Neighbor rant.....

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

My dd is almost 9 and loves to play with friends 24/7. She "has" to have a friend over at all times or go to a friends house or she is a pill. Well luckly we live in a great neighborhood that has lots of girls her age to play with. So she has a wide choice in friends. Well our next door neighbor has a daughter that my dd plays with more often than not. Well, we have invited neighbor girl over to spend the night almost everyday. And everyday the mom says no. Mind you this girl spends hours upon hours at our house and still says no when we ask about spending the night. The reason per the mom is this...."my husband would say yes if it werent for you son"...my son is 14 and we've never had any issues as far as my dd's friends or anything of the sort. Just typical 14 y.o behavior..not wanting showers...on computer 24/7...he doesnt run the streets...etc. So dd is getting more and more upset everytime she asks because she keeps getting no. Well neighbor mom even says no if my DD asks if she can spend the night at neighbors house rather than our house. I cant kick my son out just so this girl can spend the night. I am starting to resent my neighbor for being this way. I talk to dd about letting it go and just enjoying her friend while she is here and we can have someone else spend the night etc. But everyday or every other day dd gets so upset and comes home crying and slaming doors because she doesnt understand why they keep saying no. I'm to the point of not allowing dd to even play with this little girl anymore. It's just causing to much hostility when the little girl goes home every evening. She is here all the time. any advice ...i'm almost to he point where i want to ask the mom what is the real problem here. My daughters feelings are getting hurt...

[veronicalynne]

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[Irishmommy]

Stop inviting the other girl. "No" is a complete sentence, and her mom has been perfectly clear.

[giftedwith2]

Obviously the neighbor mom isn't comfortable with a sleepover and frankly she has every right to make those kinds of decisions for her own child. She may have a reason for saying "no" that might offend you so she is choosing not to elaborate. It's possible that she saw behavior from your son that concerned her that you may not be aware of. She may have just become so annoyed by being asked everyday when she has made it clear that she or her husband are not comfortable that she's decided not to give into the pressure the girls are putting on her to cave in. Like it or not she is under no obligation
to explain her parenting choices to you. If I were her I would have already told the girls that if the sleepover question comes up the play date is over. period. If I were you I would either tell my child she needs to respect the other parents decisions or she wouldn't be allowed to play with the other girl for a period of time. Like you I might feel a bit hurt under the circumstances but I'd have to let it go. Allowing your daughter to nag the other parent about her choices for her own child is completely disrespectful. I'd put a stop to it at once.

[kathymuggle]

Some parents do not like sleepovers. It may very well have nothing to do with you (it probably doesn't - she is letting her DD play with yours for hours on end, after all). Even the comments about your son (and how insensitive is that of your neighbour?? I would not take personally. It could be her father is against his DD spending the night anywhere there is a teenage boy. There is a certain amount of teen fear (particularly boy-teen fear) in this world. Who knows?

It will be easier on everyone if your DD stops asking.

Tell her NOT to ask again until at least Xmas. It is important to accept the word "no".

I would look for other kids to have sleep overs with.

[TattooedMommy]

We don't do sleepovers and if this came up in my family the answer would always be no. Now, I totally don't agree with her reasoning, concerning your son, but I think this is probably just an excuse and you should not worry about it at all.

I also think that in this situation I would try to cool the friendship down for awhile.

[library lady]

It sounds like the mom is not comfortable with sleepovers. There could be a million reasons that she doesn't do sleepovers. She probably feels cornered and doesn't feel like she has to justify her choices to other parents. The comment about your son was probably a knee jerk response to feeling cornered since a simple NO was disregarded. I would get really mad if some neighbor kid kept nagging me about sleepovers of any kind after I had made it perfectly clear that I didn't want my daughter sleeping over with anybody at any place.

[NiteNicole]

I've seen several threads here from moms who don't allow sleepovers if there's an older son in the home. I don't get it, but apparently it's common and not about your particular son. Obviously the neighbor was trying to get around saying anything but when you won't take no for answer, sometimes you get the truth.

Really, you need to tell your daughter to stop asking and stop inviting herself over to spend the night with the neighbors. I know she doesn't realize it, but that's the kind of thing that will eventually wear a person out and make them stop having you over. Sometimes the answer is just no.

[Princess ConsuelaB]

I agree with other posters here, especially in that some parents just do not "do" sleepovers and the other mom feeling cornered and maybe blurting out the son comment.

Is there a reason you can not simply have your dd STOP asking, it is now past the point of courtesy to the other family. I understand your dd wants to sleepover with her friend but they have been clear, she is now being rude (sorry, but it is )

[JSerene]

If it were me, I wouldn't end the friendship between the two girls. Instead, I would have a talk with my dd about respecting the choices of others. From the wording in your post, it sounds like you want this sleepover thing to happen because your daughter is a pill without company. Try to let go of your anger. Everyone needs to learn that others have boundaries and this is a perfect learning opportunity.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

Great advice here, i talked with DD last night and we are taking a break from neighbor girl for awhile. The thing is this...the neighbors have party's almost 2x a month and invite all kind of people over from all over the place and they spend the night. They have people sleeping all over the house. I went over there one day and people were sleeping in the hall way. So i'm not sure what there reasoning is other than the mom has no patience what so ever. But expects me to have it when her daughter is here. and i do..however it's running very thin right now. I'm sure being 9 monhs prego's is not heping either. Anyways...wanted to get other mama's opions. Yes my DD needs to stop with the nagging about the sleep over. DD has even told me that when the neighbor girls goes and asks her dad about sleeping over...he says yes..then she asks mom and mom says no. So i really feel that the mom is making excuses and putting it off on her husband. With school starting up next week..it will help....this all to fizzle out. Venting helps...thanks mama's