NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 4 - Page 113

[TwilightJoy]

Originally Posted by Sihaya

I've been dealing with my own TWW drama and been pretty self-absorbed lately

Chart stalking you!

Are you TTC or TTA this month?

[PiePie]

as you wish, i am so happy you are falling in love with your daughter and so sad to hear about your traumatic birth experience and its bookends...

steph, TWW!!??!! jealous you tried so soon...

i am having some frustration with bedtime, specifically, why it is taking her so long. we had it down to 15 minutes with the creation of a ritual but now it is up again! i am currently hitting the reset button after 60 minutes of trying, i don't think having a frustrated mommy can be helping matters... seriously, i need time alone with dh, it is not happening, i don't know what to do. i also need me time, and putting her down is taking so long i wind up staying up too late, and then needing to sleep in, which pisses dh off... anybody know what is going on? she is 2 y, 3 m. it is not that she is bouncing on the bed or anything, she asks about various sounds, but basically is nursing and i think trying to sleep, although tonight there was a fair amount of kicking me involved, i believe it was accidental...

mujerista, i think it is a mistake to think of toddlers as having the same toy needs for the whole second year. at 12 mos., dd was in a very different space than 16 mos., and again in a very different space at 18 mos. at 12 mos., what worked best was a wooden activity cube like this one http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...=263602_263622 seriously she played with it every single day (except when i was out of rotation) from 10 mos. till this day, 2 years, 3 mos. seriously a great toy. also she loved her wagon http://www.google.com/products/catal...wAQ#ps-sellers which doubles as a building toy -- it had 2 lives, depending on her developmental stage. she also loved balls, again a toy that can be used on many levels. my brother gave her something like this http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Manhattan-Toy-...item20ad295184 when she turned 1 and she loved it. the little people toys that cking mentioned are big here but not before 18 mos. -- she just didn't have the expressive language capacity to be engaging in pretend play at that level. stacking and nesting blocks were very big well before the first birthday but got some play thereafter -- we have this one with mother goose rhymes from the sylvia long illustrated one http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Manhattan-Toy-...item20ad295184 and this one by eeboo, which is good for knowing and naming http://www.amazon.com/eeBoo-Read-Me-...9464161&sr=1-9 for dd, they were used most at the post-sitting, pre-walking phase of life. but if you don't have some they are worth getting in part because they take up very little space, since they nest. duplos, which cking mentioned, were not a hit until after the 2nd birthday -- now they are HUGE -- before that she preferred mega blocks first and then legos larger quattros. we bought her 1 yo classroom a play tunnel when the kids were mostly 18 mos. plus, with a tent to go with, and it was huge -- i think i got it from discountschoolsupplies.com. when buying, look for easy of assembly -- her school had another one they never used because the set-up took too long.

[Sihaya]

Originally Posted by TwilightJoy

Chart stalking you!

Are you TTC or TTA this month?

We were TTS (trying to survive!) this month We weren't watching my chart closely enough and since I was still spotting, I wasn't checking CM, so we have the same timing as we did last pg/cycle. We were throwing around the idea of not avoiding but not placing the emphasis on trying next cycle, but I honestly think it's moot at this point - feeling quite pg. Dr's appt Thursday, and beta results should be back early next week.

Originally Posted by PiePie

steph, TWW!!??!! jealous you tried so soon...

No trying involved. One act of DTD, 5 days before O (again). The timing (due-date, specifically) is actually terrible, but I can't help wanting to be pg despite it.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by cking

MMM, trying to think of toys that J has come to really like in the past 6 months....
blocks - stacking, nesting, duplos, things of that sort
Little People or similar people/animals/play house/farm, etc.
dolls and stuffed animals
tool boxes, medical kit
wood puzzles
play tunnel (I think she'd love a tent to go with this too)

and she's really really ready for a play kitchen. we're planning to make one like this for her.

That kitchen is awesome! I'm printing it out in case it's gone when we need it! The actual ikea kitchen is pretty expensive I think - if I was gonna pay a lot, I think I'd want one that was a little less ikea and mass produced! I'm kind of hoping we can hold off for a year on a kitchen though. I know he'd be into in but I feel pretty sure he'll love it for a few years and I'm hoping to rotate some other bigger toys out before we introduce this one!

Originally Posted by Sihaya

Sorry not to answer this earlier, MMM. Partly it was because I don't have a good answer and partly because I've been dealing with my own TWW drama and been pretty self-absorbed lately The first year we had a half-birthday party in June but weren't able to host one this year. I'm hoping to do one again for his 2.5 birthday, but if I'm 7.5 months pg, it might fall by the wayside again. One of the big reasons I like the 1/2 birthday party is because the weather is so much nicer and I know it's completely the opposite for you. I've been considering pushing the festivities back a month and doing a little party at the end of January, but I'm still undecided.

