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Children = Messy House?

post #1 of 52
8/18/08 at 8:23pm
Thread Starter 
If you have children, do you automatically have a messy house?

I'm not talking about toys-on-the-floor-that-we-were-just-playing-with messy. I'm talking about wondering to myself as I sit in friends' living room, "if I lived here, and my mom told me to clean up, would I be able to? Do mom and dad put away their toys, so that I can see how it's done? Is there somewhere to *put* these toys?"

I love an orderly house, and try to keep it that way with my little one (9 m.o.). But I mentioned recently to my SIL that DD seemed to be growing bored with some of her toys and SIL said "That's why kids need a lot of toys." She also makes remarks about how my house isn't going to stay tidy.

(Don't worry, all of these friends and relations with "messy" houses are lovely people with lovely children. I just wouldn't want to live there.)
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post #2 of 52
8/18/08 at 8:46pm
i have a 2 and a 5 yo, and our house is almost always messy. Its' for several reasons.
One, my dh and i are not good at putting alway our own things, so our kids are not nec. inclined to put away. we're working on that.
Two, we lack storage.
Three, I barely get more than 15 min. to clean at a time. My guys are spirited and want me around them, i need to sort out a conflict, etc...
Four, when i do get 15 min., i often dont' want to clean. i want to check my email, take a shower, make a healthy meal for myself, breathe, etc...

other factors cycle in... holidays, bags and luggage to put away after traveling, etc... But on the whole, my house would be much, much neater if we were childless.

it would also be boring.
post #3 of 52
8/18/08 at 8:59pm
I think you definitly need to relax your standards once kids join the family, but it doesn't have to be a disaster area just because you have kids. Your own personality comes into play A LOT.

I bet your friends will someday sit in your living room and wonder if your kids are getting neurotic because the house is too clean.
post #4 of 52
8/18/08 at 10:36pm
Varies with the age and stage.

Most two year olds like to strew stuff from one end of the house to the other. My three year old is having a "but that NEEDS to be there!!!!" stage. This is a child who will leave a store neater than when we entered it, and has been jokingly offered a job doing merchandising several times.

I think it's never going to be as minimalist/beautifully decorated as without kids. They love their stuff and get very attached to it and don't have the same aesthetic sense that we do.
post #5 of 52
8/19/08 at 12:51am
Just wait until that baby is a toddler or preschooler. You might rethink "clean."

Come spend an afternoon with my two and you'd really understand.
post #6 of 52
8/19/08 at 1:14am
Most nights my 4.5 year old has more energy than me at the end of the day. The mess wins.

Occasionally she'll conk out early or I drink to much caffeine and I outlast her. I go to bed with a relatively clean house.
post #7 of 52
8/19/08 at 1:19am
Dh and I were messy before the kids, and we still are. Not gross messy, but not super tidy. There are a couple of families with kids in the neighborhood whose houses look like they came out of a magazine (one of those family magazine with the articles 'make your child's room into a imaginative playplace!). I don't know how they do it! (And yes, I am very jelous!)
post #8 of 52
8/19/08 at 1:47am
I've noticed that not so much the strewn-about mess that is greater (well, it is, but doesn't bother me so much) but the gunk. There is so much gunk now! Highchair gunk, marker gunk, dog-got-the-diaper gunk. I wash the floors now wayyyyyyy more than before dd. I wash me more. I wash the table more. I wash dishes more. I wash the tub more. I even wash the doorbell. sheesh. The goo that comes with toddlers. eek. And yes, it does get on the strewn-about toys and then I have to wash THEM. That is what I wonder about in other people's houses. Where's their gunk?
post #9 of 52
8/19/08 at 2:36am
My house is much cleaner since having children. I don't think children = messy house at all (but am not judging people with messy houses). It completely depends on the children and the parents.

