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NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 4 - Page 3

post #41 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by witchygrrl View Post
also, did your newborns have nightmares at all? she'll be sleeping peacefully, and then all of sudden cry out for a few seconds in her sleep. it's always heartbreaking when she does this, and we think it's because of nightmares.
Fenton did this too.

Will try to post more later, must get sleep. Now.
post #42 of 2423
stalking zoe.
post #43 of 2423
shanna, I'll be interested in what you have to say re:the baby nightmares. ven if research says they don't really dream, she falls into what looks like REM state really quickly. I always wonder what's going on in there.

I was also thinking about your tv post, shanna. we bought muppets stuff because we specifically loved the muppets from our childhood, and if Rhea should watch anything, she could watch that. But we also watch way too much tv ourselves, so honestly trying to have her not watch is going to be interesting.

so long as I don't stick her in a crib with some toys parked in front of the tv all day...oh wait, that was my babyhood:
post #44 of 2423
Heather, Dd would also do that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
they're desparate to buy a bassinette for me. like my ILs, they're *not listening*. i explained the continuum concept, which they think is realy crazy because "of course you'll want to put the baby down." which may or may not be true, btu that doesn't require a bassinette either.

they say that my sister can store it, which is fine, except when "in use" there's no real space. i think they're just freaked about co-sleeping, and dad asserts that no organization that is "real" or "withotu dubious or unknown backing" thinks that cosleeping is a good idea.

so, there you go. Mohtering and all-ya'll are "dubious with unknown backing."

well i already knew that, but cnosidering it's the way that people sleep all over the world and have for centuries, i figure that has a bit more longevit and clout than say, the APA or whatever. LOL

so, they're going to try and coerse me to take one; i m ight be able to distract them with something else, but what i haevn't figured out yet.

i figure if they read TCC, they might "get" it, but ryan wants to read it before handing it off to my parents.

and, i have to cleant he car. it needs to be vaccummed and also there is a weird spot in the back on the upholstry. should get that out before putting the car seat in.

that's all here. oh, and my computer is still at the shop and they won't return my calls, so i'm going by in a few.
ZB, there is a new book out that I saw at my LLL meeting. I can't remember what it was called. I'll try to figure it out. Here is a website that gives information on the safety of cosleeping.
post #45 of 2423

Here's that book I was talking about

Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping by James J. McKenna

I thought he was an MD, but I guess not. I don't even know if the book is new or not; thought it was. But maybe this would help your parents with the bassinet issue?

We have a crib that's not set up anymore. Someone gave it to us for free before Dd was born. I don't know if I even want to set it up for the next baby.
post #46 of 2423
Developing a sleep plan on Pantley's advice in NCSS for Toddlers. Will report back, it has been wonderfully helpful in clarifying what to work on.
post #47 of 2423
Thread Starter 
Shanna, great to hear you're feeling hopeful about the advice you're getting on sleeping.

zoebird, maybe you can distract them with your beautiful new baby so they forget about the bassinet crap?

TV: It's so refreshing to hear such honest accounts of what everyone is trying to do with TV. I just love you ladies. So for us: We are currently trying not to let Abby look at the TV while we're watching, so she just gets glimpses every once in a while. But it's hard, and we feel guilty for watching the TV and not paying attention to her, so we're trying to cut back. We were watching about 45 min-1 hr of TV every night while we ate dinner, and she would sit in a baby chair facing us. So now we're going to try eating dinner at the table w/no TV. It helps that she can sit in her high chair while we eat, now.

But I had planned on not letting her watch TV (in our house at least) before the age of 2, maybe longer. Maybe that's not reasonable--we'll see. I mean she's 6 months old now, and we're just now starting to adjust our TV watching habits to what we had planned to before she arrived. We just really don't like the idea of her seeing ads before she can start to understand on some level that their purpose is to manipulate her. Also, I got that book Elizabeth recommended called Endangered Minds--it had some interesting things to say about TV, and even recommended delaying/decreasing TV until the child learns how to read, as TV watching can decrease comprehension skills. The book's point was that TV is a passive learning experience (if it's a learning experience at all), whereas reading requires active translation of words to concepts. So if a kid watches too much TV, they can develop passive learning habits and don't have great reading/learning skills in general.

