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NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 4 - Page 119

post #2361 of 2423
I just wanted to echo MMM's sentiment. I am still amazed at how frequently I learn new things or am reminded of something really cool and/or important by you ladies. I know I don't contribute much and am not always a ray of sunshine, but I appreciate this group more than I can put into words.

Maela - Thank you for sharing Jaim's birth story!

zoebird - I'll third the skin brush. I don't use it for exfoliation, but Calvin begs me to brush his skin when I'm using it. He loves it! Your upcoming moves sounds so exciting - I'll be living vicariously through you

An embarrassingly late to Teo.

On the bed-transitioning front, we are in no hurry to get Calvin in his own room. My goal is to have no more than 3 children in the bed at once (including a 3+ month pg belly as a child), meaning my general goal is to have Calvin (and most likely #2 with him) in a different sleeping space from us by the time C is 7-8yo. Of course, our eventual bed solution is three mattresses (1 King with a twin on either side) on the floor of a sleeping loft, which I realize is really not an option for most people.

Calvin's bed actually just came in the mail yesterday. He fell asleep in it last night, but gradually made his way across and we woke up on the other side of the big bed together Glad to transition him out of the hammock, though, as he is starting to get too heavy for it.

On the TTC front, AF came a few days ago and so we are officially not avoiding this cycle. My last cycle was wonky with a short LP and spotting for 4 days before AF, so I'm concerned that a pg this month would result in another m/c, but at the same time I don't want to take a bunch of supplements before my body has had some more time to even itself out... Feeling but wishing I could be a bit more about the whole thing.
post #2362 of 2423


Shanna, yes I have been feeling the same way lately. Since this is most likely our last baby, I've been able to cheer myself up with the thought that it will only get better from here on out (frumpiness-wise). I've started exercising every other day for half an hour, and as soon as i lose a bit more of the baby weight, I'm going shopping with my chruistmas money! right now i feel like i have nothing to wear (I have two pairs of pants that i can wear out of the house - and they are maternity). My underwear is old and holey... And I am SO tired of having to watch what i wear to make sure it works well for bfing discreetly. I never was much of a dress-wearer before having kids, but now I can't wait to wear them again. I had a brief couple of months when i could wear thejm this summer because maev wasn't really nursing during the day anymore. It was so nice!! I also can't wait to carry a purse again someday. right now my wallet is just a pouch that came with my diaper bag. It looks really fasionable when i run to the store real quick while dh watches t6he kids. But usually i'm just so happy to get out of the house...


I was just sitting here complaining, and I got a call from someone from church letting us know that our mutual friends' son's cancer has returned. He's only four. He was adopted by our friends a couple of years ago. so he had arough start already, and now there's this. He had eye cancer and now it is in his arm. Please think good thoughts for him...
post #2363 of 2423
omg i am super frumpy, super fat, thanks to BFing eating habits and sedentary job, no clothes fit, don't want to spend $ on clothes because want to be in maternity clothes, ugh ugh ugh. woh makes it so much worse because everyone i work with is in a different stage of life -- mostly size zero petite singles, and then one new mom but via adoption and therefore no body changes, and one other mom but her kid is way old and she doesn't have custody. so i am alone, with the adoptive new mom, in having to choose between working out and time with child. guess what wins. i did go on one shopping spree to get work appropriate clothes -- my advice to you is do not by from j. jill -- their stuff does not hold up at all. in fact i am going to buy a sweater for myself as a post-christmas present, will take survey as to which to get, just to be frivolous. even if i do get pregnant i will need new sweaters to get through the winter. even my boss makes comments on how i need to buy clothes to fit the body i have now, quoting somebody from tv. nice.
post #2364 of 2423
sihaya, it is really hard to be zen about ttcing. sometimes i am, sometimes i'm not.
post #2365 of 2423
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
even my boss makes comments on how i need to buy clothes to fit the body i have now, quoting somebody from tv. nice.
I'm with you: i'm willing to buy clothes for the body I have, but I'm not willing to buy clothes for the body I have now, then buy more clothes for the body I have in 2 weeks. wish i knew if it was wishful thinking that I'll fit into my pre-pg clothes again. Thought I had got around it for a while by buying DH some new jeans with the understanding that I got to wear them until I lost weight. But now those are a little too big, and my pre clothes are still too small. Ugh. I can't bear to have 5 different sizes of things in my wardrobe. So tired of feeling frumpy. When Dh and i were on our honeymoon in Paris 9 years ago (and can I say that I miss that life sometimes? ), I bought this great pair of black suede knee-high boots with a killer heel. naughty boots. Boots I wonder if I'll ever wear again. Even a great pair of shoes isn't working for me - carrying a baby or chasing a toddler in shoes like that? So even getting past nursing doesn't feel like the real issue. I'm just trying to figure out how to feel like myself for the long parenting haul in front of me. Because fenton will probably continue to wipe his nose on me for the forseeable future . And, for the record, those boots weren't that practical even before I had kids, maybe that's what I need to keep in mind. I wasn't exactly wearing thongs 4 years ago anyway.....But I could if I wanted to.