Speaking of neurotic, I did get a wake-up call when my DD was straightening the movies in our entertainment center at 19 months old. Not putting them in there, they were already in there and lined up alphabetically, just not perfectly enough I guess : I lightened up a bit after that.
post #10 of 52
8/19/08 at 3:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsieLC View Post
If you have children, do you automatically have a messy house?
No, but if you choose to have a clean and tidy home, it can be like pushing water uphill. I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo and it's incredible how messy they are! But it's not just the mess that they make. It that the parents don't have as much time to do basic daily maintenance activities. Most days I spend 2 hours after the kids go to bed, just dealing with dirty dishes, vacuuming the incredibly dirty floor, picking up toys, wiping up toothpaste splatter and pee in the bathrooms, and folding laundry. We're not talking detailed cleaning here. If my kids were less "lively", I would do that stuff while they were awake, but I just don't get much done while looking after them -- there is always something to attend to even if I am not actively playing with them. Also, as kids get added to a home, the parents' activities and roles and how they use the home changes. If the parents don't have enough time or focus to rearrange the home and organize it for the new realities, clutter and mess are likely to follow. When we didn't have 2 kids, it wasn't really a problem having some clutter and disorganization in our 1000 sf apartment. But with 2 extra people in the home, you can bet it's become a crisis! Also, if the parents never had good cleaning-up-every-day habits to begin with (letting things get into a mess then cleaning it up all at once), things can get out of hand with kids in the picture.
post #11 of 52
8/19/08 at 9:49am
i know plenty of families with children whose homes are basically tidy (within reason, i mean, their children area allowed to play!) and always clean, as in, floors and surfaces are clean, dishes aren't piled up, trash is always taken out, etc. these aren't homes i enter only on special occasions where the house has been cleaned for "guests" either. it's my sil, my aunt, and of course i had friends with neat and clean houses when i was a child.

my house is messy, and i'd love to use kids as an excuse, but it was messy before i had kids. in fact, i think it's probably better with kids because there's so much i have to keep out of reach, and because i caught the decluttering itch during pregnancy #2.

so, imo, kids don't need a lot of toys and you can keep house with kids underfoot. you can. i apparently can't . . . or choose not to!
post #12 of 52
8/19/08 at 10:30am
I was raised in a spotless home, and unfortunately I'm sort of that way too. I keep the house pretty clean, but there are "hot spots" that really need more attention. I'd say my house is cleaner than most other people I know-but it's a daily challenge to keep it that way. I'm too OCD to let stuff go.
post #13 of 52
8/19/08 at 10:54am
I don't think that kids=a messy house. Yes, kids have toys and then tend to like to spread them out! But, if you start early by having your child (or you when they're too young) put one toy away before getting out another, then you wont' have a big issue with that part. And if you have a typical cleaning "routine" then your home can still be relatively clean at any given time.

I have a cleaning routine that involves doing a little bit in the morning, a little in the afternoon and a little in the evening and my house is 'clean' most all the time. There are exceptions when our schedule is whacked out for odd reasons, but for the most part, it is tidy and in order at all times. And I have two kids...5 and 8 years old. Of course, I am an organizational freak, and strongly believe in that old saying "A place for everything and everything in it's place" so maybe that's part of it!

I also have a brother & sister in law who are both neat freaks. I used to think "I wonder if their house will stay this clean when they have children?" Well, they did have a child, he is now 4 and their house is STILL spotless. And I mean spotless. They are even worse than me!

So, if you WANT to have a neat and tidy house, yes, it IS possible, even with kids. You just have to train them...and the husband!
post #14 of 52
8/19/08 at 2:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksenia View Post
No, but if you choose to have a clean and tidy home, it can be like pushing water uphill. I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo and it's incredible how messy they are! But it's not just the mess that they make.... If my kids were less "lively", I would do that stuff while they were awake, but I just don't get much done while looking after them -- there is always something to attend to even if I am not actively playing with them.
My 2 and 4-year olds are CRAZY at how fast they can make a mess. I turn around, my boy has colored the wall with purple and blue crayons. My girl has pulled out 500 papers to put her stickers and markers on them. Both have dumped a box of blocks out, they've searched for their favorite dress up clothes, milk gets spilled, the sink gets played in, poop gets played with and then BAM, you've got a formerly clean house.