Napping changes: Abby has always been a frequent napper and has always had decently long naps. She stays awake for 1-2 hours before being ready for a nap, then she sleeps 45 min-1.5 hrs. But in the last week, she's been pushing it to 2-3 hrs between naps and only sleeping for 30 min at a time!!! And getting her down for the nap has never been harder--we have to bounce her on the exercise ball for a looooong time. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 times before we can put her down & she'll stay asleep. Also, she was never a "colicky" baby but in the last week, she's been fussy from early evening to 11 pm, and it's super hard to get her down to a nap during that time and also very hard to get her to go to sleep for the night.

What could be causing this?!? Possibilities I can think of:
  • Teeth? She has 2 bottom teeth already, so maybe more are on the way? I can't feel anything poking thru yet, and I don't see any bulges like I did with the 2 bottom.
  • Solid foods? We started giving her a little avocado every morning starting Tuesday, along with some water. The napping/fussiness issues started Tuesday night. (btw, we're not boiling the water...is that bad?)
  • Fighting illness? DH was sick with a bad cold on Wednesday and Thursday, then I've been sick Friday and today. She was a little snotty/sneezy last night and tossing/turning all night, but no more snotty/sneezy today. So maybe she's going to be in the clear? :
  • She fell on her head Sunday night. I know it's unlikely to be related, but it's hard not to let my mind wander in that direction...
Do you guys have any other ideas on what could be causing a napping/fussiness change like this? I'm at a loss.

And I'm sure I don't have to tell you ladies this as a lot of us have been thru times like this, but I really feel like I'm about to reach a breaking point. I'll bounce her for 10-15 min (my back muscles are constantly sore as a result), lay her down, then her eyes will pop open and if I don't pick her up right away, she'll arch her back (new skill) and CRY CRY CRY hard.

Last night, when I was feeling achy and snotty and she was NOT sleeping, I was really not feeling very nice feelings towards her. I know she's not doing anything on purpose, but it certainly starts to feel like that sometimes.

Okay, sorry for the novel...
post #48 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by snozzberry View Post
hear such honest accounts of what everyone is trying to do with TV. I just love you ladies. So for us: We are currently trying not to let Abby look at the TV while we're watching, so she just gets glimpses every once in a while. But it's hard, and we feel guilty for watching the TV and not paying attention to her, so we're trying to cut back. We were watching about 45 min-1 hr of TV every night while we ate dinner, and she would sit in a baby chair facing us. So now we're going to try eating dinner at the table w/no TV. It helps that she can sit in her high chair while we eat, now.

But I had planned on not letting her watch TV (in our house at least) before the age of 2, maybe longer. Maybe that's not reasonable--we'll see. I mean she's 6 months old now, and we're just now starting to adjust our TV watching habits to what we had planned to before she arrived. We just really don't like the idea of her seeing ads before she can start to understand on some level that their purpose is to manipulate her. Also, I got that book Elizabeth recommended called Endangered Minds--it had some interesting things to say about TV, and even recommended delaying/decreasing TV until the child learns how to read, as TV watching can decrease comprehension skills. The book's point was that TV is a passive learning experience (if it's a learning experience at all), whereas reading requires active translation of words to concepts. So if a kid watches too much TV, they can develop passive learning habits and don't have great reading/learning skills in general.
I find that it's so hard to have different expectations for baby than is the personality of our home. Brandon and I don't watch much tv, but we do some. And sometimes I look at my expectations for Fenton, and they're more in line as if we didn't have a tv at all. Same with food. We have a pretty good food repertoire here - my nephew recently told me that we have nothing "fun to eat" . But we do have a bag of kettle chips always in the house, and I start getting stressed when Fenton requests them. But it seems wacky to not want him to eat something that I keep in the house. So I'm having to approach it backwards, of what is reasonable to have in our family life, and then go from there on helping Fenton to regulate. I guess that's a long way of saying: I dunno