The punchline to this little frump crisis of mine is that I'm reading The Feminine Mystique. Somehow that makes this even funnier.

Maela, I'm so sorry about your friend's little boy.
post #2366 of 2423
it took me 15 months. i'm still fine tuning, but overall, i feel very good about my body now. in August, no.

everything down under is back to normal. belly looks good. size 4 jeans fit a bit baggy (which is how they fit pre-preg, but i was and am too big for size two, and most are too short anyhow). breasts a little saggy but i'm doing some specific muscle work to get a bit more lift (and a good bra goes a long way).

i've been wearing heels since hawk was on the move. i thought it would help me adapt. i wore wedges first; i found i had more balance. now, i can do well even in 3-4 inch heels so long as i'm not on the grass and it's not icy. of course, i don't like to wear those for too long, except my favorite pair of wedges that are super comfortable.

i tend to wear t-shirt material clothes. skirts and dresses (usually wearing a fitted short-short underneath so i can be more active), either heels or sporty flats when i'm going to be active-active (or hiking; i can hike in nearly anything though--though i wear jeans and hiking shoes when going on longer, heavier hikes), and other times just jeans and T-s.

i don't mind if hawk wipes his food, nose, or whatever on me. i carry wipes that i made that are basically detergent/soap and a bit of water. quick rub-rub and everything comes out. it's the tiniest bit of soap because otherwise it looks oily. but, it works well for me.

i try to keep it simple.

skirts/dresses helped me feel less frumpy.
post #2367 of 2423
Happy new year!!! Dh and I have been married for six years today.

My goal is to feel less frumpy by the end of the year!
post #2368 of 2423
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
i have one, i'll try the brush!

but here is the BIG NEWS.

Ryan needs your votes!

here's his note to all of you (and everyone):

Dear Friends,

I’ve entered the Your Big Break filmmaking competition in New Zealand and would love to have your vote!

Voting is simple. Check out my entry, "Capturing the Spirit," at http://nzt.strutta.com/entries/10773 and click the big green button! When you register, you’ll be entered into the sweepstakes to win a trip to New Zealand !

Voting closes at 11:59 AM PST on January 15, 2010. Thank you for your support!


P.S. Please feel free to pass this message on to your friends!


i hope that you enjoy his script, his pitch film, and all of that. And when you win your trip to NZ, you can visit us. We'll feed you, we'll baby sit your baby for a night on the town. it'll be awesome!
I just finished reading the script, and I liked it! Hopefully I'll win the trip and see you in NZ!!
post #2369 of 2423
AF again. 21 days after it came back, which i bled for half of. do cycles ever go shorter before they level out? Starting to think something is a bit off.
post #2370 of 2423
Shanna, IME luteal phases tend to be shorter when cycles come back while bfing. So if you are ovulating mid-cycle, it can result in a shorter cycle. Also could be anovulatory still, in which case length can vary widely.
post #2371 of 2423
not ryan's film or anything, but such a lovely ad/video, we had to share: 100% Pure New Zealand: Forever Young.