Add to that my trying to work out, the fact that I'm a freelance writer who WORKS FROM HOME, having friends, going to the library/pools/parks, getting involved in school activities, cooking from scratch...and well, sometimes it is hard.

Some people are naturally more organized and cleaner and then there's those of us who need extra help.

And to all the cleanies, I can promise you, we "messies" already know how bad it is and feel ashamed enough so have a bit of compassion on our poor little selves!
post #15 of 52
8/19/08 at 3:33pm
I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY picking up the same things over and over again. Toys, clothes, shoes, dishes. A big part of the problem is that we have a small house and not a lot of storage. I keep getting rid of stuff, but somehow it all creeps back in again.

I am not a very neat person, with or without kids. But now that I have two of them, I look back on past-me and think, "Why the heck couldn't I keep my house neat back then?" At least when you live alone the mess stays away until you bring it back in!
post #16 of 52
8/19/08 at 3:40pm
Oh, I hope I didn't offend anyone by my post! I didn't mean it that way at all! I'm really sorry if it came across the wrong way!
post #17 of 52
8/19/08 at 3:58pm
Training everyone to pick up is key. But I have 3 kids, and the house is quite clean. And yes, I am a neat freak, so I work really hard at keeping it that way. It is very possible to have a clean and neat house with children, but it will eat into your time.
post #18 of 52
8/19/08 at 4:00pm
I really think it depends. If you like order and are an organized person you'll probably find a way. Tidiness isn't all that important to me all the time, but it is some of the time, if that makes sense. I can go for a few days in chaos and then I have to restore some semblance of order in our home. Like the op mentioned, storage is an issue for us. My dp is also a paper pack rat, so there are often piles of papers that he has yet to sort and file.
post #19 of 52
8/19/08 at 8:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsieLC View Post
If you have children, do you automatically have a messy house?

I'm not talking about toys-on-the-floor-that-we-were-just-playing-with messy. I'm talking about wondering to myself as I sit in friends' living room, "if I lived here, and my mom told me to clean up, would I be able to? Do mom and dad put away their toys, so that I can see how it's done? Is there somewhere to *put* these toys?"

I love an orderly house, and try to keep it that way with my little one (9 m.o.). But I mentioned recently to my SIL that DD seemed to be growing bored with some of her toys and SIL said "That's why kids need a lot of toys." She also makes remarks about how my house isn't going to stay tidy.

(Don't worry, all of these friends and relations with "messy" houses are lovely people with lovely children. I just wouldn't want to live there.)
No, children absolutely don't mean that you have to have a messy house. I have a toddler and am 8 months pregnant with a husband who likes to leave yogurt containers out on the counter...and our house is still very tidy. Laundry is done, bed is made, counters are cleared and wiped off, mantle and TV stand are relatively dust free, carpet is vacuumed etc etc. First let me say that I am NOT a neat person. Before I met my husband, and even into the marriage, I was messy and very unorganized. I'm still not organized all *that* well, but our house is clean. When I first had my son and my house was a disaster area I would always say, "I think it's more important to spend quality time with my children than to clean." Well, I've had time to dwell on that now and I now realize you can absolutely have both. I have a routine (didn't come up with it, just happened to fall into one) that includes picking up as we go and because of that, all I have to do is a quick pickup and wipe down during my son's nap and tada...clean
post #20 of 52
8/19/08 at 11:50pm
I think it definitely doesn't have to be messy with a lot of kiddos around...but I have to admit the vast majority of my friends with multiple children...actually all of them have at least 3, most with 4, have pretty messy or cluttered homes.

I was doing really well with two kiddos, then three came. Three was tougher time wise, then add a pregnancy and first trimester puking and nausea to it and yes you get a little relaxed with your standards in some respects.

Though I'm decluttering again now that there's a new baby on the way.

It's flippin amazing how many loads of dishes I can do a day, and how much laundry...