Quote:
Originally Posted by snozzberry View Post
Napping changes: Abby has always been a frequent napper and has always had decently long naps. She stays awake for 1-2 hours before being ready for a nap, then she sleeps 45 min-1.5 hrs. But in the last week, she's been pushing it to 2-3 hrs between naps and only sleeping for 30 min at a time!!! And getting her down for the nap has never been harder--we have to bounce her on the exercise ball for a looooong time. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 times before we can put her down & she'll stay asleep. Also, she was never a "colicky" baby but in the last week, she's been fussy from early evening to 11 pm, and it's super hard to get her down to a nap during that time and also very hard to get her to go to sleep for the night.

What could be causing this?!? Possibilities I can think of:
  • Teeth? She has 2 bottom teeth already, so maybe more are on the way? I can't feel anything poking thru yet, and I don't see any bulges like I did with the 2 bottom.
  • Solid foods? We started giving her a little avocado every morning starting Tuesday, along with some water. The napping/fussiness issues started Tuesday night. (btw, we're not boiling the water...is that bad?)
  • Fighting illness? DH was sick with a bad cold on Wednesday and Thursday, then I've been sick Friday and today. She was a little snotty/sneezy last night and tossing/turning all night, but no more snotty/sneezy today. So maybe she's going to be in the clear? :
  • She fell on her head Sunday night. I know it's unlikely to be related, but it's hard not to let my mind wander in that direction...
Do you guys have any other ideas on what could be causing a napping/fussiness change like this? I'm at a loss.

And I'm sure I don't have to tell you ladies this as a lot of us have been thru times like this, but I really feel like I'm about to reach a breaking point. I'll bounce her for 10-15 min (my back muscles are constantly sore as a result), lay her down, then her eyes will pop open and if I don't pick her up right away, she'll arch her back (new skill) and CRY CRY CRY hard.

Last night, when I was feeling achy and snotty and she was NOT sleeping, I was really not feeling very nice feelings towards her. I know she's not doing anything on purpose, but it certainly starts to feel like that sometimes.

Okay, sorry for the novel...
I'm thinking teeth, and that wild card of it just might hurt to grow that fast. I wish I didn't understand so incredibly thoroughly what you mean about the breaking point. This is a hard hard job. I forget that a lot, because it seems like anything that so many people do can't be that hard. I had a little connipiton fit last night because I was so sick of nursing Fenton to sleep for the umpteenth time. Brandon's trick is that he keeps near the changing table a picture of him holding Fenton when he was just 30 seconds old. He also says that when he's about to lose it, he stops and looks into Fenton's face. It helps to remind him that he's a person, worthy of empathy. I wish I had a trick. Usually I can empathize with what he's feeling, but often I can't get past my own selfishness, which is understandable. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 17 months. So all that to say...... Come sit in my treehouse . But I really do believe that if you do the best you can (really the best you can) in any moment, you can forgive yourself a lot because you feel confident that you have always done your absolute best. All of these rules we come up with for what is best for kids are pretty irrelevent when your child sees that you were a constantly-striving parent.
post #49 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Shanna~ View Post
Developing a sleep plan on Pantley's advice in NCSS for Toddlers. Will report back, it has been wonderfully helpful in clarifying what to work on.
wow i am so glad! i had been feeling much guilt for recommending it without reading it first but i went out on a limb because my LC recommended it and I really like her, I know she coslept, etc.
post #50 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by snozzberry View Post
even recommended delaying/decreasing TV until the child learns how to read, as TV watching can decrease comprehension skills. The book's point was that TV is a passive learning experience (if it's a learning experience at all), whereas reading requires active translation of words to concepts. So if a kid watches too much TV, they can develop passive learning habits and don't have great reading/learning skills in general.
there is a middle ground here. when dd starts watching tv (age 3?) (more likely onlyl dvds) we intend to use closed captioning. finland has the best literacy rates in the world, and they don't start sch until age 7. but all their tv has cc. i think there might be a relationship. at any rate that's the plan.