we're moving out of our house tomorrow (had to move it back a day because hawk got vomit/diarrhea--he's fine). we have about 25 boxes for storage, our art, and a chair i can't let go of. 12 bags to carry with us. it's something else--liberating.
post #2372 of 2423
just wanted to thank yall for the advice on the transitioning out of the family bed. it seems to be working. caveats that i have to get up in the early morning repeatedly to nurse her and that she fights going down. not that she never had trouble getting to sleep before and we didn't bail on the bedtime routine and hit the reset button when we were in teh family bed, it just seems more frequent now. hard to say if it is related to the transition or to the many other changed circumstances due to holidays, extended family visits, etc. hoping that when school starts she will snap back into her old school.
post #2373 of 2423

Need some advice

I just wanted to ask you all what you would do in these situations. I'd like to try the gentlest methods first, but I don't know what they would be. I'm not the best at gd (although there definitely has never been hitting/spanking).

Maev is hitting, throwing, kicking, and screaming - not just when she doesn't get her way (although that does seem to be the cause many of the times) - sometimes it just seems to be out of the blue.
Some examples -
She threw a small plastic tractor at my sister last night (no idea why).
Dh saw her throw a book at the nursery teacher at church as he was coming in to pick her up (he didn't see what happened before).
She kicked Jaim in the head (he's fine) last night when we were all sitting on her bed reading bedtime stories.
She asked me where one of her toys was today, and I said I didn't know (I truly didn't), and all of a sudden she screamed at me, "Where is my toy!!"

This behavior is SO not like her. She's always had a little bit of a temper (like her mama ), but this is weird. And it's not okay that she's hurting us and others. It's been happening for about a week. So far we've tried ignoring the behaviors, giving her extra hugs (when it's happening), explaining why it's not okay, leaving the room, and traditional time-outs where she sits in a certain spot for two minutes. We haven't been really consistent in anything. Although we did just decide to take a second to ask her if she needs a hug as soon as she starts "misbehaving" (I hate that word). We are going to be consistent on that.

Anyway, what would you do?
post #2374 of 2423
like you, i would ask her if she wants some of your attention. Jaim is probably taking a lot of it, and it might be helpful for you or her father to say "do you want me to hold Jaim so that you can be with mommy?" and so on. sometimes, they just need one on one time with mommy. they just want those hugs and attention.

it might also be that you can direct with specifics--only throw soft balls! be mindful when moving and kicking your feet! keeping language in the positive is really helpful. hawk gets excited and starts "hitting." he's not tryin to, he just gets excited with certain touching motions (stroking your face or hair), and starts to go faster and harder. so we say "gentle with bodies, gentle touching" and he immediately gets it (gentle touching being one of the first "cues" he got).

now, a long term element that we implement is our meditation space. right now--living with friends and their immense clutter, plastic noisemaking toys and such--it's hard to carve out a space, but we were able to create a small space in our room that is the meditation corner.

thich naht hahn (vietnamese zen monk, author) talks about having a meditation space in your home (a separate room if you can), where you can go to meditate. he recommends meditating as a family--inviting young children to sit with you in that space.

he recommends that it is a no-anger/negative emotion space. to demonstrate how this is the case, if you feel angry, you say "i am feeling angry. i will go to the meditation space to be quiet until it transitions into understanding." then, you go to the meditation space.

what we discover in practice is that 1. hawk invites us to meditate when he feels us getting too stressed (eg, during our move, he kept trying to draw us into the meditation room/yoga room of our old house, and he would want to sit in our laps for a time--we took turns meditating with him), 2. older children will go there themselves to process their emotions.

you may not be a meditator, but even calling it a quiet space, or a place of peace, or whatever might work for you may be a good option for any time the feelings--any feelings at all--are getting strong and overwhelming.

