Terror at the idea of having another c/s preventing me from having another child....help.

[momtoafireteam]

I had a failed VBAC in March, and it was the most awful thing to ever happen to me. The procedure, the recovery, the emotional damage, all of it. I have had c/s's before and they were fine, but now this has ruined my "c/s's arent ideal, but they are OK" mentality.

Both DH and I are wanting to have another child, but this is the only thing stopping me. The thought of failing another VBAC is too much for me to even think about. Even the idea of a planned c/s (which is a much more likely scenario with 3 c/s's under my belt) just makes me want to vomit. I mean I really have a physical reaction to the thought of it.

What would you do in my position? Would you elect not to have any more children, even if you wanted to? Would you suck it up and deal with having another c/s?

This is such a constant issue for me, and it sucks.

[momto3wantingmore]

First I too felt this way after my last VBAC attempt failed. You are still so fresh from your last birth you need to give yourself time to process and grieve. For me I was so against having anymore children that when I had a pg scare (ended up being a chemical pregnancy) at 11 months pp I seriously considered abortion (I am not bringing this up to start an abortion debate) and for me that has never been a possibility for me. I didn't think I wanted anymore children ever. I didn't want to think about planning another birth, whether VBA3C or planned c/section. I just didn't want to have any part of any of that. It took a great toll on our sex life as I was terrified of getting pregnant again. The more time went by the more processing I did and the more I looked beyond the birth part of it the more I realized I wasn't done. I could feel that there was more souls meant to be with us. How many I don't know but I knew there was at least 1 more in my future. It took me a long time to get to a place where I could really plan on TTC again. Don't decide now whether or not you want more kids. Give you and your baby time together, give yourself time to process your feelings. Your feelings may change they may not but I think its too soon to make such a big decision. Good luck to you

[paphia]

Maybe there is some kind of therapy you could try to release your feelings? Our births are still really fresh in our memories. Even though everything in my birth went according to "plan", I still have pretty vivid memories of birthing ds and it creates a visceral response in me. One that inspires me not to get pregnant again any time soon. It must be that much harder trying to process your birth when it didn't go the way you had hoped.

Give it some more time, mama. And then if the memories become less painful or the desire to have another baby becomes undeniable, then deal with your fears and pain one step at a time and try not to rush yourself. If I were you I would continue to think about having more children but try and put in place whatever help I needed to make a potential c-birth recovery as easy as possible (physically). I honestly don't know what it is like to recover emotionally from a traumatic birth, so all I can say is do what you need to do to take care of yourself first before you have to take care of another baby.

Wishing you lots of healing.

[Jojo F.]

Right now I'm reading Birthing From Within and it's really awsome. At first I was a little skeptical but now that I'm about half way through it's an incredible book.

Check here to see if there are any classes that may help.

I hope you can work through this and come to a place in yourself that you are comfortable with.

[readytobedone]

well, i've only had one c/s, but if i have another baby, it will have to come by c/s. i am a terrible candidate for VBAC. it's taken me awhile to come to terms with that, but i've talked with my OB and decided that having another kid, which i really want, is worth having to have another surgery. DD came by c/s, and i like her just fine :

so...i guess no one can answer for you, but i can't VBAC at all, and i will almost definitely try for one more baby.

[sapphire_chan]

No ideas, but couldn't read and not respond.

May you find peace in yourself.

(Oh, and March was really recent, definitely give yourself more time to heal.)

[AutumnAir]

I had a very traumatic birth that's left me terrified to get pregnant again too. I understand where you're coming from. One of the things that's helped me is the site 'Solace' - it's for moms who've had various different kinds of traumatic births. I think the link is in the sticky at the top of this forum. Mental and emotional healing takes longer than physical healing - be patient and kind to yourself.

[wombatclay]

Hugs and healing to you mama.

In case you don't want to dig through the c/s sticky, the Solace site is here http://solaceformothers.org/ This is their main page and you can either register for their forums (organized by mdc mamas!) or call their "warm line" to talk with someone familiar with the emotional toll of birth trauma.