Hi ladies!
I am so glad youre here. This is a new forum for me. Im going to give a pretty thorough introduction, hope that's okay. I think youll seea lot of me in the coming weeks.
I suspect that I have danced on the edge of needing medication for depression and anxiety for most of my adult life (alcoholic father, emotionally abusive boyfriend, trauma because of that, abortion, PTSD following that, etc) and that when I am chronically sleep deprived and/or have stress, that it exacerbates the problem and puts me right in the middle of needing therapy/meds territory.
Ive been doing a LOT of thinking, and overthinking, in this past week. I am pretty sure I should have been medicated following the birth of my second child in 2002, and I am really sure I should be now. I recall distinctly around 4 months post partum in early 2003, that I had an absence, a vacuous lack of emotion toward my husband and oldest child, for the better part of a year. That same time period, I started acting toward my oldest child the way my father acted toward her when we visited, and the way he acted toward me the whole time I was growing up. When I look at my behaviour over the course of the last 5 years, in particular in the way I relate to my oldest child, and to some extent, my second oldest, it is definitely in the verbal/emotional abuse category. And its not just sometimes, its more like often or most of the time.
I have blamed it on sleep deprivation for a long LONG time. My second oldest was getting up twice a night until she was 4, and at least once a night until she turned 5 and we finally found out she doesnt make enough melatonin. For 2 years I was getting up with 2 kids once or twice a night each, and it was really ugly. But my fourth baby is sleeping well now, and all of a sudden Im finding myself totally out of control regarding my kids. I dont know if I am acting any differently, or if I am just now really seeing myself. I am acting like I do on a bad sleep deprivation day, except there's no sleep deprivation. I did two shocking things this past week. I called my oldest child a UAV, and when my 5 yr old said she hated me, I told her I hated her too. I have NO brain to mouth censor all of a sudden, and I have NEVER used these words toward my kids, ever, even if I was generally ranting and raving and not being nice. It was just over the edge for me, and I was scaring myself.
So I took a long look in the mirror this week.
I need to figure out if I should see my general practitioner to be screened for depression/anxiety, I would like to know if I can expect them to prescribe or if I can expect them to tell me to go see an in network psychiatrist. I have a good reference for a pyschiatrist, my friend and fellow nursing mom sees this doc, so I know he is sensitive to her concerns and mine about that issue.
I am surfing the net tonight to find lists of potential questions to ask my doctor or the psychiatrist, and getting the low-down on meds and side effects and stuff.
Let me know if you've found a particular list of questions helpful, or if there is anything you'd give feedback on as far as breastfeeding and taking meds, going on, coming off, switching meds, etc.
Thanks again for being here!
I am so glad youre here. This is a new forum for me. Im going to give a pretty thorough introduction, hope that's okay. I think youll seea lot of me in the coming weeks.
I suspect that I have danced on the edge of needing medication for depression and anxiety for most of my adult life (alcoholic father, emotionally abusive boyfriend, trauma because of that, abortion, PTSD following that, etc) and that when I am chronically sleep deprived and/or have stress, that it exacerbates the problem and puts me right in the middle of needing therapy/meds territory.
Ive been doing a LOT of thinking, and overthinking, in this past week. I am pretty sure I should have been medicated following the birth of my second child in 2002, and I am really sure I should be now. I recall distinctly around 4 months post partum in early 2003, that I had an absence, a vacuous lack of emotion toward my husband and oldest child, for the better part of a year. That same time period, I started acting toward my oldest child the way my father acted toward her when we visited, and the way he acted toward me the whole time I was growing up. When I look at my behaviour over the course of the last 5 years, in particular in the way I relate to my oldest child, and to some extent, my second oldest, it is definitely in the verbal/emotional abuse category. And its not just sometimes, its more like often or most of the time.
I have blamed it on sleep deprivation for a long LONG time. My second oldest was getting up twice a night until she was 4, and at least once a night until she turned 5 and we finally found out she doesnt make enough melatonin. For 2 years I was getting up with 2 kids once or twice a night each, and it was really ugly. But my fourth baby is sleeping well now, and all of a sudden Im finding myself totally out of control regarding my kids. I dont know if I am acting any differently, or if I am just now really seeing myself. I am acting like I do on a bad sleep deprivation day, except there's no sleep deprivation. I did two shocking things this past week. I called my oldest child a UAV, and when my 5 yr old said she hated me, I told her I hated her too. I have NO brain to mouth censor all of a sudden, and I have NEVER used these words toward my kids, ever, even if I was generally ranting and raving and not being nice. It was just over the edge for me, and I was scaring myself.
So I took a long look in the mirror this week.
I need to figure out if I should see my general practitioner to be screened for depression/anxiety, I would like to know if I can expect them to prescribe or if I can expect them to tell me to go see an in network psychiatrist. I have a good reference for a pyschiatrist, my friend and fellow nursing mom sees this doc, so I know he is sensitive to her concerns and mine about that issue.
I am surfing the net tonight to find lists of potential questions to ask my doctor or the psychiatrist, and getting the low-down on meds and side effects and stuff.
Let me know if you've found a particular list of questions helpful, or if there is anything you'd give feedback on as far as breastfeeding and taking meds, going on, coming off, switching meds, etc.
Thanks again for being here!
's mama.
: I would definitely get into a psychiatrist and therapist. If your area is anything like mine (minimal psych's and loooong waiting periods), it may suit you best to get into a therapist who has an in-office psych asap and let them help wiggle you into an appt. I used to work for a psychologist and her therapists often rushed patients into appts with the psychiatrist faster than off-the-street folks.
Let all the mama's here help you and lend an ear. I know how you feel about not recognizing yourself. I've battled with depression all my life and have had PPD with both pregnancies. I tried coming off my meds last month (ds is 10 months old), and I found myself snapping at him for his normal behavior. I marched him to his crib and rushed to the med cupboard. I immediately took a dose and called in a refill. It wasn't worth chancing it to me. Know your limits; you're the best judge of you.