also i really like common sense media's website re which specific tv programs, dvds, etc.
post #51 of 2423
kelly, from what i have read she may be having a developmental milestone and that can interfere with sleep. i can't say i noticed that much on this end. however, i have noticed that if something is bothering babe it is likely to bother them worst at night, if that makes sense. you are doing great, keep up the good work.
post #52 of 2423
I am a bit sad tonight. I went to a party held by an old friend of mine. we have been friends since age 5, although not v. good friends for quite a while. certainly not since i've known dh. but like many relationships it has ebbed and flowed. so i left feeling not only neglected and not understood but a huge gulf between me and her on parenting style. the worst was when dd pinched her dog she said to dd, you wouldn't want to be pinched and pinched dd! when dh said to me, "They are just vacuous people" I had to agree that we won't be schlepping out to the suburbs again to see them. i am feeling keenly my lack of girlfriends (esp mama friends) with whom I have contact IRL.
post #53 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
I am a bit sad tonight. I went to a party held by an old friend of mine. we have been friends since age 5, although not v. good friends for quite a while. certainly not since i've known dh. but like many relationships it has ebbed and flowed. so i left feeling not only neglected and not understood but a huge gulf between me and her on parenting style. the worst was when dd pinched her dog she said to dd, you wouldn't want to be pinched and pinched dd! when dh said to me, "They are just vacuous people" I had to agree that we won't be schlepping out to the suburbs again to see them. i am feeling keenly my lack of girlfriends (esp mama friends) with whom I have contact IRL.
PiePie
I know that I'll be in the same boat as you. We are the first of our friends to have a baby. Some friends are trying or planning for later and others are vehemently (and sometimes offensively) childless by choice. Our best friends, who live one minute away, and we used to see multiple times per week, have completely disappeared on us since I've been pregnant and it makes me very sad. We have not changed, nor have we gone baby ga-ga. We still have adult conversations and do adult things but apparently all they see us as now are parents with screaming kids who impinge on their nice little middle class lifestyle. The sad thing is that we feared this would happen and approached them about it but they assured us that they'd be thrilled to be 'favourite aunts' and super involved. It makes me sad, but it also makes me really angry.

I'm excited that we're going to see David Sedaris tonight...with our donor and his girlie. Now they are deeply loyal and committed friends who will never abandon us but with whom we have little in common...except for an eternal biological tie who is currently doing aerobics in my belly!
post #54 of 2423
Shanna (or anyone else)- I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on Biden.
post #55 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwilightJoy View Post
Shanna (or anyone else)- I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on Biden.
Big disappointment for me. But Wellstone is dead, Kucinich is "unelectable" and my love for Edwards has been taken down a notch by, well, his penis. I'm thrilled it wasn't Hillary, but I never really thought that would happen.

I think my disappointment is pretty irrational - I didn't expect someone so "establishment", but I have to say that despite being a loose canon (and sometimes I heart that), he thinks fast on his feet and manages to make the moral dubiousness of opponent candidates look as ridiculous as it really is. So I'm fully prepared to eat my words.

Still stalking Zoe....
post #56 of 2423
Anyone else feeling like they're suddenly featured in the media a lot as an idiot who doesn't vaccinate? They're sure a Johnny-come-lately on what an irresponsible moron I am.......

