a jerk and I would be letting someone know.

What a wonderful conversation you had with your dh. It was very healthy and healing. And your sweet daughter... ooohh precious. Just want to squeeze her!

I'm sorry mamma. There's still hope but my prayers are with you. :
post #11 of 22
post #12 of 22
post #13 of 22
Mama, so sorry you are going through this. That doctor was a real jerk. Hugs to you.
post #14 of 22


I agree with those suggesting you report the doctor. There is no reason ever to treat a patient like that.
post #15 of 22
I am sooo sorry and that doctor was horrible to you!
post #16 of 22
Any news? I hope that you are doing ok. I will volunteer to go and punch that doctor in the face if you want.

Hugs.
post #17 of 22
So sorry you are going through this and so sorry that the hospital doctor treated you so poorly. There is really no excuse for that.

I went in for an ultrasound because of suspected ectopic pregnancy and the doctor who reviewed it started giving me her "recommendations" for testing in a high-risk pregnancy. When I asked why (I was just referred to the OB practice for the u/s) I would be considered high risk- she said because of my "advanced maternal age". I am 33 (will be 34) when the babe is born. I just laughed.
post #18 of 22
Hope all is OK with you.
post #19 of 22
I'm so very sorry mam2mygirl. Mostly for your loss(es) but also for the way that horrible doctor treated you.
I am so glad that you have your wonderful DH and DD though. They both sound like they love you so much.
I know it doesn't take away the pain of the loss but I hope it comforts you.

I wouldn't listen to that doctor about your age though. Lots of women have babies at 37. I'm 41 for heaven's sakes and my older 2 where born when I was 35 and 36. He's an idiot.
post #20 of 22
I hope everything is well. What a horrible doctor, I can't believe he treated you so badly.
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