Hmmm - yes. It's a tricky one. He's having his party on the 20th Dec this year but in the future we may bring it forward a month. Of course, he doesn't have to have a party every year!

Originally Posted by PiePie

mujerista, i think it is a mistake to think of toddlers as having the same toy needs for the whole second year. at 12 mos., dd was in a very different space than 16 mos., and again in a very different space at 18 mos.

That's exactly my point PiePie - the kid only has one opportunity for gifts each year thus I want to be sure to ask for things that will become useful over the year.
Your ideas are great, thanks. I think an activity cube is perfect. It's definitely going on the list. He already has a wagon and a tunnel and LOVES them both.

[PiePie]

ita re play kitchen for later. we acquired a very small one -- just a stovetop, really -- http://www.amazon.com/Alex-Wooden-Co...ref=pd_sbs_t_1 -- for free back before her 2nd birthday because that was when the neighbors were unloading it -- it was either us or the garbage -- but it is at my parents' in reserve for her 3rd birthday. it is not that she wouldn't be into it now, i just think she will be more into it later, when she will have outgrown, say, the activity cube and the fort/ball run. or maybe my child is totally deprived -- not!

[witchygrrl]

PiePie, that kitchen is sooo cute! And it might even fit in our space, unlike so many others that are just humongous.

Poor Rhea's been sick since last Wednesday. High fever for 2 days, now just icky stuffy cold-ness. I hope this clears up soon.

Frends of ours who were trying to get pregnant at the same time we were but couldn't just finished their foster care homestudy last week, and then yesterday were given a newborn baby girl! They have to foster for 6 months before they can adopt, and then only if the birth parents are cooperative, but I am so excited for them!

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by witchygrrl

PiePie, that kitchen is sooo cute! And it might even fit in our space, unlike so many others that are just humongous.

yes it folds flat, and accessories store inside.

[PiePie]

mujerista, by dd's 1st bday, she had 3 construction toys: classic wooden unit blocks (my old ones), which were not a big hit and still aren't; mega blocks, which were a hit, and kiddy connects by edushape (http://www.target.com/Set-36-Edushap..._baby_connects) (though she does not have as many as in the link). I know it says 2 yrs and up but she could do it at 12 mos. and most of the kids in her class could do it by 18-23 mos.

[accountclosed3]

crazy busy around here trying to move out and organize for our move in the process--that is, all holiday gifts focused on what we will need gear/clothing wise in NZ. i know that there is clothing/gear there, but if i can get some good deals on basic (eg, my winter coat for $40!), then why not?

as far as toys, since there is some discussion on that, hawk really only has a few toys.

he has blocks (and a thing to separate them or push the shapes through), tops for spinning, a stacking toy (with three posts and three different stacking shapes), and his instruments.

he also colors a bit, and now he is getting into books--both being read to and "reading." we read to him and he "reads" to us. he's also into counting--he counts the pages of the book. i think he can understand quantity up to four or five, because after five, he starts over. he started doing this himself, and when ryan encouraged him to six, seven, and eight, he looked a bit confused. so, we've let it go (educationally speaking), and then noticed that he picked up six seven and eight. LOL

but, his real preferences are for being outside and playing outside anywhere, in any environment, in any weather. he loves rocks, sticks, plants, nuts, and what not. he loves mud, water puddles, and just running around and hiking. he likes birds and trees quite a bit. the beach seemed a bit daunting, but the sand was ok. LOL

the other preference are his instruments. he has an african drum and a peruvian rattle. he plays them every day, about 2 hrs total. i just foudn a drum circle that he can join and he totally digs that. he's in love with our friend chris's guitar, so my sister and bil are getting him a ukelele for christmas.

he's just now into wooden cars and such, os my FIL is making him one of those.

our aunt is giving him rain gear ofr christmas, thank goodness, because i keep him in when i t rains (because of his poss swine flu/poss cold thing), and i don't have gear to keep him dry and warm. he needs it!

but in all honesty, toys aren't so much to him. he prefers outside or instruments. so, we keep it simple and keep it that way.

also, on the EC front for those of you who EC--i have a post in that forum about graduating (me) to trainers. LOL hawk could care less what he's wearing. but we're thinking of transitioning over, particularly with the move. so if you could put your two cents in over there, that would be cool.

[accountclosed3]

oh, and thankfully our move-out date moved to jan 4, so that gives us a bit more time!

and firebird is dec 12, so we're psyched for that. we're doing our "christmas" that weekend.

[Sihaya]

Quick update for chart-stalkers (or any other kind of stalkers ): BFN this morning, followed by AF. A little disappointed, but very relieved. The plan now is to sit out next month to let my body recover a little, then not try and not avoid in Jan & Feb, then reassess the TTC situation in March.