the fact that both ryan and i identify our feelings and then utilize the space (or the practice of meditaiton in ryan's case; he doesn't always meditate in the meditation room that we had, though he did use the corner we set up today), we find that hawk will also use it or invite us to use it.

in other families who use it, older children will go there to "avoid being in trouble"--if they have done something wrong, they'll go there and then no one can be angry. but after a time of quiet, they can peacefully talk about what happened and how everyone was affected (after the age of reason).

i have to go. hawk has gotten over stimulated by this place. we all need some time in nature.
post #2375 of 2423
Hey all,

just want to echo the sentiments of others that this is an awesome group of ladies

i know i'm mostly a lurker, but i do fly by to check in on everyone, even in the crazy summer season.

i'm having some issues with dd, mostly because she gets over the top emotionally with increasing frequency. she loves to get into everything, and after redirecting her energy constantly (and gently reminding her that standing on her toys with wheels isn't safe) i develop a screechy tone that i grit my teeth against even as i'm doing it.

we're also going through the nap/no nap issues that you had shanna...i decided on no nap today, because i'm so tired from last night's tossing and turning that i'd rather have screaming and breakdowns, if only i can sleep

she's in a stage of rejecting dh, so i also get the needy/clingy crying and the "i want MAMA to do it" in regards to everything.

i love her so, and i always feel badly that i'm not my best and most zen self when she's at her most needy.

this too shall pass...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...
post #2376 of 2423
farmama, I could have written your post. DS is in the same "Mama do it" stage, we finally just decided on no nap so he'll sleep at night, but that means no riding in the car after 3pm, which is just unreasonable, so when we have to go somewhere in the evening, he falls asleep and then bedtime is horrendous. Thanks for popping in, it's good to hear from you
post #2377 of 2423
really behind in reading -- SORRY!! -- work has been hell for the last 2 days and today dd is not napping but anyway i am stopping in with something light and diverting. let's say i want a non-frumpy sweater (per our earlier discussion). we know that even if i get pregnant like today i will not be showing for sweater weather. so what would you suggest?? linkies please price range negotiable but ideally 60 or under.

gotta get her out of the house for my own sanity so off we go to the library
post #2378 of 2423
on the hitting, throwing, kicking, we have a special pillow that she can do whatever with -- we direct her there. it hasn't been used in ages and i do not even no if i could find it if i had to. but it's a way of saying physical expression of anger, etc. is okay and here's how to direct it. i also try to label her emotions for her when she is in that space. that is not our issue now but we, like everyone here, are having our own. more anon.
post #2379 of 2423
I'll add only wasn't hasn't been said on hitting, since we first try redirecting, distraction, assuming it was an accident and asking him if he'd like to apologize:

If all the above fail, I tell Fenton that I can't allow him to hurt others and we'll need to go somewhere where everyone is safe. If he's hurting others, I'll offer to stay in his room with him until he feels like he can stop hitting. If it's me, he goes in there alone and I tell him cheerfully (well, not all the time) to please come out when you can stop hitting because it's not safe for me to let him hit me. I'm not big on time-outs, but I do think it's different when it's a logical consequence such as needing to keep violence away from others. Often, we do this over and over because he'll say he wants to come out and can stop himself from hitting, and then it will start all over.

This almost always happens if he's hungry, tired, or in his case, reacting to a food he's eating.
post #2380 of 2423
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
really behind in reading -- SORRY!! -- work has been hell for the last 2 days and today dd is not napping but anyway i am stopping in with something light and diverting. let's say i want a non-frumpy sweater (per our earlier discussion). we know that even if i get pregnant like today i will not be showing for sweater weather. so what would you suggest?? linkies please price range negotiable but ideally 60 or under.

gotta get her out of the house for my own sanity so off we go to the library
Do you want a light sweater or a heavy one? Here are a few cute ones I saw:

I tried to find the sweater MIL gave me as it is super cute, but one I never thought I could pull off, and can. And I am totally frump-tastic. Alas, I can't seem to find it.
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