s/o: Tears that don't heal quite right

[aaronsmom]

Anybody else have this problem? I'm 7 months pp (UC) and I feel "looser" that I did pre-birth.
I also have some slight discomfort during intercourse. When I look down there everything looks normal. I'm scared to go get checked out, though. I'm worried an OBGYN would pull the "This is why we don't give birth at home" card.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by aaronsmom

Anybody else have this problem? I'm 7 months pp (UC) and I feel "looser" that I did pre-birth.
I also have some slight discomfort during intercourse. When I look down there everything looks normal. I'm scared to go get checked out, though. I'm worried an OBGYN would pull the "This is why we don't give birth at home" card.

When you say looser, do you mean on the inside, or at the entrance? We do pretty much blow our hymens when we birth...so the entrance depending on the woman can be much more open. However, the tightness inside is controlled by the muscles. Do you do kegels regularly or have a kegel exerciser. At 7 months post partum you may still not be back to 100% yet even.

I have a friend who has had 3 uc babies, and she did apparently have a second degree tear that did not fuse properly. It wasn't until she found a nurse practitioner to do her internals that she found out years later. She had to have reconstructive surgery, and from what I heard from her (she was on a birth list with me) it made a significant difference in her case. She did decide to have the reconstructive surgery done because she was done having children.

[aaronsmom]

I do kegels religiously. I feel looser all around, though.
I didn't even realize I had tore until after it had already healed. I checked right after birth but everything was too swollen and covered in blood and other fluids to tell. And I couldn't feel it so I figured I hadn't tore so I wasn't too careful about keeping my legs together, etc.
We do plan on more children in the future (but not for at LEAST two years). Should I go get checked out or wait?
I just worry because our sex life is really sucking because of it and we've only had sex 3 times since DD was born and it makes me sad.

[Cherry Alive]

Hope this isn't too racy to post here and I don't offend anyone (if so, mods, please remove it).

But have you tried experimenting a lot with different positions. Also, have you spent a lot of time with foreplay (at least a couple hours) before trying intercourse?

Foreplay is very important, but often gets neglected. The more a woman is turned prior to intercourse, the more her vaginal tissues will swell and be receptive to sensations. It's also a good way to "break ice" since if you are really anxious, it's a lot less likely you will receive sensations during intercourse.

There are also really great positions that helps things tighten up. One in particular that I know works wonders (for both partners) is the woman laying on her stomach with her legs closed or scissored while the guy enters from the top and behind. I've heard of others, too, but a lot of it depends on both people's body types—which is why it's good to try a lot of things out.

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by Red_Lil_Mamma

Hope this isn't too racy to post here and I don't offend anyone (if so, mods, please remove it).

But have you tried experimenting a lot with different positions. Also, have you spent a lot of time with foreplay (at least a couple hours) before trying intercourse?

Foreplay is very important, but often gets neglected. The more a woman is turned prior to intercourse, the more her vaginal tissues will swell and be receptive to sensations. It's also a good way to "break ice" since if you are really anxious, it's a lot less likely you will receive sensations during intercourse.

There are also really great positions that helps things tighten up. One in particular that I know works wonders (for both partners) is the woman laying on her stomach with her legs closed or scissored while the guy enters from the top and behind. I've heard of others, too, but a lot of it depends on both people's body types—which is why it's good to try a lot of things out.

Yes, we've tried different positions. I've always hated any rear entry positions because it puts pressure on my bladder. I'm most comfortable with woman on top positions.
We do plenty of foreplay but my problem is (and I think this is more related to BF'ing: low libido, kwim) I'll become aroused for a second or two but then if he moves or starts doing something else or even for no reason I'll go back to square one. It sucks.

[meganmarie]

I had a 2nd degree tear with #1 and it took me a looong time to feel totally normal again. More than 7 months. Sex was no fun, and just felt wrong. I think it was partly healing differently, partly mental (I would sometimes be thinking about my va-jay-jay instead of enjoying whatever was going on!) and partly a result of the dehydration and low arousal caused by bfing. If you are still bfing, I think this could be a major part of what you are feeling - you are not getting the same "stuff" going on to make things feel smooth and easy and "right." I was humiliated but finally got the nerve to buy some lubricating stuff and apply it liberally. It really helped. Then the passage of time and less breastfeeding (as ds took solids) did the rest. Today I am absolutely back to normal, btw. Hang in there -

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by meganmarie

I had a 2nd degree tear with #1 and it took me a looong time to feel totally normal again. More than 7 months. Sex was no fun, and just felt wrong. I think it was partly healing differently, partly mental (I would sometimes be thinking about my va-jay-jay instead of enjoying whatever was going on!) and partly a result of the dehydration and low arousal caused by bfing. If you are still bfing, I think this could be a major part of what you are feeling - you are not getting the same "stuff" going on to make things feel smooth and easy and "right." I was humiliated but finally got the nerve to buy some lubricating stuff and apply it liberally. It really helped. Then the passage of time and less breastfeeding (as ds took solids) did the rest. Today I am absolutely back to normal, btw. Hang in there -

You're right. It may take longer than 7 months to feel "right", possibly until DD weans.
We've tried KY but it seems like it gets dry faster and we have to stop to apply it again and again. Very annoying and a mood killer, kwim?

[Cherry Alive]

Originally Posted by aaronsmom

You're right. It may take longer than 7 months to feel "right", possibly until DD weans.
We've tried KY but it seems like it gets dry faster and we have to stop to apply it again and again. Very annoying and a mood killer, kwim?

Yuck! KY is not good stuff at all. It's feels more like sticking cold aloe vera gel down there than a real lubricant.

I recommend trying something different. Astroglide has a nice consistency to it and doesn't dry out so quickly. However if you are sensitive to sugars, you may need to go with a non-glucose-based lubricant.

I have allergies and had a fantastic time with this stuff called "Silk." It's not cheap, but a little goes a long way. It goes on very nice, it stays very slippery, doesn't dry out, and doesn't cause me to get yeast infections. My only complaint is bc it doesn't dry out, you do have to do a little clean up afterwards, but it's no big deal.

One thing to keep in mind. If you're experiencing a sensory shut down right before intercourse, take a look at how you are putting the lube in. It can be very clammy and that can be an instant mood-kller. I heard a good way to counter-act this is to have your partner (or yourself) let some warm in the hands before inserting it.

[LauraN]

Originally Posted by aaronsmom

Anybody else have this problem? I'm 7 months pp (UC) and I feel "looser" that I did pre-birth.
I also have some slight discomfort during intercourse. When I look down there everything looks normal. I'm scared to go get checked out, though. I'm worried an OBGYN would pull the "This is why we don't give birth at home" card.

I was sewn up after a tear and it still didn't heal right, so I don't think birthing at home has anything to do with it. In my case, there was a piece of raw flesh sticking out from the sutures and 9 mths postpartum I still had a LOT of pain. The OB took care of it and I was all better within days.

I would just get it taken care of and just not engage the OB in a discussion if he/she insists on making a judgment. Or have a midwife check it out.