Pie Pie, I'm so sorry about the incident with your friend. To everything, a season..... How did you handle the pinching thing with your friend? That must have sent you into orbit.......
post #57 of 2423
pete seeger says dd has a good voice! i took her to hear him this morning at lincoln center -- she went crazy for "this land is your land" and "this little light of mine" (one of "my" songs with her). but she started screaming "gah," which i thought meant, "give me your coke can" (a frequent request) but no, it turned into "guantanamera!" everybody laughed -- she was really loud -- and pete seeger said, "good voice!"

on the pinching thing, i didn't say anything because dd wasn't bothered -- she is a really tough kid with a high pain threshold.
post #58 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
there is a middle ground here. when dd starts watching tv (age 3?) (more likely onlyl dvds) we intend to use closed captioning. finland has the best literacy rates in the world, and they don't start sch until age 7. but all their tv has cc. i think there might be a relationship. at any rate that's the plan.

also i really like common sense media's website re which specific tv programs, dvds, etc.
I grew up in Sweden, where most of the TV programmes has cc (a lot of English/American TV, reruns, and for the hearing impaired), and also where children started school at 7 (now they either start at 6 or 7). Anyway, when I started school at 7, within a year all but 2 of the children in the class were reading fluently (and those 2 had learning difficulties). Why? Well, not because the teaching is great(it isn't), and I think we learned more English from TV than reading (although all text is good!). I think the main reason is that the majority of children are "ready" for reading by 7-8, brain research indicates that most girls are ready between ages of 5-7, most boys between 7-9. I've taught Y1 in Sweden and New Zealand (age 5 in Y1). Teachers and parents work really hard here in NZ to teach reading, and still a lot of the students struggle in Reading Recovery, an intervention programme and are considered to have reading problems by that young age.

DD slept really well at night already from the beginning (3-4 hour stretches), and a long stretch of 6-8 hours from 2-4 months. Then she started waking at least one more time most nights. By 5 months it was becoming twice more. In the last 10 nights we've had 2 good nights, luckily last night was one of them! The 2 before where terrible. First she won't go to sleep when I try to feed her to sleep (very tired, so it takes 1 1/2 hour. Then she wakes up about 2 hours later, has a feed, but won't go to sleep, and DH walks around with her crying for an hour, then I manage to feed her to sleep. Then she wakes up, early, those 2 nights at 4 or 5 , and will not go back to sleep (until 11.30am on Saturday!). Oh, and she usually only has one daytime sleep, up to 2 1/2 hour, although if she wakes up earlier she won't go back to sleep (sometimes only 1/2 h)

We have started giving her some solids (porridge with banana out of my breakfast bowl). She has no teeth. She is a very happy little girl, except when she gets tired.
post #59 of 2423
Horrible night last night, one of the worst. Finally got to sleep between 5 and 6, after working out a mean plan to nightwean cold-turkey Feeling more loving, with a plan to get a very dim nightlight so that I can see DSs face in the night if we're having trouble like this. I think it will help me. Went to church this morning and had 2 moms look at me in alarm when they heard about the night we had, saying "Well, my kids slept through the night at 3 months old!" Thanks, that's helpful. One of the moms laughed and said that I needed to "shut the baby monitor off, close the door, and have him sleep in the basement if needed" : I'm trying to forget that her baby was diagnosed with failure to thrive, because I know that happens for all kinds of reasons. Then, a dearly-loved gentleman at my church was telling me all about his naive DIL who "didn't believe in spanking", and he kept telling her "just you wait". Well, apparently she eventually spanked out of anger and was so happy to see that "it worked! :" WHAT??!!! YOu mean violence and coercion work?! Well, what the hell am I doing over here?????

Wishing I could drown my culture in a bathtub......
post #60 of 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwilightJoy View Post
Shanna (or anyone else)- I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on Biden.
What Shanna said...DH and I also felt that Biden would have made a great Secretary of State rather than VP, but honestly...this isn't bad. Obama isn't my first choice (that would be Kucinich, but I know that the country won't go in that direction, sadly). But the ticket overall seems decent enough.
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