[accountclosed3]

much love sihaya. i've been thinking about you, even if i haven't written about it. i'll firebird for you (intentions are burned with the bird. it's pagan-crazy. you ok with that? if not, then i won't firebird for you, nd just keep thinking).

[Sihaya]

I'm definitely okay with that, zoebird. It sounds awesome. Thank you

[accountclosed3]

here's a link to the firebird festival. it's, like, my holiday.

did i mention that i've let go of christmas. it's nice. that is, my mom now has all of my christian stuff and i've given it up because i just realized that i don't want it and dont' really believe in it anymore.

but we really, really love the firebird festival, so when we move, we're going to continue with it and invite our friends to join us. it will be our holiday of the season.

there are a few concessions, though. first, i will get hawk's picture taken with santa even though we're not doing 'santa' seeing as we are not doing christmas, etc. it's really for my parents and ILs--it means a lot to them to have that picture. so, i can do that. second, while we are here, we will do christmas with them, and ryan wants to spend a holiday season in europe on of these years, in a "christmas" way. i can do that because in the first case, i don't care, and ini the second case, it's like "these are the local customs" so they can learn about how it's done there vs our house, etc.

i'm thinking that our firebird will be decorated up like midsummer decorations from scandinavia--swedish probably. that and paper mache (sp?) firebirds to burn. a friend of mine is going to teach me how to make them. and who knows, we may not burn one for quite a while, but burn our intentions in a safe way or something.

anyway, yeah, it's a cool celebration. and it includes the story of the firebird, so it has the most important part: a mythos.

[~Shanna~]

Originally Posted by Sihaya

Quick update for chart-stalkers (or any other kind of stalkers ): BFN this morning, followed by AF. A little disappointed, but very relieved. The plan now is to sit out next month to let my body recover a little, then not try and not avoid in Jan & Feb, then reassess the TTC situation in March.

Steph, i was just coming here to ask - couldn;t wait for LLL next week. so glad for the peace you;ve found - i think that eluded me for too long. Disappointed for you - our conversation last week reminded me of the month prior to reece when i was certain i was pg and my own ambivalence.

Typing one-left-handed while lie-down naking. sorry for typos. surgery yesterday on thumb (car accident) went well, but i need another surgery in 2 months. things have been very difficult in caring for both boys, I called in backup today for the 90 minutes i was alone between helper shifts. dh off next three days, so today was probably hardest. painful, but managing without vicodin, which would have me anxiou about sleeping with reece.

most days doing remarkably well with 2 boys. Fenton is a magnificent older brother. i'm shocked at how much he's grown up. Last week when reece was crying he told me "i think he wants you to pick him up" and i fell in love with how mature and giving he has been. Reece is such a joy - very much an old soul, so calm and easily content. i had forgotten how riveting that newborn stare can be.

We've had some pitfalls. dh and i still struggle with constantly falling into "reece is my responsibility, fenton is his". i try t resist this and i can see how frustrating it is for dh (Fenton is more demanding, plus it's been harder for dh to know reece as well as he knew fenton). But i've also had to remind dh that much of what i do for reece cant be done by anyone else. There isnt much that we can trade, only what can add to my half. it's probably been a shock to dh that, with Fenton, whenever i was nursing he got to have some free time. now when i'm nursing reece, he's on his own with fenton. it;s comical to me that dh finds this infancy so much more difficult, while i think its about the same.

Another challenge has been being haunted by the ways that fenton was so challenging, and not want to do anything that plants the same thing in reece. i've found myself deliberatrly putting reece down more, considering introducing a pacifier and qustioning whether to co-sleep with him if he's indifferent...all because somewhere in my mind i wonder if we created fentons intensity. so far we've stayed true to our gut, but i've definately entertained some options that didn't feel right, mostly out of fear. having an intense child first has, in some ways, made me less confident the 2nd time around.

anyone read the Time cover story on hothouse parenting? i haven't gotten hold of it yet but i'm delighted to see the topic get some press, if only so many of my more free-range philosophies get less raised eyebrows. we;ve been letting fenton start to play outside alone in parts of our yard for short stretches, and i think my sisters head is going to explode. from where i sit, however, i think the press is missing a huge swath of the "mindful neglect" movement. just finished "a nation of wimps" on the topic, and she lumps ap parenting, homeschooling, etc. as the ultimate in hothouse parenting. I think she's missing how many of us feel that we have to opt out of convention in order to allow our kids to be left alone, as she clearly agrees is best for children. it was a frustrating read. in case you can't tell by the title

First snowfall tonight! The look on fentons face when he touched and tasted it was utter bliss. he asked to take a bowl of snow to bed with him . which we indulged. Poor dh

[PiePie]

shanna (and others), but shanna in light of her doubts re fenton: you must read the atlantic story. print version is called orchid children, online version is called the science of success.

