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Would you find this creepy or complimentary?  

post #1 of 21
8/19/08 at 7:32am
Thread Starter 
This happened several months ago, but I still think of it from time to time and can't quite figure out if I should take it as creepy or as a compliment.

I was sitting on a bench in an indoor shopping center, nursing my daughter. A middle-aged man walked in front of me, and then turned back and stood behind the bench (trying to get a better view? I don't know). He said, "Excuse me, are your breastfeeding?" I turned back to look at him and said, "Yes." He went on to say, "But aren't you embarrassed?" I answered no, and he said, "So your baby just got hungry, and you're feeding her?" And I said, "Yeah..." and he just nodded, stood there for a few seconds, and then walked off.

So, was that creepy or not? I felt kind of creeped out, so I guess it was to me anyway. But he sort of seemed to understand that babies get hungry, and babies need to eat, so why not feed them? I don't know. What do you think?
post #2 of 21
8/19/08 at 8:04am
Sounds like it might have been a 'Huh!' moment. Like he'd always been told it was weird/wrong/strange to breastfeed in public, and seeing you do it made him think about that assumption and go 'Oh, actually, duh'.

At least, we can hope so.
post #3 of 21
8/19/08 at 8:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
Sounds like it might have been a 'Huh!' moment. Like he'd always been told it was weird/wrong/strange to breastfeed in public, and seeing you do it made him think about that assumption and go 'Oh, actually, duh'.

At least, we can hope so.
I agree. It's like he had an epiphany or something.
post #4 of 21
8/19/08 at 10:20am
yeah,sounds more curious and "oh look at that, she can just up and feed wherever!" kind of epiphany moment. I'm kind of hoping there is a female in his life, perhaps a daughter who is bfing, and now he's seeing it in a new light.
I'm going to imagine him going home and nodding at said female with better understanding. I can dream, right?

odd, but definitely one for the blog.
post #5 of 21
8/19/08 at 10:46am
Maybe his wife had a baby but she was embarrassed to NIP so he figured that all women were and had an Aha moment.
post #6 of 21
8/19/08 at 10:57am
It would depend on the man and the moment .

It does sound a bit odd, though. Sometimes people are a little socially clueless, and it could be just a hmmmm or aha moment. I've heard about these strange creatures, breastfeeding moms.... hmmmmm....
post #7 of 21
8/19/08 at 12:18pm
Who knows. I think what's great is that you handled it very well and didn't let it bother you. If nothing came of it, you know he didn't come back with mall security, etc. then I'd think he was OK.

Some people are weird and have weird conversations. It's awkward, you know I had a guy stop me in the supermarket the other day to tell me that to have sweeter sweet corn to put sugar in the water. It was just strange..... and sometimes conversations are totally harmless but still a little weird / creepy. But, life goes on. I would consider it neutral.
post #8 of 21
8/19/08 at 1:30pm
Unfortunately, this day in age, it's entirely possible for a man (or anyone) to reach middle age never having seen a woman breastfeeding. Perhaps he learned something.
post #9 of 21
8/19/08 at 3:02pm
I'd think it was just odd, and think that maybe the only bf women he'd ever known were embarrassed to NIP, or that someone told him they FF because they didn't want to NIP, I hear of that a lot, or moms who combo feed so they don't have to NIP. He was probably just genuinely curious.
post #10 of 21
8/19/08 at 4:16pm
About him standing behind you . . . I've had guys who were a tad uncomfortable with nursing stand behind me or turn their backs to me so they didn't have to risk getting a glimpse. So it might have been trying NOT to get a better view rather than trying to get a better view. KWIM?

I think it's kinda neat. Sounds like a bit of a lightbulb moment to me too.
post #11 of 21
8/19/08 at 5:15pm
I agree that it was probably just an "ah-hah" moment. But at the same time I just want to say that if your intuition tells you something/someone is creepy that you should listen to it. The worst that can happen is you're wrong and you'll never know because you got yourself out of the creepy situation. The best that can happen is that you got yourself out of bad situation before something happened. I doubt that was the case this time around. I just can't help but encourage women to trust their instincts whenever the opportunity arises.
post #12 of 21
8/19/08 at 6:49pm
I vote creepy perv/possibly fetishistic.

A middle aged man stopping to talk about breastfeeding? Weird in and of itself. A gentle smile and a nod is normal, stopping to say "Gee so the kid gets hungry and then you just do this? Right here?" Is well strange, and it seems disengenuous (sp?) in my mind. Like he was stalling so he could enjoy it or something.

Ick.
post #13 of 21
8/19/08 at 6:56pm
It sounds like he's not mentally "all there"- basically he was acting like an innocent child so I would assume his intentions were pure and he had the mental capacity of a child, at least at that moment in time.
post #14 of 21
8/19/08 at 9:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
It sounds like he's not mentally "all there"- basically he was acting like an innocent child so I would assume his intentions were pure and he had the mental capacity of a child, at least at that moment in time.
Yes thank you, that is what I meant to say. He seems off.
post #15 of 21
8/20/08 at 7:34am
Thread Starter 
I had never really thought of it as an epiphany before, maybe it was.

Whether it was an, "A ha!" moment or not, it did seem a little weird to me. So whether it was just that he was surprised to see a woman breastfeeding and lacked social skills or he's some sort of breastfeeding fetishist, I guess I'll never know. I don't think I've seen him around since.

I guess I can hope that I've taught him something, though!


Thanks for your replies.
post #16 of 21
8/21/08 at 12:15am
Complimentary. I've gotten this a lot, especially from teenagers! Some people have never seen a baby nursing and are truly curious.
post #17 of 21
8/21/08 at 12:38am
I think it sounded like a " so you think you can do anything you want" kinda thing...kinda condescending
post #18 of 21
8/21/08 at 12:45am
It sounds like something a 4 year old would say... you know, the ones who have no idea what you're doing, so you have to go through the whole, "well, you know how cows make milk? me, too!" routine with.
post #19 of 21
8/23/08 at 12:40am
I think he was just a bit surprised. My FIL is a bit 'socially challenged" so says things that maybe others wouldn't. He came out with something very similar when Sophie was little. She squawked and I put her on the breast and he was shocked
"didn't you just feed her?"
"yep"
"but...but.....(brain starts ticking and whirring)...but what about all that stuff about ounces and hours we had to do???"
(me)*meaningful shrug*
(fil) "ohhhhhh..........."

He honestly believed the earth would stop spinning on its axis if they fed the baby when it was hungry. He tells everyone about how DH cried non-stop for 9 months, but I think he just then worked out his baby was hungry. It was a bit confronting for my in-laws to realise that you can just up and feed a hungry baby ):
post #20 of 21
8/24/08 at 11:55pm
it doesnt sound creepy at all to me. socially awkward, yes, but not creepy

i agree with some of the PPs, seems like he was having some kind of a-ha moment and you looked like a "safe" person to talk to about it.
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