The Scene: DD's school around the time of pickup.
The Sound: Baby, about 6 mos. old, wimpering a little.
DD: Baby cwying! He needs to nurf!
Other mother [apologetic]: You are never going to believe me, but I am still nursing.
Me: Oh, I believe it.
DD: No, don't hide the baby! Nurf him! [in reference to the nursing cover]

[~Shanna~]

Originally Posted by PiePie

shanna (and others), but shanna in light of her doubts re fenton: you must read the atlantic story. print version is called orchid children, online version is called the science of success.

Thanks, I'm bookmarking to read.

Originally Posted by PiePie

The Scene: DD's school around the time of pickup.
The Sound: Baby, about 6 mos. old, wimpering a little.
DD: Baby cwying! He needs to nurf!
Other mother [apologetic]: You are never going to believe me, but I am still nursing.
Me: Oh, I believe it.
DD: No, don't hide the baby! Nurf him! [in reference to the nursing cover]

A mom kicked out of Target in my neck of the woods for not covering while nursing . Doing exactly what I've done millions of times. Hope I'd have cojones if I were ever confronted. Cojones AND eloquence.

Fenton has asked to nurse Reece countless times, which I help him "do". Last week he saw me pumping after I nursed R (in prep for sugery) so now he asks to nurse Reece and then follows with "and now I need my breast pump!" He thinks the pump is a "neat little machine" .

[accountclosed3]

i'll look up that atlantic monthly article.

people think i'm such a strange, strange mom.

i never hover when hawk plays outside (or inside at the indoor playgrounds that we go to) unless there are a lot of larger, older children running around. i only do that because i know that those older children are doing no wrong, but that hawk can get pretty badly hurt if i'm not close by to block the odd foot or excited arm wave.

but where things get weird is that when i am out and hawk is in a playground that is fenced or even a more open area like the nature center we go to, i let him roam. i'll sit in one spot, and i watch him, but i let him roam. of course, if there are a lot of people around, the distance that i let him roam is shorter/closer, but i free range him. i want him to explore and play.

but other parents are *on top of* their children and giving me *dagger eyes* for even allowing my son to explore the play area, introduce himself to other children, and feel and assert himself openly and nonviolently.

as an example, he walked up to a girl about his height, and about 4-5 months older than him. she bared her teeth and growled, then pushed him. he obviously didn't understand, and the mother was right there and said "no.". hawk then handed her his toy, and she took it, and then hit him. and the mother just said "no" and that was it.

anyway, he then goes to the play structure and wants to slide. he climbs up and slides himself (it's steps, not a ladder), and the little girl was up there. she displayed aggression again, and he looked confused. then she pushed him off the low step and knocked him on his backside. her mom said "no."

he looked stunned, then stood up and took three deep breaths. he got up on the play structure again, and went right up to her. got to his fullest height, and said "BA!" the little girl rocked back, got out of the way, and he went on to play. later, the two were playing together fine.

during this exchahange, the other mother was very near. when hawk asserted himself to her daughter, she said "i was scared he would hurt her; you should watch him."

i looked at her like she was bonkers. her daughter knocked my son off the play structure. he didn't require comfort, so i didn't go to him. he mastered his own feelings and took action. the action he took was assertive and nonviolent, and didn't require any input from me.

it was freakin' weird. i swear to god these other parents make me NUTS sometimes. just let the kids play for goodness sakes, or explore and have fun.

we have put on our list that we either want a large, safe balcony or a small yard at our place in NZ so that hawk can have some safe space to play outside without me having to take him there or be there.

he plays on his own so well, and the grandmothers who were at the play area (and not hovering) noticed and said to me "he's such a sweet, kind, self-assured boy." i know part of it is his temperment, but the other part is allowing him his feelings, helping him process, and also allowing him to interact freely without my constant policing or intervention.

anyway, i came to ask about books regarding developmental stages, gentle discipline, free ranging, and so on for this 1 and up set. any good suggestions?

[witchygrrl]

PiePie, read the orchid article. absolutely fascinating (DH got a subscription to the Atlantic Monthly from an NPR donation--way cool). There are just so many different levels to who we are.

[PiePie]

Originally Posted by zoebird

anyway, i came to ask about books regarding developmental stages, gentle discipline, free ranging, and so on for this 1 and up set. any good suggestions?

becoming the parent you want to be is good for toddlers, but i consider it wrong-headed (to the point of being upsetting to me) on sleep. if you can forgive that part there is lots of good stuff in there -- a lot of stuff that is likely to be up your alley. the other one i can think of is parenting your toddler by the barnard toddler ctr. folks. there was a lot of stuff i did not like there -- but i wasn't really the target audience, i suppose?? -- although the chapter on socialization is GREAT and speaks to the situation you were describing above. i got some other useful tidbits like re traveling with toddlers but most of the book was a waste, i would say the socialization chapter only was worthwhile.